The best joke got 10 points?

Question

Whoever write the best joke that make me laugh the most got 10 points.

Answer 1

How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!


How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow! (hehehehe)


Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !



Because I'm blonde
A girl came home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we
were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four,
but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home again. "Mommy, Mommy," she
yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids
could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, b, c, d, e, f, g!"


"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she
yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the
other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank
top to reveal a pair of huge breasts.

"Very good," said her mother, somewhat embarrassed.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey," replied her mother, patiently. "It's because you're 25."

Answer 2

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the
other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,
not fromthe original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot
to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error
would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for
centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into
the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for
hundreds ofyears.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets
worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head
against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R", we missed the "R".

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a
choking voice, the old abbot replies,

"The word was celebrate."

Answer 3

There were two men who had just lost there jobs and to make money while they tried to find a job they decided to become painter's. To make the paint last longer they mixed it with water.
Well there first job was a church and the paint had just dried. So
they call up the Pasteur and he's about to hand them a check when
it starts pouring and thundering and lighting when the paint starts to
come off (because they mixed it with water) But the most surprising thing is when a light comes and a Booming voice calls
out and says Repaint repaint and thin no more !!!!.

Answer 4

this is corny

why did the turtle cross the street?
he needed to get to the shell station.

a giraffe,an elephant,a camel,a bear,a pig,and a frog,twwo mice,and a snake all sheltered under one umbrella ,how mny get wet?
None it was not raining

why did tigger look in the toilet?
he was searching for pooh.

if h20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
k9p

three very thirsty men were stranded in the desert.they came across a magician.the magician said"You may each go down a slide asking for a drink.At the bottom will be a pool of what you asked for." The first man yelled"Lemonaaaaaaaade". The second said,"cooooooooooke."The third said "wheeeeeeeeee!"

Answer 5

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Answer 6

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House". He stormed to his wife in the Kitchen."From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this House and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal Tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a Sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with Me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you Are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back And towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my Feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and Comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The ******' funeral director Would be my guess."

Answer 7

Australian Football Grand Final
A man with tickets to the AFL GRAND FINAL finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," says the stranger. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the AFL GRAND FINAL and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first GRAND FINAL we haven't been to together since we got married in 1947."
The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at the funeral."

Answer 8

1.Two blondes are walking down the street. One
blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again,
and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I
just know I've seen this face before!"

"Give it to me", says the other blonde. She
looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you
silly! It's me!!"




2.What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an
agnostic and a dilexic?

Someone who's up all night wondering if there is
a dog.

Answer 9

Okkk...this is the last one that I was told.... not the greatest joke ever, but it's the one that I can remember.

Three women die in a car crash, and they go to heaven. They find themselves immediatelly in a place filled with ducks. There wasn't space to walk through without steppind the ducks... God comes out, and tells them: "You have commited a lot of sins, so I'm going to test you to see if you'll be able to step into my kingdom... You'll have to cross this place without stepping on any duck". The first woman starts to walk through, and... damn it! she steps on a duck. God reappears. "As a punishment, you'll have to spend the rest of the eternity with this man", he says, pointing at the ugliest man the woman had ever seen. God ties them up, and leaves them there. The second woman starts to walk through, and, unafortunatelly, she steps on a duck too! She gets the same punishment: she is tied up next to the ugliest guy ever. The third woman starts to walk through, and she makes it without stepping on any ducks. God appears with the handsomest guy she had ever seen. He ties the woman and the guy up. The woman breaths: "Wow!! what could I have done to be tied up here??", the man hears her. He replies: "I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck".

ANOTHER SILLY ONE:

A koala bear is sitting on a tree. He falls down and hits its head.

Did you think it was funny??
The koala bear didn't either.

YET ANOTHER ONE:

Hello. Thanks for calling to the mental institution. The instructions are next:

-If you'r obsesive-compulsive, press repitedly number 1
-If you suffer schizophrenia, listen carefully and a little voice'll tell you which nimber to press
-If you're co-dependent, ask someone to press number 2 for you.
-If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6
-If you are paranoic, we know who you are, we know what you are doing and what you want. Please hold in line while we trace your call.
-If you suffer allucinations, press number 7 on that gigantic, colored phone that you (and only you) are seeing to your left.
-If you are depressed, it won't matter wich number you press, nothing'll help you on your lamentable situation
-If you sufer of indesicion, press number 8 before the tone... or after the tone... or before the tone....
-If you have low self-estime, hang up. We're taking care of much more important persons than you
-If you have amnesia, press number 9.If you have amnesia, press number 9.If you have amnesia, press number 9.If you have amnesia, press number 9....

Hope u laughed!!!

Answer 10

I am donating the 10 points to you.