2006-06-25 19:42:31 · 8 answers · asked by blueblast66 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Sex After 50 Years, In The Same Place
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
Okay, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old times sake?"
She says, "Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself.
He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
The pharmacist fainted
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2006-06-25 21:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the only one I can think of right now
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling
the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables,
were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found
only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least
we'll have a bit to eat."
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but
vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.
They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold.
Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing
more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...
2006-06-30 17:29:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about this one- copied from my QA
Two women are walking through a zoo... They come across the gorilla and notice that the male guerrilla has a massive erection. The women are fascinated by this. One of the women just can't bear it any longer and she reaches into the cage to touch it. The guerrilla grabs her, drags her into the cage and scre*s her for 2hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by.... When he's done, the gorilla throws the woman out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the woman is taken away to the hospital. A few days later, her friend visits her in the hospital and asks,
- Are you hurt?
- AM I HURT? She shouts, Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called... He hasn't written...Not even an sms!
2006-06-25 19:47:10 · answer #3 · answered by Pd 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A gentlemen walks into a general store to inquire about a condom, as he approached the clerk to inquire about the condom, she replied well what size do ya need.I don't know he replied....she said step this way. She led him to the back where a fence stood built 10 feet high....he noticed a hole in the fence...so he tried the first.....all of sudden felt an embrasive massage on his junk...he kinda liked that......decide to try the second hole......felt a lucious set of lips caressing and teasing.....IMMediately he zipped up and made his way to the counter..........The Clerk inquired if he had found the right size....and the man replied.....the Heck with the rubber...i want about 4 yards of that FENCE......shooooo
2006-06-25 21:04:59 · answer #4 · answered by CaSaNoVa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A horse and chicken are friends. One day the horse gets stuck in the mudpit and tells the chicken to get help. The chicken runs to the farmhouse and the farmer is not there, so the chicken takes farmers bmw, and pulled the horse out. The next day, the chicken gets stuck in a mudpit and tells the horse to get help. The horse just backs up and tells the chicken to hang on, and pulls him out.
The moral of this story is, "If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a bmw to pick up chicks."
2006-06-25 20:11:01 · answer #5 · answered by J Y 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
women persons eh Boob jobs nostril jobs the teeth bleaching tummy tucks liposuction colonic irrigation botox pierced ears, bellies and nipples eyebrows plucked bikini wax leg wax lenghty diets strenuous exercising ...and then wont take it up the **** reason cost 'it hurts' my spouse only got here upon out she become followed she wasdevastatedd and saved asking ydidn'tt they favor me i took her in my fingers and comforted her after awhile nevertheless crying she kissed me and requested me to make like to her which delivered about extra tears looking back banging her **** and screamingwho'ss your daddy 0.5 way besides the undeniable fact that turned right into a touch insensitive
2016-11-15 06:34:06 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS RETIRED ARMY COLONEL WAS SHOPPING AT WAL MART WHEN A CASHIEER WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAYS EXCUSE ME SIR BUT YOUR BARRACKS DOOR IS OPEN THE MAN ZIPS UP HIS PANTS AND CONTINUES HIS SHOPPING WHEN HE GETS READY TO LEAVES HE GOES TO HER LINE TO CHECK OUT HE ASK HER WHEN MY BARRACKS DOOR WAS OPEN DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE A FIVE STAR GENERAL STANDING AT ATTENTION NO SHE SAYS BUT I DID SEE A TIRED LITTLE PRIVATE SITTING ON TWO WORE OUT DUFFEL BAGS
2006-06-25 20:02:05 · answer #7 · answered by jse3_1962 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well its not really dat funny but i heard it recently and its the only one i remember:
husband: i was teachin my wife how to drive yesterday.
man: wow is she good
husband: yeah esspecially on the stick shift. she knows how to move it just rite.
man: i know wat u sayin
2006-06-25 19:48:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋