Whats the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Answer 1

FACT 1: A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

FACT 2: W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

FACT 3: CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

FACT 4: WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

FACT 5: The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

AND FINALLY

FACT 6: God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the Masterpiece!

Answer 2

5 presidents are on a plane

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and George W. Bush.

George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.

Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then John Adams says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane.

Answer 3

I heard a great blonde joke but I can't repeat it here.

Answer 4

The young lady was talking to her mother and said, "But I can't marry him mother; he's an atheist and doesn't believe there's a Hell."
Her mother answers, "That's okay, honey. Go ahead and marry him, and between the two of us, we'll prove to him that he's wrong."

Answer 5

It's old, and offensive, but a friend of mine at work just told me this one, and it made me laugh:

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, who is buried under a pile of leaves?























Russel.

Answer 6

how do u kill a dumb blonde in a pool???


answer: put a scratch and sniff at the bottom

lmao

Answer 7

what time is it when you need to go to the dentist?

tooth-hurty!!!

.....

its a bit of a thinker