Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

2006-06-24 18:20:44 · 58 answers · asked by lupus 3

2006-06-24 17:57:15 · 11 answers · asked by ilovevintage 2

I THINK CALIFORNIA...CAUSE WE HAVE EVERYTHING THE BEACH...HOLLYWOOD...AND THE WORLDS FAMOUS CELEBRITIES!!!...SCREW NEW YORK IT IS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!...FLORIDA HAS TOO MANY HURRICANES...AND TEXAS...NOTHING BUT DESERT...EXCEPT FOR SAN ANTONIO...DALLAS...AND AUSTIN...BUT I STILL LOVE CALIFORNIA...NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK???

2006-06-24 17:45:13 · 17 answers · asked by NOYB 2

I THINK CALIFORNIA...CAUSE WE HAVE EVERYTHING THE BEACH...HOLLYWOOD...AND THE WORLDS FAMOUS CELEBRITIES!!!...SCREW NEW YORK IT IS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!...FLORIDA HAS TOO MANY HURRICANES...AND TEXAS...NOTHING BUT DESERT...EXCEPT FOR SAN ANTONIO...DALLAS...AND AUSTIN...BUT I STILL LOVE CALIFORNIA...NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK???

2006-06-24 17:44:42 · 21 answers · asked by NOYB 2

2006-06-24 17:41:38 · 24 answers · asked by alex s 2

ill tell u one of my jokes.....i read it in russian so ill translate...loll....this lady was ridin on a train w/ her kid to her parents house...and her son goes" mom i wanna pee" outloud...so his mom goes " thats not nice, next time say i want to sing"...so he is sleeping at his grandfathers in the middle of the night he wakes up and is like "granpa i wanna sing"... his grandpa goes "sorry son, its too late, plus ull wake all the neighbors up they are already sleepin'...so he wakes up a little bit later. " granpa i reaaaaaalllly want to sing".... " fine son, only quietly and in my ear"....lol..=)

2006-06-24 17:41:28 · 4 answers · asked by babycakez 3

What kind of blonde jokes do u have?give me your best or alot of blonde jokes to win ten points!!But...u have to make me laugh to win ten points.!!!

2006-06-24 17:25:00 · 10 answers · asked by lolladybugs_alexia 2

2006-06-24 16:53:39 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you want to be funny go get a job at doing stand up where you can get paid for your dumb jokes.

2006-06-24 16:47:30 · 15 answers · asked by What? 2

The first person who answers this correctly gets ten points.
What percentage of americans are overwieght?
My answer comes from the u.s. health magazine, so it is actually the right answer.

2006-06-24 16:44:04 · 12 answers · asked by ~Roxy303~ 2

im seeing my cousin that always taddles and want to get her back

2006-06-24 16:43:44 · 16 answers · asked by Lexi H 2

A boy walked into a pizza parlor. There he saw this hooker that was really beautiful. She walked over to him and said, " You can eat me out if you want." So the boy did. When he came home his mom said, "Whats that?" the boy wiped his face and said, "Pizza sauce"

2006-06-24 16:28:06 · 13 answers · asked by MzChamillinator 5

no porn or i will get in truble but kol apropreit websites

2006-06-24 16:27:50 · 17 answers · asked by cody h 1

Thanks! I'm really bored.

2006-06-24 16:27:42 · 21 answers · asked by ♥♡ღ••Kelly••ღ♡♥ 4

Jack and Jill decided to go hike up a hill. Jack went up the hill at 10 miles an hour and down the hill at 20 miles an hour. Jill went up and down the hill at a steady 15 miles an hour. (I know these kids are fast, they been going up and down hills for a long time)
Which kid finished first?

2006-06-24 16:16:51 · 17 answers · asked by Dr. A, Luc, you 2

kinda long sorry

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,"I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

2006-06-24 16:12:36 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-06-24 16:12:21 · 14 answers · asked by ? 5

Mine is from Jerry Sienfield's "I'm telling you for the last time". It's about being on an airplane:
"Then the stewardess does her little song and dance. Shows you how to use a seat belt in case you haven't been in a car since 1976. Oh, you pull up on the buckle. Ohhhh. I was trying to break the metal appart. I thought that's how it worked. I was going to attempt to tear the fabric. If I could just get it started!.... Then the pilot gets on the mic and gives you his speil. 'I'm gonna take her up to 30,000 feet, then I'm gonna makes a left by Seattle.' And we're all back there thinking fine, yea, just get me to where it says on the ticket. Just do that. I don't care what you're doing. Do I bother him with what I'm doing? Knocking on the cockpit door 'I'm having the peanuts now!' I'm not going to eat them all cuz its such a big bag!"
I love that bit! Write me your fav bit word for word so I can read it and laugh!

2006-06-24 16:08:17 · 6 answers · asked by lynz 3

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week."

2006-06-24 16:03:07 · 18 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

PLIZZZZZ READ THIS lmao

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.

Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."


Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."


I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.

Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."

Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

2006-06-24 15:55:03 · 21 answers · asked by ♥Angel♥ 6

From Who's line is it anyway

2006-06-24 15:36:15 · 13 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

Dumb Dora is so Dumb that she went to the podium and said...

2006-06-24 15:32:43 · 28 answers · asked by John 4

2006-06-24 15:24:24 · 15 answers · asked by m dizzle 2

This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word. What is it? _______gry?

2006-06-24 15:23:42 · 16 answers · asked by m dizzle 2

Favorite movie + "in my pants"


Breakfast at Tiffany's....in my pants!

2006-06-24 15:21:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy ask's his dad how he was born. 'Well, son,' his dad replies, 'I guess you'll need to know one day.

'Your mum and i first got together in a chatroom. I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cybercafe. 'we then sneaked into a secluded room where your mum agreed to a download from my hard drive.

'As soon as i was ready to upload, we discovered neither of us had used firewall. And since it was to late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared and announced

2006-06-24 15:18:49 · 19 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

2006-06-24 15:11:02 · 7 answers · asked by AMANDA 2

What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito??? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

A knockout young blonde decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection, and he was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs. Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The old man replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming,... and the smell of burning rubber!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-24 15:10:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

why am I friggin hooked on Yahoo answers?

2006-06-24 14:56:57 · 11 answers · asked by monday's child 2

I can't take any more pics...Is mine dead?

2006-06-24 14:36:37 · 7 answers · asked by smilesfromred 5