Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-23 04:56:38 · 12 answers · asked by fact finder 1

Optimist or pessimist :)

2006-06-23 04:52:44 · 18 answers · asked by Purplgirl 5

Please nothing rude.

2006-06-23 04:17:32 · 21 answers · asked by Mummy of 2 7

An old couple is sitting on the porch. The wife asks, "You know what I'd like?" Husband says, "What?" She says, "I'd like a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup." He says, "That sounds good, I'll go get some." He gets ready to leave when his wife says, "Write it down. You know at your age your memory isn't what it used to be." He replies, "I can remember ice cream and chocolate syrup." He goes to the store and comes back 20 minutes later with 2 ham sandwiches. His wife says, "You dummy, I told you to write it down... I wanted mustard on mine."

2006-06-23 04:05:46 · 11 answers · asked by all things mystical 3

I'm not living impaired, therefore presume I already have a life, but several people have told me to get one, do they sell them in the shops or anything? I've not seen them advertised anywhere, I've even tried EBay! :P

Thank you in anticipation of all your silly/daft answers. :)

2006-06-23 03:57:37 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.

Need I say more?"

2006-06-23 03:44:54 · 9 answers · asked by bagelexec 2

Redneck Drinking Rule.............



A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico
our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."


An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He
says,


In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink
out of the same glass twice either.


The Alabama boy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Mexican
and the Iraqi, and catches his glass. He says, In America we have so
many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the
same ones twice.

God Bless America

2006-06-23 03:25:58 · 20 answers · asked by bagelexec 2

Ok,here it is:
This woman walks into the kitchen,and sees her husband with a fly swatter.She asks" Kill any flies?",he replies,Yup,3 males ad 2 females. Intruiged she asks"How can you tell them apart?".He says," 3 were on a beer can,and 2 were on the phone.

2006-06-23 03:25:14 · 23 answers · asked by Aubrey Animal Goddess :-) 2

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."

2006-06-23 03:23:20 · 13 answers · asked by bagelexec 2

The mechanic looks at it and after a few minutes gets it ticking over nicely. "What was wrong with it?" the blonde asks. "s hit in the carb," says the mechanic. The blonde says, "how often have i got to do that?"

2006-06-23 03:20:49 · 11 answers · asked by maxmoves 2

I need a really good laugh. Im a little sad these days.

2006-06-23 02:43:43 · 22 answers · asked by abigail 1

2006-06-23 01:50:09 · 32 answers · asked by legalboozer2003 2

monKEYS, donKEYS, and turKEYS. Okay maybe not the best riddle, but it's a start. First-timer okay?

2006-06-23 01:25:15 · 17 answers · asked by all things mystical 3

'You walk into the middle of the road' he said, 'and if you see two lights you curl up into a ball in between them both and wait for the lights go over you. ' So the rabbit demonstrated for the nervous little fellow. A car came along and the rabbit rolled up into a ball between the lights. The went over the rabbit safely. 'Now your turn' said the rabbit.
The nervous little chap walked into the middle of the road and saw a car coming. Like the rabbit had said he rolled up into a ball in the middle of the two lights. Then slat the liitle guy was strawberry jam.
'That's stange' said the rabbit, I've not seen a three wheeled car for years.'

2006-06-23 01:02:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which key did they remove?

2006-06-23 01:01:43 · 9 answers · asked by justaskn 4

how many letters are there to the answer of this question?

2006-06-23 00:58:03 · 25 answers · asked by •☺Midäs☻◘ 3

stomach is making strange noise.........is it Danger Signal ???
..... or is it something else.....??? what should i do???

2006-06-23 00:57:08 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A female missionary who worked with children was driving through the sahara desert. Her car broke down with nno Petrol/gas. She knew that she had seen a station miles back but she had nothing to put the petrol in. She looked hard and the only thing she could find was a potty (Where toddlers have apoo for those tho don't know what a potty is.) So off she went to get the petrol.
When she finally got back to the car she poured in the petrol.
As she was doing so a large car pulled up besides her and an Arab stepped out.
He said, 'Madam, I don't agree with your religion, but I do admire your faith.'

2006-06-23 00:39:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-23 00:36:23 · 26 answers · asked by mak mak 1

Mark is fat. Ryan is fat.
Which is fatter, Mark or Ryan?
^_^

2006-06-23 00:31:38 · 13 answers · asked by kevin! 5

But they said they had no vacancies. But they where short on Gorillas and they cost a lot of money. they ask the man if he would like to dress up and pretend to be the gorilla, they would pay himevery month and he'd have as many banana's as he could eat. All he had to do was swing on a rop and show his bottom to the crowd now and again.
The man like the idea and took the job. He soon became very popular with the crowds and loved the job. One day there was a lot of people watching sna d the man got over excited and swung on the rope to high. He flew over the cage and landed with a bum into the next cage. he was dazed and at first confused. Then he saw the lion standing there looking at him.
The man screamed and ran shouting 'Help, help he's going to kill me.'
Suddenly he heard a voice say.
'Will you shut your mouth or you'll get us both the sack.'

2006-06-23 00:25:06 · 6 answers · asked by Smart_Guy 4

I'm watching a clip but suddenly only sound is there....can u make up a scene where the sound fx is:

PLOP... PLOP... SPLOOOOSH!
let's c ur imagination....

2006-06-23 00:06:06 · 11 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

2006-06-23 00:04:11 · 20 answers · asked by genious Vikas 2

when a man kills animal for fun he is known as hunter and when an animal kills a man they are called beast.
does it make sense.

2006-06-22 23:56:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Major look at this stupid joke. Ha, ha, ha, ha

2006-06-22 23:50:16 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

ROSES AND HANGING BASKETS

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with

this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just

pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern

times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the

grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager

wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has

friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...

The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show

off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.

Like it?
And where are you liking it from? Best comments scores the big points!!! Oh boy, Oh boy!
Have a great day
SmileyCat : )

2006-06-22 23:44:32 · 5 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

Only one color, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
What am I?

2006-06-22 23:41:48 · 14 answers · asked by Louie J 3

Ath: Do you really believe in all that God stuff?
Ch: Yes I do.
Ath: What even the Bible?
Ch: Yes all of it.
Ath: So you actuall believe that Jesus walked on water?
Ch: Yes.
Ath: What even Noah?
Ch: Yes even Noah.
Ath: Surley you don't believe the story of Jonah?
Ch: Yes I do.
Ath: What that he spent a few days in the belly of a giant fish?
Ch: Yes.
Ath: But How can you believe that he did that? Thats impossible.
Ch: Well when I die and go to heaven I can ask him if its all true can't I?
Ath: What if he isn't in heaven what if Jonah's burning in hell?
Ch: Well you can ask him then.

2006-06-22 23:15:36 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-22 23:14:45 · 29 answers · asked by boxergirl 5

2006-06-22 22:42:46 · 10 answers · asked by King Julian 2