Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

Someone asked me that and I couldn't answer. I don't know if the question is correct, it could also be "what is it that men do every day that women do once a year?

2006-06-12 17:35:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

To make one word...

s t o r a s

2006-06-12 17:29:32 · 16 answers · asked by babie_gurl781 2

My uncle has got a new job, he now has 600 men under him. What is the job?

2006-06-12 17:21:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

2006-06-12 17:09:56 · 40 answers · asked by Aaron 1

Good evening everyone .. enjoy :)

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the
plane on the way to LA, when the American turned
to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of "-ese"
are you ?".

The Japanese, confused and replied, "Sorry but I
don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of "-ese" are
you ?".

Again, the Japanese was confused over the
question.

The American, now irritated, then yell, "What
kind of -ese are you ?? Are you a Chinese,
Japanese, Vietnamese, etc..."

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I'm a Japanese!".

A while later, the Japanese turned to the American
and asked, "What kind of "-key" are you ?"

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What you mean
what kind of "-key" I am ?".

The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a
Yankee ?"

2006-06-12 16:57:43 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-12 16:45:54 · 14 answers · asked by cooldude 1

e History Of The Middle Finger



Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I
Know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends and relatives
In the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun
When you know something about it?



Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating
Victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all
Captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be
Impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they
Would be incapable
Of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the
Native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known
As "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major
Upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at
The defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew!

Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult
Consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a
Labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction
With the one-finger-salute!

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used
With the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the

2006-06-12 16:33:03 · 12 answers · asked by Clyde 5

1$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1$)^2
= 0.01$
= 1c

2006-06-12 16:29:57 · 39 answers · asked by Aaron 1

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

2006-06-12 16:12:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

2006-06-12 16:09:41 · 8 answers · asked by ♥-=-TLCNJ19-=-♥ 5

hey i am rilly bored tell me some rilly funny jokes i will read through da jokes and da funniest 1 i will give u da 10 pionts!!!r u da funniest....???

2006-06-12 16:06:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-12 16:03:49 · 6 answers · asked by Emm 2

side point if ur a jew or if u know the bible ull probally no the answer

who was born,
never died,
isnt living any more,
yet still exists

2006-06-12 16:00:03 · 13 answers · asked by sarashapiro05 3

Once i came home and said "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."

Dad replied, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."

Well, aftr several months i went to him with my report card and said "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Dad replied, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."

I said, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

My dad replied, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

I gaveup car for my hair.

2006-06-12 15:58:09 · 11 answers · asked by Aaron 1

2006-06-12 15:46:02 · 16 answers · asked by MEGAN THE PLAYFUL SPIRIT 3

If you have let me know!

2006-06-12 15:38:26 · 21 answers · asked by jengle0544 1

Today is one of the first Father's Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.

Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.


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In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.

Today, it's the size of his minivan.


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In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.

Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.


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In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.

Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.


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In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.

Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.


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In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.

Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.


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In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia.

Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.


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In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.

If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.


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In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."

Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."


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In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.

Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."


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In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.

Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."


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In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.

Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted Sega!"


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In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.

Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.


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In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand tool.

Today, he'll get a digital organizer.


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In 1900, fathers said, "A man's home is his castle."

Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."


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In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.

Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.


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In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.

Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.


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In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.

Today, a father's involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.


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In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.

Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."


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In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.

Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So...how long have you had that earring?"


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In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.

Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.


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In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.

In 2001, fathers are never truly appreciated.

2006-06-12 15:35:02 · 12 answers · asked by Aaron 1

What do you call a dog when he is close to the BBQ pit?

2006-06-12 15:22:30 · 9 answers · asked by bethany j 1

2006-06-12 14:36:18 · 4 answers · asked by ???? 2

2006-06-12 14:17:34 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-12 14:11:09 · 9 answers · asked by opjames 4

Which onw come first the Chicken or the egg?

2006-06-12 14:02:43 · 20 answers · asked by cawhiteak 1

I can't do much so send me all the jokes you can. I really need cheered up. Gosh I hope I get better soon. I start back to college August 23rd. I have been in treatment off and on for seven years and I am only 22. But hey I am lucky just need to keep my mind off it. Help.

2006-06-12 13:55:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-12 13:51:21 · 4 answers · asked by Love420 2

dont no any

2006-06-12 13:50:08 · 13 answers · asked by Tori H 4

There's a giant dinosaur that just appeared in a schoolyard.

The guys can't hold him for another hour.

2006-06-12 13:32:43 · 3 answers · asked by Quack Man 1

2006-06-12 13:28:49 · 29 answers · asked by Love420 2

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) Leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

Drew (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you have to look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

2006-06-12 13:13:32 · 18 answers · asked by deed 5

2006-06-12 13:05:23 · 7 answers · asked by t♥t 2

How much trouble would you be in?

What would you do to remedy the situation?

2006-06-12 12:54:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous