Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

What is 429,061+564,354+12,047-95,078-100,001x36?

2006-06-26 15:42:38 · 7 answers · asked by rljmmp 3

I AM WE TALL DID. I AM SOFA KING WE TALL DID.....

2006-06-26 15:42:34 · 17 answers · asked by babydollbeauty 2

There was this blonde girl who left work only to realize that she was going to have to drive home in a snowstorm. She remembered her daddy telling her that it was safest to follow a snowplow when driving in a storm. So she found a plow, and started to follow it.

After about 20 minutes, the plow pulled over and came to a stop. The driver got out, and came to the girl's window and asked her why she was following him.

The girl said, "My daddy always told me that it was safest to follow a snowplow during a storm."

The plow driver said, "Alright m'aam, but I'm almost done here at Walmart, and I'll be heading over to Kmart parking lot next."

2006-06-26 15:30:04 · 14 answers · asked by tictickchick 3

First one correct gets the 10 points...

2006-06-26 15:29:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay.
There is a boy and his dad driving.
They get in a car accident and the father dies instantly. The boy is hospitalized. He has to get surgery done.
The doctor walks in and says, "I can't operate on him.He's my son"
Who is the doctor?


The first person that gets this correct, gets 10 points.

2006-06-26 15:28:19 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-26 15:27:09 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

My hubby is always saying smart *** things and I can never get him back cause I'm just not a fast thinker.... anyone got anything I can use at a later date???

2006-06-26 15:14:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

i am bored wats the best joke u've heard lately

2006-06-26 15:10:35 · 12 answers · asked by mcr_fan_4evr 2

A co-worker of mine told me a few Mary Jane jokes, but she can't remember where she got them from... Does anyone know any of them. They're like little stories about mary jane that shows how dumb she is, or how she doesn't use her head and think

2006-06-26 15:08:36 · 3 answers · asked by ♥Punkin 1

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of Nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'."
"Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.
"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the Likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
"Well, that's interesting. Show Me."
So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.
"Oh no, no, no..." interrupts God,
(I love this!)
"Get your own dirt."

2006-06-26 15:01:20 · 24 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

2006-06-26 14:57:32 · 5 answers · asked by htwo0_h2o 2

2006-06-26 14:53:33 · 8 answers · asked by chris s 2

There are 5 houses in five different colors. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. These five owners drink a certain drink, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet no owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar or drink the same drink. The question is --- who owns the fish?
Hints:
- the Brit lives in the red house
- the Swede keeps dogs as pets
- the Dane drinks tea
- the green house is on the left of the white house
- the green house owner drinks coffee
- the person who smokes Pall Mal rears birds
- the owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill
- the man living in the house right in the center drinks milk
- the Norwegian lives in the first house
- the man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats
- the man who keeps horses lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill
- the owner who smokes Blue Master drinks beer
- the German smokes Prince
- the Norwegian lives next to the blue house

2006-06-26 14:44:55 · 9 answers · asked by Amanda 2

Some know me as two of twenty-six
Distanced by seven,
Plus the first between odds,
Its left neighbor twice for eleven.

I can travel 3 states in a fraction of an hour,
Some 90% of your air bags, 70% of your thinking power.

What am I?



I felt so stupid when I found out the answer :(

2006-06-26 14:36:23 · 10 answers · asked by ☼Shiloh☼ 2

Yeah, just tell me some, I can't wait till my friends hear them...

2006-06-26 14:26:14 · 4 answers · asked by bob jones 2

What has five legs but walks on two
Concerned with balck and white
But not really red or blue
A fine specimen this is for it has three eyes, not two
This creature hunting for good black and white
And not necessarily red or blue

2006-06-26 14:23:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man captures you and forces you make a statement about your surounding or whats happening right now. if the statement is true, he will shoot you, if the statement is false then he will stab you. whats the only statement you can say so that this guy can't harm you?

2006-06-26 14:22:55 · 10 answers · asked by chillalien 1

(got nothin against blondes k? i love em!)

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "

2006-06-26 14:12:41 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man boarded a flight from England to California. Once on the plane, he sees an acquaintance at the back of the plane. He shouted a greeting to this person, calling him by name, and a few seconds later he was arrested. Why?

2006-06-26 14:05:37 · 11 answers · asked by ☼Shiloh☼ 2

2006-06-26 13:58:53 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the only word in the English language with two synonyms that are antonyms of each other?

First correct answer gets the big 10!

2006-06-26 13:56:54 · 6 answers · asked by ☼Shiloh☼ 2

Dear Makers of Tide Detergent:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!

About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband belittled me about how clumsy I was, and generally became a big pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with bloodstains on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative and, to my surprise and satisfaction; all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were inconclusive and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

2006-06-26 13:56:46 · 11 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

First to name the song that these lyrics are from gets best answer.

"We're just two lost souls livin in a fish bowl year after year"

2006-06-26 13:47:51 · 11 answers · asked by Stacy M 2

Five married couples shake hands. Couples don'st shake their partner's hands or people they know. John asks the group how many hands each person shook and they answer 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7, and 8. How many hands did his wife shake? And how many hands did John shake?

2006-06-26 13:44:55 · 14 answers · asked by Dr. A, Luc, you 2

2006-06-26 13:24:44 · 13 answers · asked by rljmmp 3

When life gives you lemons...

funniest one gets best answer!

have fun!

2006-06-26 13:04:02 · 29 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

the chic at the counter says we dont have ne so she orders a hot cup of water, pulls out her tampon and puts it in the water,

2006-06-26 12:39:43 · 20 answers · asked by Katrabit 1

1. Take my last four letters away and I still sound the same. What am I?

2.Two fathers and two sons went into a bar to have a drink together. They spent fifteen pounds altogether and each man spent the same amount. How much did each man spend?

A.Six Pounds
B.One Pound
C.Five Pounds
D.Ywo Pounds

2006-06-26 12:37:45 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok, I have 4 cards laid out in front of me the cards have these symbols on them [A] [K] [2] [7] Now, the reverse of the cards also contain these symbols but maybe not the match the front...

And so, If i were to tell you that the card with A on it had a 2 on the reverse, what two cards would you need to turn over to prove me correct???

2006-06-26 12:36:36 · 11 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

8=8
4+4=4+4
4-4=4-4
4-4=2²-2²
2(2-2)=(2-2)(2+2)
2=2+2
2=4
1=2

How is dat?! 10 Points!!!

2006-06-26 12:32:11 · 20 answers · asked by SupaSphinx 2