2006-06-12 16:45:54 · 14 answers · asked by cooldude 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Yo Mama Jokes [collected by Lamda]
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Yo mama is so ugly:
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
---x---
Yo mama is so stupid:
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.
Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
---x---
Yo mama is so short:
Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.
Yo mama so short she models for trophys.
---x---
Yo mama's hair is so short:
Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
Yo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.
---x---
Yo mama is so dirty:
Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.
Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!
Yo mama so dirty that you can't tell where the dirt stops and she begins.
---x---
Yo mama is so hairy:
Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
---x---
Yo mama is so greasy:
Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
---x---
Yo mama is so nasty:
Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.
Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
---x---
Yo mama's head so small:
Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
---x---
Yo mama is so tall:
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
---x---
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow:
Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
---x---
Yo mama's head so large:
Yo mama head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar.
---x---
Yo mama is so fat:
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
---x---
Yo mama is so old:
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
---x---
Yo mama's nose is so big:
Yo mama nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from the weight!
---x---
Yo mama is so flat:
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!
---x---
Yo mama is so bald:
Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
---x---
Yo mama is so dark:
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk!
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
---x---
Yo mama's glasses so thick:
Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
---x---
Yo mama is so skinny:
Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
---x---
Yo mama's house is so small:
Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
---x---
Yo mama's house is so dirty:
Yo mama house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
---x---
Yo mama has:
Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle.
Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper.
Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
Yo mama has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.
Yo mama has a glass eye with a fish in it.
Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.
Yo mama has a short arm and can't applaude.
Yo mama has so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
Yo mama has three fingers and a banjo.
Yo mama has a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
Yo mama has a bald head with a part and sideburns.
Yo mama has a wooden leg with branches.
Yo mama has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
---x---
Yo mama is so lazy:
Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
---x---
Yo mama is so poor:
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.
Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
---x---
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow:
Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
---x---
Miscellaneous yo mama jokes:
Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!
Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama twice the man you are.
Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.
Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo mama middle name is Rambo.
Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
---x---
--- LeeeN
2006-06-12 16:49:44 · answer #1 · answered by LiN 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave
Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of
the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won,
the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. They looked
around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to
volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe
who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and
poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to
the debate. Not being used to saying very much as he cleaned up around the
settlement, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other
for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers
in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The
Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can
stay.' An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what
happened. The Pope said: 'First I held up three fingers to represent The
Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was
still one God common to both
our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was
all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was
also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God
absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original
sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?'
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this
old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted
was
impossible! . 'What happened?' they asked. 'Well,' said Moishe, 'First he
said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that
not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be
cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.'
'And then?' asked a woman.
'I don't know,' said Moishe. 'He took out his lunch and I took out mine.'
2006-06-12 18:16:45 · answer #2 · answered by moonearth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geez- Leave some room for everyone else's jokes- I hate it when people do that. Think they get an easy 10 pts for copy and paste. anyways here's mine:
yo mama's so old she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch
2006-06-12 17:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by brandijolove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know,but here are my favorites,yo mamma's hair is so short she has to smile to put it in a ponytail.yo mamma's teeth are so yellow,when she closes her mouth,her belly lights up.yo mamma's hair is so short,she has to roll it up with rice.
2006-06-13 02:44:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo mama so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed three episodes of Jerry Springer.
2006-06-12 17:18:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo mommas so old, ashton kutcher would go out with her.
2006-06-12 17:49:00 · answer #6 · answered by Emuhlee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
2006-06-12 17:52:07 · answer #7 · answered by Jeff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You momma's so ugly; once she got pulled over for speeding, the cop gets up to the window and says, "Never mind.". -peace.
2006-06-12 17:22:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your momma's soo stupid, that she stuck a cell phone up her but & said she was makin a bootie call.
2006-06-12 16:56:31 · answer #9 · answered by ♥♪♫[K]ath² [BUTT '14 ツ]♫♪♥™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-01-26 10:40:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
2006-06-12 17:01:47 · answer #11 · answered by GaPeach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋