Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-26 12:30:17 · 17 answers · asked by Vultoor 1

WRITE ANYTHING!

2006-06-26 12:29:36 · 38 answers · asked by sk8terdude 3

Angelo is in his rowboat, about to lower a solid bronze mermaid into his pool.Once the sculpture is placed on her throne sucessfully,will the water in the pool have risen,fallen, or stayed the same?

2006-06-26 12:26:21 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied...

2006-06-26 12:24:46 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.
He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car
so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably
have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything
she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
Look!" She said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!
He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Nobody has seen or heard from him since

2006-06-26 12:23:50 · 21 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

why did the duck try to cross the road

2006-06-26 12:13:59 · 45 answers · asked by GrabSomeEyes 2

10pts for funniest

2006-06-26 12:13:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. 1. 2. 3. 5. 8. 13. 21.... + 12. 13. 25. 38. 63.... + 76. 49. 125. 174. 299.... divide by 56. 74. 130. 204. 334. 538... = _._____ What is my Magic Number???

2006-06-26 12:10:59 · 34 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the local pharmacy,
Walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes bugged out and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!
I'll lose my license and they'll throw both of us in jail and all
Kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely Not! I cannot sell you any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
Husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

2006-06-26 12:03:40 · 20 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

when the weinies taste like sh*t...


lol..

2006-06-26 11:54:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is a joke only...so did you hear?

2006-06-26 11:53:36 · 9 answers · asked by BABY BLUE EYES 1

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years . . .
there's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange . . ."

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and
heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water
was full of pennies."

"I see."

"That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there
were nickels in the bowl."

"Really?"

"That night," she went on, "I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there
were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me
what's wrong with me!" she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits! "

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there,
it's nothing to be scared about."

"Your simply going threw the change."

2006-06-26 11:48:29 · 14 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

4 people need to get across a bridge, the bridge is quite weak and can only carry 2 people at a time, it is also quite dark, and there is only one torch, which cant be thrown back across as it is to dark, so it has to be walked back across..... however the people travel at different speeds, one takes 1 minute, another takes 2, the third 5, and the forth person takes 10 minutes, they must all get across the bridge in 17 minutes, how?

ps. if 1min and 2min go together for instance that takes 2 minutes etc

2006-06-26 11:47:38 · 10 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water the bartender replies by taking out his shotgun and pointing it to the man's face... the man then says "thank you" and walks away...... y did the bartender do this?

2006-06-26 11:26:44 · 10 answers · asked by someone that wont answer. 1

A woman walked up to an ancient-looking old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"Well..." Answered the man. "I smoke three packs of cigarettes and two spliffs a day. I also get through a case of whiskey a week, a crate of beer, and a couple of bottles of gin. I also go to a McDonalds Drive Thru every lunchtime, order takeaways every night, and never, ever exercise."

"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.

2006-06-26 11:21:59 · 27 answers · asked by badgerbadger 3

funny question coz i am bored lol

2006-06-26 11:19:34 · 13 answers · asked by Dina 2

Ring Ring
7 Days

2006-06-26 11:16:29 · 10 answers · asked by darcom1 4

what begins with a t has 4 letters in its name and is played all over the world?

2006-06-26 11:15:57 · 46 answers · asked by Aidan C 1

a pirate walks into a bar he bartender say man you look terrible how did you get the peg leg pirate say we went into battle against a bergade of other boats and a cannonball took out me leg

bartener says alright well how did you get the hook for a hand pirate says we were bording an enemy **** and the captain and i got into a sword fight and he chopped off my hand

bartender looks at him alright well one more question why do you have a patch over your eye pirate says i looked up and a bird crapped in me eye....after a moment of silence the bartender says you dont lose and eye from bird poop...pirate says yar was the first day with me hook

2006-06-26 11:11:41 · 9 answers · asked by big_daddy99_38 3

2006-06-26 11:10:04 · 31 answers · asked by jar jar 1

2006-06-26 10:59:27 · 7 answers · asked by kris 1

it's all rainy outside and it's depressing lol...i need a good laugh

2006-06-26 10:55:55 · 38 answers · asked by babygurl 3

> A Mexican man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he

> was the only Mexican man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white
> man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed
> here.
> The Mexican man turned around and stood up. He then said:
> "listen Pendejo....when I was born, I was BROWN,"
> "When I grew up, I was BROWN,"
> "When I'm sick, I'm BROWN,"
> "When I go in the sun, I'm BROWN,"
> "When I'm cold, I'm BROWN,"
> "When I die, I'll be BROWN."
> "But you pendejo ..."
>
> "When you're born, you're pink,"
> "When you grow up, you're white,"
> "When you're sick, you're green,"
> "When you go in the sun, you turn red,"
> "When you're cold, you turn blue,"
> "And when you die, you turn purple."
> "And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

2006-06-26 10:51:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Good luck!

2006-06-26 10:48:17 · 28 answers · asked by Mimi L 3

We recently conducted a poll as to whether men prefer women with large thighs or women with thin thighs. The results were pretty surprising. 10% of those men surveyed prefered women with large thighs. 10% of the men prefered women with thin thighs. And the other 80% prefered what's in-between. As for me I have to agree with the majority! He-he

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-26 10:35:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I come from the planet jupiter. At the moment I am making mad passionate love to your eyes, I know you are enjoying it because you are smilling :-) .................... Aren't you?

2006-06-26 10:25:58 · 58 answers · asked by Anonymous

she cant afford a washer and dryer she probably cant afford to keep you?

2006-06-26 10:25:54 · 16 answers · asked by stone cold 4

2006-06-26 10:25:18 · 2 answers · asked by Natalie H 1

I bloom in the spring, I may never be green, I maybe sweet or even sour, My fate is to die should I shower, so just what might I be.

2006-06-26 10:23:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

riddle

2006-06-26 10:20:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous