2006-06-25 07:19:39 · 16 answers · asked by Bob The Builder 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
The bride tells her husband
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
2006-06-25 08:00:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 16⤊ 0⤋
I love this one
A duck walks into a bar, asks Barman for a long stiff drink, Barman asks Donald 'whats' the matter with you, you're looking very down'
Donald replies 'I've been out last 4 weeks looking for work, no-one is interested!'
Barman: 'there's a circus in town, they'd pay a fortune for a talking Duck!'
Donald: 'a talking Duck, I'm a plumber!.
2006-06-25 15:03:37 · answer #2 · answered by Dancing Queen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man walks into a bar wearing a tuxedo and bow tie, he walks up to a woman and introduces himself;
'Hi, I'm Bond'
To which the woman replies;
'Who James Bond?!'
The man says;
'No, Unibond, I've come to fill yer crack'
2006-06-25 14:24:37 · answer #3 · answered by Kasha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offence intended...........................
Just a little World Cup joke..
A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.
While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and
says
to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would
like
this for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the
head
and says, "Go talk to your mother."
So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in
hand and
finds his mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like
this
shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head
twice
and says, "Go talk to your father."
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like
this
shirt for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4
times
and says:
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading
towards
home.
The father turns to his son and says;
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says,
"Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you
German B*stards"
btw got that frm my german friends,,,and really dont wanna offence any1 here
2006-06-25 14:26:00 · answer #4 · answered by yyaliceyy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want a GOOD laugh !
Do what I do.
Look at a picture of YOU, So in your case try a mirror
2006-06-25 14:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by itsa o 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yah i know one - what do u call a fish with no eyes? .... a fsh! haha ok that wasnt funny but go to www.deadchicken.com they have sum hilarious jokes!
2006-06-25 15:56:03 · answer #6 · answered by .:*:.Hey! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
an aarvark walks into a bar
the barman says why the long face lol
2006-06-25 14:30:05 · answer #7 · answered by anne m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do you make holy water?
boil the hell out of it
what do you call an armless and legless prostitute?
a cash and carry
did you hear about the blind circumcisor?
he got the sack....
2006-06-26 06:20:28 · answer #8 · answered by sinnedfairy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't women blink during foreplay = No time
what do u get when u cross a p-e-n-i-s and a potato? A dictator
2006-06-25 14:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by nikky_c2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heres a joke to send on a text message
I ve been invited to my first canabis party next friday at 8.00pm.....
they said i have to bring my own dope...........
so i'll pick you up about 7.30pm o.k?
2006-06-25 14:33:49 · answer #10 · answered by harknessalan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋