Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

(If there is, how can someone fall down a mountain?)

2006-06-24 03:14:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A very beautiful woman was walking on the roof of a building
and she suddenly trips over something and falls down.

On her way falling down, an American man catches her,
she says: "Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll do ANYTHING for you..."
The man says: "Okay then, sleep with me."
She says: "You PIG!! NEVER!!"
So he says: "FINE!"

and he drops her down....
So she's falling and screaming...

Suddenly, a German man catches her in the air from his balcony,
she says: "Oh thank you, you saved me, I'll do anything that you
ask..."
The guy says: "Fraulein, sleep with me."
She replies: "Oh you nasty pig!!! NEVER!"
So the man says: "Fine!!!"

...And he also drops her down again. She's falling and thinking that it was
better if she slept with one of those men and now she's going to die.

Suddenly, a Muslim man catches the woman from his balcony, she says :
"Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll SLEEP with you!!"
The Muslim man replies "Astakhforillah!"

...And he drops her!

2006-06-24 03:06:31 · 15 answers · asked by Rachel 2

Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on the local police force. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a photograph, and said, "To be a detect, you have to be able to DETECT. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He only has one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of COURSE he only has one eye in this picture! It's a PROFILE of his face! You're dismissed!"

2006-06-24 02:54:22 · 14 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-06-24 02:39:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-24 02:25:07 · 9 answers · asked by Trust_in_myself 2

(Yes, this is inspired by the film)

2006-06-24 02:02:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your answers will probably vary depending on your viewpoint, but let's just say for the sake of argument that we did come from cavemen, who did just say ug and made noises.

2006-06-24 02:00:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lone pilot ,who was also a politician, had to crash land in slap bang in the middle of the jungle.
He wandered around for a long time and eventually, bitten, bleeding, battered, hungry and thirsty, he came upon a shack in a clearing...and there were 4 pots steaming and bubbling over open fires outside the shack. A large poster stood next to the pots, on the poster a picture of man, with skull and crossbones and written thereon :
Menu
Boiled Snakesteak $ 2.00
Boiled Porter $ 15.00
Boiled Hunter $ 25.00
Boiled Politician $ 1500.00
Just then the shack door opened and there was the man in the picture, soup spoon in hand.
"can i help you suh ?" and the pilot said "no thank you, i have just had lunch and four ice cold beers....but one question please sir ?"..
"Yes Suh?" .. "why the big difference in price on your menu ?" ...and the cook said " have you ever tried to clean one of those things suh ?".......

2006-06-24 01:17:18 · 12 answers · asked by Featherman 5

Discovered in Africa, I spread like a tide
To become a hot staple known the world wide.
A necessity to some, a treasure to many,
I'm best enjoyed among pleasant company.

Some like me hot and some like me cold.
Some prefer mild, others only bold.
Some take me straight, while some like to savor
My essence to which has been added a flavor.

So put down your cares and sit awhile with me;
I'll send you back refreshed and full of energy

2006-06-24 01:05:35 · 14 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

Surely we should be able to, I mean, if the moon reflects light from the sun to the Earth, then from that we should be able to get a mild tan, am I right? or just confused?

2006-06-24 01:04:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside.
"Grandson, I wanna you lissina to me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos.
"Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda your wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then... pointa to your watch and say, Times Up??!!"

2006-06-24 00:55:06 · 12 answers · asked by Pd 6

What costs nothing
but is worth everything,
weighs nothing, but can last a lifetime,
that one person can't own,
but two or more can share?

2006-06-24 00:52:19 · 12 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-06-24 00:48:59 · 15 answers · asked by lightweight 2

2006-06-24 00:47:37 · 5 answers · asked by lovex2 2

This bloke was in hospital about to have an operation.
After the op, the patient wakes up in recovery and the doctor says: "Mr Smith, Mr Smith, I have some bad news and some good news for you".
"Oh yeah, what is it", said Mr Smith.
"Well, the bad news is that we've had to take both your legs off"
"Oh my", said Mr Smith.
"But the good news is..." said the doctor., "...we've managed to sell your slippers!"

2006-06-24 00:45:19 · 13 answers · asked by Wizzy Woman 4

Pregnant

2006-06-24 00:40:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that was hanging down a
cliff. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that
one person should let go because if they didn't then the rope would
break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so
finally the brunette thought to herself "I'll let go."
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would let
go, all of the blondes started clapping.

2006-06-24 00:38:28 · 10 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

A blonde,brunette and a redhead were all driving in the desert and
their car broke down. so the brunette grabbed some food the redhead
grabbed water and the blonde grabbed the car door. well the brunette
and the blonde started talking and they were all redhead why did you
grab water and she said so i could drink if i was thirsty and then
the blonde adn the redhead started talking and they were all brunette
why did you bring food? an she said so I could eat it if i get
hungury and fianlly the redhead and the brunette started talking and
they were all blonde why did you bring a car door and she said so I
could roll down the window if i get hot!

2006-06-24 00:35:24 · 17 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn.
The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy
kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-
wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde
said, "Potatoes!"

2006-06-24 00:32:39 · 11 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

5 frogs were sitting on a river bank.. two of them thought and decided to jump in the river.. how many left?????

2006-06-24 00:31:49 · 11 answers · asked by dinesh k 1

how did the condom cross the road?

2006-06-24 00:09:00 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are ten birds on a tree. A man shot down a bird, how many are left on the tree?

2006-06-23 23:40:16 · 28 answers · asked by nick ramsey 4

u'll find out in 15 minutes....unless someone can answer it right.

2006-06-23 23:23:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 23:13:32 · 12 answers · asked by knownotall person here how about 1

in case anybody wanted black coffee.....

2006-06-23 23:13:14 · 23 answers · asked by Kelly 5

The blonde died when the hairdresser took the head phone from her > why did she die?

2006-06-23 23:09:46 · 6 answers · asked by knownotall person here how about 1

a blonde gets out of bed on her birthday, goes downstairs and her mom says, "hello darling happy birthday, you have a birthday message on the radio" the blonde sits down in front of the radio and listens very hard, she is there all day, 7 hours actually, she was just wondering wheather her mom had lied to her, it was at that point that she spotted the envelope on top of the radio.........

2006-06-23 23:05:12 · 18 answers · asked by Kelly 5

There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror.
The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it
the truth, but you disappear if you lie.

The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat
brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think
I am the thinnest person in the world." and poof, the
mirror gobbled her up.

The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly
red head. She told the mirror "I think I am the prettiest
person in the world" and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.

Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and
said, "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up

2006-06-23 23:02:55 · 12 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

what does a lawman and a shark have in common?????

2006-06-23 22:59:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 22:54:34 · 8 answers · asked by knownotall person here how about 1