01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only is it permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
2006-06-23 16:05:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
how boring
2006-06-23 21:20:47 · answer #1 · answered by lindsay_cornwall 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
28. Any remark that can be titled as a "GAY" remark must in 30sec. of the phrase must say "No Homo" unless he is gay.
29. In a state of sheer emergency must you step over the bonds of the woman and money to buy the nessesary suppiles...that includes only of beer and chips...more must be required if in Super Bowl times.
30. If a man is caught crying he is intitled a wuss unless there is no more beer or cola, and his mother died...and the game was cancelled for rain.
31. If ever a man is given a book as a gift that doesn't have nudity, comedy, or anything with a shotgun the giver is shuned by him and the rest of the community.
32. Never put the seat up and if you come across it up already urinate and leave(you didn't so it).
33. If you and a buddy are arrested you are not allowed to leave him even if you are bailed out...unless there was blood then it's every man for himself.
34. If a new man enters the community then he must fight and win to earn respect
2006-06-23 23:20:34 · answer #2 · answered by azrael226 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if a man has a cold it must be refered to as the flu or any other deadly disease.
a man should not listen his girlfriend or wife whilst they are talking, instead just say yes, ok, i love you when she pauses.
whilst eating dinner or any food at all, you must chew as loudly and sloppy as possibly as it is so sexy.
there are 24hrs in a day and for at least 10 of those hrs you must have you hand firmly attached to your manhood. just make sure its still there.
2006-06-24 05:14:16 · answer #3 · answered by kimmie 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
sadly i dont have anything to add. i think everything was covered, and for a fact i am a rabid football fan, i can drink and hold in more than my boyfriend, and i love xbox. so there sissy girls!
2006-06-24 00:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by darknightangel15 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some of these are funny and international, but some just point to you being a jerk.
2006-06-23 23:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nothing needs to be added, that's sounds about right to me.
2006-06-23 23:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by ticklefoot 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If someone says "Pull my finger" you must do so.
2006-06-23 23:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by hatingmsn 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What in the hell is a "footy"?
2006-06-23 23:12:04 · answer #8 · answered by twiztidsdad 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
damn... thats alot of rules... I cant remember them all!
2006-06-23 23:07:48 · answer #9 · answered by iamigloo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
lol.........ok, now i understand the male species better.....thx!!
2006-06-23 23:43:07 · answer #10 · answered by chilli 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
dont u have any other job?
2006-06-24 02:34:40 · answer #11 · answered by sachi 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋