Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

closest answer gets the 10 points

2006-06-23 17:30:42 · 20 answers · asked by prettyP 2

2006-06-23 17:29:48 · 39 answers · asked by T'Asia E. 1

you are driving to escape a huge hurricane that will kill anyone in its path. you drive past a bus stop and stop. there are 3 people there. one is an old lady who can barely walk, the next is your best friend who has saved your life before. the last is the girl of your dreams. but dammit... theres only room for 1 more. what do u do.

2006-06-23 17:23:23 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 17:02:53 · 30 answers · asked by ? 6

can a blind person see in his dreams? can u cry underwater?? i asked this question in another catagory, not many answers let me have yours

2006-06-23 16:53:45 · 13 answers · asked by kimmy 2

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, Well, the hours passed
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.Quickly,realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was proud of myself for coming up with such a solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem ticked off at all. (I got away with that one!) Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
"why?" i asked.
he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said,"Oh crap", cuckooed 4 more times, coughed, cuckooed another 3 time, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffe table and farted."

2006-06-23 16:41:16 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 16:32:29 · 6 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

He got Lord Fluffykins good, not good good, bad good, if you know what I mean. I am distraught.
I'm thinking a couple of grand outta ease my suffering.
I just want the hurting to stop and hope to quickly resolve this out of court.

2006-06-23 16:29:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

amuse me, keep it clean, and see http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsaVQUIx.UFRAGP53P0RPqXsy6IX?qid=20060620183918AAmCFhM, for the ones i already have.

2006-06-23 16:27:05 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

I don't want Lord Fluffykins to become just another statistic.
The madness has to stop.

2006-06-23 16:25:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

the answers are not as simple as you think!... so think twice before typing!

1. You are participating in a race You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

2. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

well, start solving! i'll be back in a couple of days to reveal the answers :)

2006-06-23 16:24:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have gone the therapy route, tried meditation, ran, hiked, painted etcetera ad naseum, yadayadayada.
I thought about radical brain surgery, but is costly and could mess up my hair.
Is there a cream or something?

2006-06-23 16:22:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The thing is I agreed to join a pottery class with my significant other. I have a deathly fear of clay. I feel like it is watching me like some twisted perversian of dirt. The class starts in days, I do not know what to do.

2006-06-23 16:19:18 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw1U7yYz858&search=pokemon%20spoofs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqmAGITMXvo&mode=related&search=pokemon%20spoofs MWUAHHAHHA

2006-06-23 16:09:29 · 4 answers · asked by Jozpeh781 2

The shortest funniest joke gets 10 points

2006-06-23 16:07:45 · 19 answers · asked by Why Not 3

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only is it permissible.

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.


05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.


08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.


16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

2006-06-23 16:05:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

everyone knows what that third one means and what is stands. for everyone uses them everyday and if you listen to me carefullly i've give given you the third word what is it?

2006-06-23 16:03:35 · 23 answers · asked by denise_tricia 1

The wall behind him.

2006-06-23 16:02:16 · 5 answers · asked by Jesse S 2

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

2006-06-23 15:58:52 · 20 answers · asked by Bee 3

2006-06-23 15:58:35 · 10 answers · asked by funkymonkey 3

http://cgi.ebay.com/Authentic-Philadelphia-Pretzel_W0QQitemZ9533477066QQcategoryZ88433QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

2006-06-23 15:56:14 · 7 answers · asked by smooogle 1

2006-06-23 15:45:50 · 10 answers · asked by Bee 4

???

2006-06-23 15:44:37 · 21 answers · asked by Ken 2

the red head swam 5 miles,got tired and swam back, The brunette swam 9 miles got tired and swam back. The blonde swam 19 miles,got tired and swam back.

2006-06-23 15:43:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The greatest truck driver in the world was driving along a country lane
late one night when his truck broke down. All he could see was a faint
light in the distance. So he headed towards it. He came to an old
farmhouse and knocked on the door.

"Hello," he says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my
truck is broken down. I wonder could I have a bed for the night?"

"Well," says the farmer, "there are only two rooms, myself and the wife
in one, and my young daughter in the other."

"Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a
bed for the night, your daughter will be as safe as a house," says the
greatest truck driver in the world.

"All right," says the farmer. So he let the greatest truck driver in the
world in, and off everyone went to bed.

At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard in his
daughter's room banging against the wall. He got up and looked in,
there was the greatest truck driver in the world driving it into his
daughter, with his bare a s s going up and down.

He went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and
shoved the shotgun up the driver's a s s hole.

"All right," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world,
try and reverse out of there with a full load."

2006-06-23 15:39:16 · 77 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 15:34:28 · 9 answers · asked by looneytoons_69 2

1. If love was a ferry, where would I get off?
2. Why are things always in the last place you look? *easy*
3. Why do we have subtitles for english?



I especially need the answer for number one, someone has asked me this and I don't know.
Thanks.

2006-06-23 15:14:25 · 16 answers · asked by The~Before~&~After 1

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay. I don't need to see it...And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without, it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...Like
wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

No offense men.....just a little girlie humor!

Was this funny yet true?
SmileyCat : )

2006-06-23 15:06:21 · 12 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

My friend Matt asked me this question and I thought it was funny as hell.

2006-06-23 14:59:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

If I was in a bus that is traveling 50 miles per hour and I were to jump in the air for 2 seconds how many feet from the point I jumped would I land?

2006-06-23 14:44:44 · 16 answers · asked by Br 3