Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

A bottle of whisky costs £10. If the whisky costs £9 more than the bottle, how much does the bottle cost?

2006-06-25 03:21:55 · 20 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

superman was flying around getting pissed off because spiderman was saving everyone and he had nothing to do. feeling jealous and frustrated, he flew around miami and saw wonder woman lying on the beach behaving very strangely, looking like she was having a super orgasm so superman thought

"ive always wondered what it would be like to bonk wonder woman, yeah, ill give her something to groan about"

so faster than a speeding bullet he did the deed and was gone like a gust of wind. wonder woman awoke in a daze,

"what the hell was that" she said, and invisible man got off her and replied,
" i dont know, but my bum hole sure hurts"...

2006-06-25 02:45:49 · 14 answers · asked by sevvy7 1

2006-06-25 02:38:49 · 9 answers · asked by artleyb 4

lol

this is a very tough joke!!!

the ans will be provided to u afterwards!!
but make sure u have answered the question.

we use it everyday in our everyday language.

2006-06-25 02:37:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A chicken ( ) when its ( )! Fill in blanks

2006-06-25 02:37:19 · 56 answers · asked by Titishana 2

2006-06-25 02:37:00 · 15 answers · asked by jgd93@verizon.net 1

2006-06-25 02:34:02 · 4 answers · asked by jgd93@verizon.net 1

I like my coffee, like I like my women......
Hot and bitter.

2006-06-25 02:33:14 · 7 answers · asked by Handsup 3

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

2006-06-25 02:17:26 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

"What`s the problem?" asks the doc. "it`s very embarrassing and i can`t really tell you," says the man. "I`ve seen everything in my 25 years as a doctor so nothing you could say of show me will embarrass me and neither should it you," the doc replies. The man says that it would be easier to show the doc instead of telling him. The doctor agrees and with that the man stands up, drops his trousers and bends over the examination table. "My god man. What on earth happened to you?!" The doctor is seeing the mans butt and it`s swollen and the size of a football. "Well, i was on safari in Kenya when i lost the group i was with and got trapped and raped by a bull elephant." "That`s terrible man," the doc says. After thinking he eventually says, "but i thought that elephants had long slender penis`." "They do!" says the man. "The trouble is that this one fingered me first." :))

2006-06-25 02:10:29 · 17 answers · asked by maxmoves 2

2006-06-25 01:54:29 · 7 answers · asked by Rick 7

Danny was in his room upstairs, he then went downstairs and saw his father sleeping in front of a T.V., then Danny went outside and was heading to a bus stop. When the bus arrived, an old lady climbed up the bus before Danny, and then the bus driver told the old lady, "My son is behind you..."
Who is the bus driver?

First one to answer correct earns 10 points!

2006-06-25 01:48:25 · 14 answers · asked by YA!!! 3

Ode to the Clit

You try so hard to lick me well,
There's something I should really tell,
You're licking all around my mound,
But there's one place where pleasures found.
It's not that high or down that low,
It's not that fast and not too slow,
Don't waste my time and all that spit,
Just stay your punk a$$ on my clit!

With your finger or with your tongue,
Stay on that clit till the job is done.
Suck it like a little d*ck,
The only place that you should lick,
Do not move until I c@m,
The other stuff is really dumb.
I'm telling you to help you know,
The clit's the ONLY place to go.

This is a tip for giving head,
You'll be an expert in the bed.
Women want all men to know,
Do it hard and do it slow.
Don't be lazy, this takes a while,
But it will always make her smile!
After she c@ms then you can f#ck,
And with a little bit of luck,
Your woman will be thrilled in bed,
You've finally learned to give good head!!!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-25 01:36:17 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well, it's not really a mid-life crisis, but here's how things
worked out for me:
- Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey,
25
years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed
and
watched a 10-inch, black and white TV; but I got to sleep every night
with
a hot 25 year old blond!
- Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen
TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me
that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and
find a hot 25 year old blond...and she would make sure that I would
once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car,
sleeping on a sofa bed...

2006-06-25 01:33:09 · 4 answers · asked by Rick 7

Is this why the chicken crossed the road?

2006-06-25 01:14:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man whose job it to catch gorilla's was told he had to take an apprentice with him one day, Ok he said to the apprentice, bring the gun and the net, I'll get the dog, and off they went.
when they were in the jungle the man told the apprentice, now here is what we do, I will go up the tree where the gorilla is and shake the tree, the gorilla falls to the ground and the dog catches him by the whatnots, you throw the net over the gorilla and that's it.
fine said the apprentice, but what do we need the gun for,
thats in case I fall from the tree instead of the gorilla, shoot that bloody dog.

2006-06-25 00:22:01 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. Hedelivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked:"What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guyssay if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?"
snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

2006-06-25 00:17:16 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

How do you rock the Catskills?

2006-06-24 23:56:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1--an eyepatch
2--espidrilles
3--stiletto heels
4--or all of the above.

2006-06-24 23:54:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

i am a shy boy . so i need a sex dall . now i am in sinsin , seoul, south korea.

2006-06-24 23:54:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-24 23:43:41 · 13 answers · asked by Peter B 3

2006-06-24 23:38:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pu*sy with me"
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

2006-06-24 23:15:08 · 31 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-06-24 22:53:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-24 22:50:58 · 32 answers · asked by olathe 1

2006-06-24 22:42:26 · 24 answers · asked by ass man 1

How do you save three lawyers drowning all at once?

2006-06-24 22:23:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A certain very popular very wise book only mentions wise men ?

2006-06-24 22:12:24 · 7 answers · asked by Featherman 5

2006-06-24 22:04:09 · 6 answers · asked by shutupncomehere 1

number one. you have a hole two feet wide, four feet in length and six feet deep. how much dirt is in it? number two. a rooster is on a roof top. which side of the roof would the egg fall on? number three. which actually came first, the hen or the egg?

2006-06-24 21:48:03 · 19 answers · asked by hollywood71@verizon.net 5