Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-26 05:18:23 · 11 answers · asked by jfahd 4

She is not telling me...

2006-06-26 05:14:08 · 10 answers · asked by Styloroc 4

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

2006-06-26 05:12:47 · 18 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

You get 5 things to take you are being droped off somewhere for an unknown amount of time, what do you take?

Me: Buck knife, Flint, Canteen, Hachet, Tent - backpack type(still one item)

2006-06-26 05:10:49 · 12 answers · asked by . 3

Im serious. I really wanna no. Where did the chicken go? Why wasnt in its pen? Stop looking at me.

2006-06-26 05:09:29 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

He spotted a bear. What color was the bear?

2006-06-26 05:06:38 · 13 answers · asked by aaronsgal 2

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson
about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved
a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a
worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy
as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the
whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead
as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor
asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely,
responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

2006-06-26 05:05:59 · 22 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

James was once walking in the street, when he saw a car comming at top speed to attack him. So he jumped onto a tree. He then saw an ant hiding up there!
Why was the ant hiding at the top of the tree?!

2006-06-26 05:05:29 · 7 answers · asked by SupaSphinx 2

2006-06-26 05:05:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-26 05:05:05 · 6 answers · asked by Jason The Great 6

The keepers were worried about it and the vet says that she is depressed as she doesn`t have a mate and basically wants sex. The keepers phone round all the zoos in Australia and then the rest of the world to find a mate but to no avail. Eventually they spot Kevin who is a big brute of a man cleaning out the cages and the keepers go up to him and ask him if he would shag the gorilla for 500 bucks. Kevin says he`ll have to think about it and let them no later. Later arrives and he says he will but on 3 conditions. The keepers ask what they are. Kev says that number 1 is no kissing, "i`m not kissing the bloody thing," he says. (do the aussie accents yourself) The keepers ask what the next one is and Kev says that no-one must ever know about it and the keepers agree. "What about the third condition?" they ask and Kevin says, "You`ll have to give me a week to come up with the 500 bucks." :)

2006-06-26 05:03:44 · 13 answers · asked by maxmoves 2

Subject: Fw: uh oh


A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave
at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "Do you know me?"
To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She said "Uh...no, I'm your son's math teacher."

Are you hahahahahahahin'? Where from? Best comment win's a piece of wet celery!!! wooo-hoo!

SmileyCat : )

2006-06-26 05:00:34 · 9 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

" I'm not touching that it's a f######g death trap "

2006-06-26 04:58:15 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok this actually happened to me; a few days before my b-day, last year in the mail, I got a T-shirt, black with "F@*$ Me It's My Birthday" in big white letters on the front. This was from a girl I met online, I liked the shirt so I wore it. A few days, after B-day, I went to the Post Office wearing that shirt to send stuff to her! Anyway I go into the PO and, I'm known in there BTW, there were 3 people behind me in line. I get to the window and the guy says, "Happy birthday!" I tell him, "It ain't my birthday." "He says, "I know," and in a lower tone of voice says, "I'm not gonna F@*k you either!" I just laughed! LOL Now what would your reaction be if the same thing happened to you?

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-26 04:56:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

the animals thjat women love are a minx in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an a-s-s to pay for it all

2006-06-26 04:43:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher
about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the
unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no
comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the
impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever
has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

2006-06-26 04:34:58 · 13 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-06-26 04:31:16 · 18 answers · asked by maxmoves 2

This is a riddle.

2006-06-26 04:21:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-26 04:15:48 · 15 answers · asked by maxmoves 2

2006-06-26 04:11:30 · 11 answers · asked by mutantduke 2

I have an ex mate who slept for 18 hours a day when he could get away with it. One day I walked into my mates house and the place was sweltering hot. The radiators were boiling and there was condensation running down the walls!!!! I walked into the livingroom and noticed the fire was on full blast and my mate was lying infront of it he was watching tv. Then I looked again and he was crying. I said to him what's wrong mate? Why are you crying? He said I'm burning.

2006-06-26 04:10:28 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

The funniest answer gets 10 points or 10 dollars, whichever comes 1st.

2006-06-26 04:07:18 · 8 answers · asked by police 6

2006-06-26 04:01:05 · 17 answers · asked by maxmoves 2

2006-06-26 03:59:23 · 12 answers · asked by Abhi 2

A female student shows up during a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels at his feet,
pleading...
"I would do anything to pass the exam".
She leans closer to him, flipping back her hair, gazing meaningfully
into his eyes and sensuously whispers "I mean..., I would do....
anything!!!".
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Oh yes" she said, "anything!"
He stared into her eyes, and in a whisper said "Would you...........................................................







..........Study?"

2006-06-26 03:51:55 · 16 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-06-26 03:49:15 · 12 answers · asked by Abhi 2

2006-06-26 03:48:54 · 20 answers · asked by mick j 2

where did the phrase.... freeze the balls off a brass monkey.. come from.
I cant find a category for trivia so I av put it under jokes and riddles

2006-06-26 03:47:23 · 5 answers · asked by mick j 2

This is what I just sent to answers-abuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com;

Come-on you people need to get your act together!! I know it's called 'Yahoo Answers' but probably 75, or more, % of what is posted isn't a question!! If somebody doesn't like it they can close the question NOT go crying to Yahoo mommie!! This was about a 'violation notice email!!!!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-26 03:36:20 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a blood shortage, and they hadn't eaten for days.
One day one of the bats comes home with blood all over his face. The other one say's 'Where did you get that blood?'
'Do you see that tree over there?' answers the bloody bat, 'Well I didn't.'

2006-06-26 03:33:11 · 7 answers · asked by Smart_Guy 4