First one who makes my laugh gets10 Pt's.?

Answer 1

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.

The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."

"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.

The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"

The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"

Answer 2

A man comes home very late one night and when he walks in the door his wife becomes
upset because he is very drunk. The husband pleads for her
understanding; "Honey I know this looks bad but I was at the most amazing place tonight
and it was very difficult not to stay longer. This place is called the Golden Saloon and it's
the most incredible thing. Everything is made of gold there. The front door is a massive
sheet of solid gold, the bar is gold, the chandeliers are made of gold - even the urinals are
made of gold!"
The wife sent him to bed and the next morning her curiosity got the better of
her. After the husband took his hangover to work for the day she got out the
telephone book and looked up the Golden Saloon. Sure enough, there was a
listing on the opposite side of town so she called the number. A bartender
answered and she asked him; "Is it true that your front door is made of
gold?"
The bartender replied; "It certainly is Ma'am."
She asked, "Is your bar made of gold?"
His reply; "Yes it is and it is truly beautiful."
Next she hesitated and then proceeded; "This is a little indelicate, but are
your urinals made of gold?"
The bartender was silent for a moment then he put the phone down and yelled into the
background; "Hey, Duke! I think I have a line on that guy who pissed in your saxophone
last night!"

Answer 3

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit."

Answer 4

A plane crashed onto an island, killing all passengers except

three men. The island was lush with many different types of fruit

trees, and the men set off to search for help. All of a sudden, a

group of tribespeople surrounded them with spears. Their chief

stepped up and threatened to kill them if they didn't do two tasks.

The first task was to each find ten of one type of fruit.

The first man brought back ten apples. The chief told him that if

he stuffed the apples up his anus without changing his facial

expression, he would be set free. The man stuffed the first and

second apples up his rear without flinching. However, at the

third apple, he grimaced a little and was, thus, killed.

The second man brought back ten cranberries. The chief told

him what he had to do to survive, so he proceeded to insert

the berries into his anus. He was doing well up until the ninth

berry, when he started to laugh uncontrollably. He was then killed.

On the way to heaven, the second guy ran into the first guy. The first

guy asked the second guy, "Why did you laugh? You were so

close to stuffing all the berries up your butt and surviving."

The second guy replied, "I saw the third guy coming. HE WAS

CARRYING PINEAPPLES."

Answer 5

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were driving through the country, when all of a sudden their car stalls. Samantha remembers seeing a farm a little ways back, so her and Janet walk to the farm, leaving Rebecca guarding the car.

When Samantha and Janet get to the farm, they tell the farmer what happened. The farmer raises a gun to their head and tells them to get a fruit, vegetable, whatever, just get something from the garden. Samantha grabs a turnip, and Janet grabs a single grape. Just as they come back into the farmer's house, Rebecca walks in. He tells Rebecca to do the same as they just did, and Rebecca heads off towards the garden. While she's out in the garden, the farmer tells Samantha and Janet to shove whatever they have up their ***, and who ever laughs, dies. Samantha laughs first, so the farmer shoots her. Then Janet laughs and she gets killed too.

So they are floating out of their bodies, and Janet asks Samantha why she died. Samantha said that the thought of sticking a turnip up your *** was just too funny. Samantha then asked Janet why she laughed, Janet said: "I saw Rebecca coming around the corner with a watermelon!"

Answer 6

there were 3 people on a plane that was about to crash:
the president
the smartest man on earth
AND
a little girl

so there were only 2 parachutes, and the smartest man in the world said:
"ok. who will take the other parachute, because i'm taking one. it should be the president, because he's more important that a little girl."

then the president said:
"i think the little girl should take the last parachute, because kids are our future."

then the smartest man on earth jumped off the plane.

and THEN the little girl said:
"let's both take a parachute, because the smartest man in the world took my backpack."



hahaha
do i get the 10 pts.?

Answer 7

ok this is a true application from the girls father to the guys lol i was lmao and i still am

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION
TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.

1. NAME__________________________...

DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___


2.HEIGHT__________________WEIG...

3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK__________________________...

5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STAT...

6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN_______________________...

7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________

8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE...
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____...
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__

9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________...

10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...

11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...

12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?_______________________...

13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?_______...

14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)

15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______________________________...
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)

Answer 8

Pudding

Answer 9

A tribe of savages captured an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Swede. They told them, "Don't worry, we're not cannibals. We're not going to eat you. We ARE going to kill you and skin you and use your skins to make canoes. But we'll give you your choice of how to die."

So the Englishman thinks about it and says "Well, dash it all, I suppose that if I simply must die, I should prefer to go by hanging!"

So they threw a rope up over a palm tree and hung him; his last words were "God save the Queen!"

Then it was the Frenchman's turn. He thought about it and said, "Eef I mus' die I zhould preefaire to die by dreenkeeng a glass of poison' wine!"

So they gave him a glass of poisoned wine. His last words were "Vive le France!"

Then it was the Swede's turn. He said "Give me a fork."

So they gave him a fork and he started stabbing himself all over his body. His last words were, "Nobody gonna make a canoe outta ME!"


Now, laugh-- or I'll tell it again!

Answer 10

A man is sitting in his cabin in the woods and hears a knock on the door. When he goes to answer it, he finds there's nobody there, but there is a snail sitting on his welcome mat. Not much of a fan of snails, he picks it up and throws it way into the forest.

A year later, the man is sitting in his cabin when he hears a knock on the door. When he answers it, he hears a small voice say, "Hey man, what'd you go and do that for!?"