Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

Guess my name.

2006-06-23 11:32:09 · 16 answers · asked by fallenangel 2

Three men are trapped on an island. A group of cannibals catch them to make boats out of their skin. The cannibal chief says, "Since we are civilized people, we will let you choose the way you die." The first man says, "I don't really want to die! But if I have to, I want it to be quick, so cut my head off." The cannibals cut his head off and use his skin to make a boat. The second man says, "I don't really want to die! But if I have to, I'll die the same way that guy just did. Nice and quick." So the cannibals did the same to him and made another boat out of his skin. The third guy says, "Well, I aint afraid of dying. Give me a fork." So the cannibals gave him a fork, and he says, "You aint making no boat out of me," as he staves himself viciously with the fork!!!

2006-06-23 11:28:35 · 4 answers · asked by Bedam 2

2006-06-23 11:24:28 · 10 answers · asked by kombat601 2

2006-06-23 11:21:27 · 12 answers · asked by The Riddler 3

i dont care what kind of joke, long or short, it dont matter. i just wanna laf.

2006-06-23 11:13:31 · 15 answers · asked by corbin909 4

tell me ur email and i will email u and talk bout somthin stupid or somthin cool.

2006-06-23 11:01:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anthony G 2

A man had to show his grey chest hair to prove he could get his pension,
His wife said "you should have shown them your c**k - we could have got disability too!"

2006-06-23 10:41:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bar tender says we do not do guinness shandies we do bitter or lager. but i want a guinness shandy says the snail, look we do not do guinness shandy. But i want one the snail replies. The bar tender says to the snail if you keep this up i will have to kick you out. the snail asks again for a guinness shandy the barman picks up the snail and throws him outside. a week late the snail comes back in to the pub, and said why did you do that

2006-06-23 10:24:34 · 10 answers · asked by LEONARDO P 3

Some retired sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night." The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning." They couldn't believe it! "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

2006-06-23 10:23:52 · 25 answers · asked by Jodie 3

Pregnant blonde

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the
Driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but
I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "I have some really great news!"

I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and,
Breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was
Pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told
Her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's
More." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not
Having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could
Know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a
Home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

2006-06-23 10:17:43 · 20 answers · asked by Jodie 3

A woman brought duck into a vet. The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened. The vet shook his head, "I'm so sorry, your duck is dead." The owner wailed, "Are you sure"? “You haven't done any testing!" The vet left the room, and came back with a black Lab. As the owner watched, the dog stood on his hind legs and sniffed the duck. The dog looked at the vet and shook his head. The vet took out the dog, and returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and sniffed the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, and strolled out of the room. The vet said to the woman and said, "I'm sorry, this is most definitely, a dead duck.” The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The owner took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead"? "The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now $150.

2006-06-23 10:13:26 · 33 answers · asked by Jodie 3

mickey mouse was sad so donold ask him what was the matter. mickey said oh nothing i'm fine..
donold ask is the rumor true that u and mini are getting a devorce?
mickey said yeah it is true..
donold said is it because she is f**king nuts?
mickey said no because she is f**king ????

2006-06-23 10:10:14 · 19 answers · asked by Mickey 3

My boyfriend's has two brothers, one has two sister in laws and and my boyfriend and the other brother have one...How is that possible?

2006-06-23 09:57:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 09:51:35 · 14 answers · asked by dogfishperson 3

be real

2006-06-23 09:51:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anthony G 2

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I
was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way
he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

2006-06-23 09:49:52 · 10 answers · asked by evrythnnxs 4

Rocky the rooster was the biggest meanest rooster in the world,
He would spend all day beating the crap out of all the animals on the farm,
One day he picked on the farmyard cat,
Big mistake.. the cat beat the crap outta him!
Moral of the story......
No matter how big the c*** the p**** can always take it!

2006-06-23 09:47:16 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tait - East - the connection???

2006-06-23 09:42:26 · 12 answers · asked by gill 4

An miserable husband and wife were sitting in the lounge. The husband was watching the dog which had one leg in the air and was licking his 'bits'. Contemplating this the husband said "I wish I could do that." His wife answered "Give him a biscuit and he'll probably let you."

2006-06-23 09:38:24 · 15 answers · asked by dogfishperson 3

2006-06-23 09:20:52 · 16 answers · asked by nat 1

THINK HARD!!!!

2006-06-23 09:19:22 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

All I can remember of the joke is it is about a captian on a ship, and he is asking for clothes from his first mate, and one article is a red shirt so the blood wont show, and the punch line is he asks for his brown pants, but I can't remember the other things he asks for and why and why exactly he asks for his brown shirt (as in what is on the horizon, not to cover up what he will do in the pants!) Does anybody remember this joke?

2006-06-23 09:15:42 · 14 answers · asked by Corey 2

Three nuns at pearly gates can only get in by anwering questions. First nun name first man.. answer Adam - come on in.Second nun, first woman.. answer Eve - come in. Last nun (Mother Superior) a more difficult question - What were first words by Eve to Adam.. answer That's a hard one ! - Well Done - Enter!!

2006-06-23 09:12:27 · 26 answers · asked by l 2

Tell me the dirtiest joke u know!!!

2006-06-23 09:12:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 09:02:27 · 20 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

there are normally 4 of me and i block your view all the time.
I can be any thing from your inspiration and any colour.

2006-06-23 09:01:29 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer these questions
(got this off a site)

How long did the Hundred Years War last?

Which country makes Panama hats?

From which animal do we get cat gut?

In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

What is a camel's hair brush made of?

The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

What was King George VI's first name?

What color is a purple finch?

Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

First one to get all the answers right (or at least the most in 1 day) will get the points.

2006-06-23 09:01:01 · 9 answers · asked by HeArTsArEcLoSe 3

I'm picking whoever makes me laugh the hardest

2006-06-23 08:54:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. The word has seven letters...
2. Preceded God...
3. Greater than God...
4. More Evil than the devil...
5. All poor people have it...
6. Wealthy people need it...
7. If you eat it, you will die.

2006-06-23 08:54:16 · 14 answers · asked by www.Razackonline.com 4

2006-06-23 08:48:05 · 17 answers · asked by ☆Princess NonO☆ 4