Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a
bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go
back to his place. As they are making out in the
bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his
muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's
1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's
pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs,
"See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of
dynamite!" She is aching for action at this
point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a
quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs
screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and
asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and
such a short fuse, I was afraid you were
about to blow!"

2006-06-25 08:58:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A bus driver was heading down a street in Colorado. He went right past a stop sign without stopping, he turned left where there was a "no left turn" sign, and he went the wrong way on a one-way street. Then he went on the left side of the road past a cop car. Still - he didn't break any traffic laws. Why not?

2006-06-25 08:57:09 · 12 answers · asked by Jeff M 1

I haven't had a real life laugh that made my stomach hurt in a long time. You know the kind I"m talking about? The 'guess you had to be there' ones.

2006-06-25 08:54:46 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-25 08:49:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous 4

There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any way other than the eyes. Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it?

2006-06-25 08:24:25 · 12 answers · asked by jummybaibey 2

Not being retarded! got any similar jokes? Lets hear 'em.

2006-06-25 08:15:23 · 9 answers · asked by AmericanPatriot 3

2006-06-25 08:10:34 · 14 answers · asked by yashee05 1

2006-06-25 08:00:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-25 07:40:30 · 19 answers · asked by Aru 1

Or wearing bling-bling, and singing on the ring-a-ding?

2006-06-25 07:38:39 · 7 answers · asked by Caboose 1

I posted this before but there are lots of new people here this is for them! It was inspired by "Why a Bottle of Wine is Better than a Man (Part 1 of 2)" which I got in a joke list -- which was also on several other joke sites & lists! Enjoy!

* A bottle will never nag you to keep the freaking toilet seat down!
* Depending on your choice a bottle can keep you warm or cool you off!
* A bottle will never tell you, "The last guy drank me straight, no chaser," or on the rocks w/e!
* You can own as many bottles as YOU want, they don't get jealous!
* You can try as many other bottles, as your stomach can take, your bottle will wait for you!
* An older bottle doesn't need Victoria Secret's lingerie to make you drink from it! In fact older bottles 9 times out of 10 are better!
* A bottle won't monopolize the telephone and always be on it when you try to call!
* A bottle won't keep after you to get it breast implants!
* A bottle will never crowd your stuff out and fill the medicine cabinet with unknown 'beauty' products!
* A bottle won't tell you, "My father always did it this way!"
* Size doesn't matter to a bottle!
* A bottle will go home with you even if you are uglier than sin!
* A bottle will not care how many other bottles you've drunk from!
* A bottle has many 'pick up lines' but you must get to the bottom first!
* After drinking from a bottle you can become a one-man band, great on guitar or a singer!
* Your disappointing appearance, at the bar, you can blame on a bottle!
* Or if you have the dinero, to lubricate the crowd, buy them all a bottle! Caution some times, one or more, of them may think they're better than you, do NOT give them a chance!
* Confidence lessons? Not needed; a bottle will convince you; you are better than Mickey Mantle, Roger Staubach and Willis Reed!
* The way the game turns out, your team losing, is the fault of a bottle!
* A bottle, to many men, is very necessary to even talk to a woman!
* The hotter, sexier and better looking a chick is you need more of the bottle!
* The ugly girl you wake up beside can always be blamed on the bottle!
* The fact that you woke up alone, again, can also be blamed on a bottle!
* A bottle doesn't need to be told, it looks good, dinner was great, or she's the ONLY one for you!
* A bottle will never tell you how to drive or do anything else!
* Any mistakes you make can be blamed on a bottle!
* A bottle won't care if you are rich or poor, as long as you get it home you're alright!
* Bottles don't care that you're still listening to Bobby Darin, Frank Sinatra, or Patty Paige!
* A bottle won't tell anybody about your secret crush on Dolly Parton's Boobs!
* A bottle will never divulge the porn sites you visit, where your old Playboy's or video's are hidden, and it won't tell that the 'Penis Enlargement Pills' failed to work!
* A bottle won't discriminate against you because you're black, white, yellow, green or w/e!
* A bottle could care less if you're Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Jewish, Agnostic or still wondering!
* A bottle will never tell you to, "STOP PLAYING THAT GODDAMN SONG!"
* A bottle will never say, "No," to anything!

And lastly there is this;
* A bottle will never ask, "Does my butt look fat in this paper bag?"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-25 07:37:55 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-25 07:19:39 · 16 answers · asked by Bob The Builder 5

funniest one wins...

2006-06-25 07:07:31 · 21 answers · asked by John 4

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/?link=best&qid=20060620143707AA3K9i5&r=w&pa=F5xxBXHpPmKSlmhy00sKlAHWsOYCl_z78bS6uXsAQV1fbiJkoyRa_A--
for why i want to know

2006-06-25 06:54:23 · 8 answers · asked by wild_eep 6

Whoever write the best joke that make me laugh the most got 10 points.

2006-06-25 06:45:57 · 37 answers · asked by DBSK LOVER! 2

Three men wanted to buy a t.v, each man put in £10 each, went to the shop payed for the t.v, went home.
the shops boss tell's the sales man that the t,v was only £25 and to return the £5. the man thinks that it is to had to split £5 so gives each man a pound back and keeps £2 for him self.
so each man pays £9 for the t.v the man keeps£2 pound where has the other £1 gone?

2006-06-25 06:40:48 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a friend who will be turning 32 soon, he gave me some terribly embarassing gifts for my birthday AT WORK IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I want some inexpensive (like under 35-40 dollars) gag gift ideas, and where can I buy them? I was thinking something like "Obese naked women novelty playing cards" but I can't find any online. Any ideas? I will give points for the best answer! Thanks everyone!

Also, does anyone know where I canbuy playing cards with FAT naked women on them, I've seen the ones with just plain naked women on them

2006-06-25 06:11:27 · 5 answers · asked by Lisa N 5

Tommy pushes the car up the hill three feet, then rests. During his rest, the car rolls back two feet. He repeats this routine. How many pushes does it take him to push the car up a 50-foot hill?

2006-06-25 05:44:50 · 17 answers · asked by Dr. A, Luc, you 2

If you add 2forget and 2forget.......

riddle*

2006-06-25 05:42:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

riddle

2006-06-25 05:37:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is the world of Green, Glass, Doors. What else is in this world?

2006-06-25 05:20:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-25 05:10:53 · 29 answers · asked by jihad s 1

2006-06-25 05:09:38 · 15 answers · asked by Mummy of 2 7

What happens when a plumber dies???

2006-06-25 05:07:15 · 7 answers · asked by Star Z 2

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

2006-06-25 05:05:21 · 23 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

If vegetarians eat vegetables,what do humanitarians eat?

2006-06-25 05:02:42 · 19 answers · asked by POWER-FULL 2

2006-06-25 04:55:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-25 04:35:08 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Really need some

2006-06-25 04:29:40 · 12 answers · asked by Daydreamer 1

What is something greater than God, eviler than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die??

2006-06-25 03:59:51 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous