Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-12 20:33:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A junior dr was left behind while his boss was out. When he came back the senior dr asked how many petients the young guy had treated.
"Three" said the junior. "one patient came in complaining about constipation I gave her laxatives...another complaining about a headache, I gave him aspirin." The senior dr says that was good, but what about the third one? Junior:, "She was a very beautiful woman. She came in and started to undress herself infront of me. She said she had just been released from prison and had not seen a man for five years...so I gave her eye drops!'

How do you rate?

2006-06-12 20:30:58 · 16 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

is it u?

2006-06-12 20:24:30 · 17 answers · asked by Jasmine B 3

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

2006-06-12 20:21:02 · 13 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

& how?

Note- Mad Scientist is not on the list!!

2006-06-12 20:14:46 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

you broadcast this Barney song.."I love u, u love me, we're a happy family...." worldwide over & over again?

2006-06-12 20:14:40 · 5 answers · asked by chilli 4

:)

2006-06-12 20:10:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

who would you choose to be your sidekick.....Barney or Sponge Bob? Why?

2006-06-12 20:07:46 · 8 answers · asked by chilli 4

2006-06-12 20:05:06 · 58 answers · asked by Anonymous

give it a try :)

2006-06-12 20:01:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were three guys that died and went to heaven.

The first went up and then God said, "You have committed adultery so you shall own a bike."

The second guy comes up and God says, "You have almost committed adultery so you shall own a motorcycle."

The third guy goes up and then God says, "You have only thought about adultery so you shall get a Porsche!"

The first guy comes up to the man in the Porsche and starts Laughing and the man in the Porsche asks, "Why are you laughing? You only got a bike!"

The guy on the bike says, "I just saw your wife on a skateboard!"

2006-06-12 19:55:03 · 9 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

use DIAPERS as PARACHUTE ????........ What do u think???

2006-06-12 19:52:08 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 points for any body

2006-06-12 19:45:46 · 17 answers · asked by Dr ICY 2

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Jody plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.

The robbery begins. Jody drives up to the front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "Are you absolutely sure you understand the plan? You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Understand?"

"Perfectly," said Buffie.

Buffie goes into the bank while Jody waits in the getaway car. One minute passes . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Jody is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe into the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

2006-06-12 19:43:04 · 6 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

1) if money doesnot grow in trees, then why do banks have branches ?
2) why does a round pizza comes in a square box ?
3) why doesnot glue stick to its bottle ?
4) why do you still call it building when it is already built ?
5) if its true that we are here to help other,what are the others here for ??
6) if you are not supposed to drink and drive why do bars have parking lots ?

2006-06-12 19:41:47 · 16 answers · asked by Happy Alf 3

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping.

2006-06-12 19:41:20 · 7 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

What do you call a Leisbian with fat fingers?

Well hung

2006-06-12 19:11:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you make me cry laugh roll on the floor and/or squirt milk out of my nose.Please do not put anything inappropriatte like bad words ,Yo mama jokes ,dumb blondes,or jokes that include @#$%$$%^$@%@#%^^*..ok

2006-06-12 19:06:18 · 14 answers · asked by peacetiggyjc 2

If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?



just thought I would ask this one again ;)

2006-06-12 19:02:01 · 6 answers · asked by destineypyle 4

who do you let in first?

2006-06-12 18:55:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you know what you did wrong, when your wife won't stop nagging at you from the kitchen?

You didn't make the chain short enough.

2006-06-12 18:49:08 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-12 18:33:34 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-12 18:29:16 · 9 answers · asked by Shea 3

2006-06-12 18:28:38 · 7 answers · asked by Shea 3

I NEED IT BY TODAY!!!!!!!!

2006-06-12 18:13:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lawyer, a doctor, and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?"

The lawyer explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.

As before, the doctor explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.

Finally the redneck appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"

"Well," said the redneck, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

2006-06-12 18:03:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

only one please also make it original

2006-06-12 18:00:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

i was walking to corydon and i saw a man with seven wives. each wife had seven bags and in each where seven cats with seven kittens! how many people were walking to corydon?

2006-06-12 17:41:34 · 21 answers · asked by dorkwad 1

Does anyone know when people ask you "What's your secret?" what that means. I just roll my eyes. But I'm too embarrased to ask. I asked my closet friends, but they didnt know. And my name is Victoria. Victoria's Secret. I derno. Thanks.

2006-06-12 17:41:24 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two deeply religious retirees were playing chess and sipping fine whiskey. They enjoyed the mid-day sun almost as much as much as watching the local citizens walk by.

A few minutes go by and a middle-aged woman pushes a baby stroller past them.

The first man looks to the other and says, "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Aye," says the other as he takes a pull from his whiskey. "Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a wee one."

"Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they go about their game of chess.

A few minutes later, a young couple strolls down the avenue hand in hand, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes.

The first man looks to the other and says, "You thinking what I'm thinkin'?"

"Aye," says the other as he takes another pull from his whiskey. "Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a lover."

"Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they do about their game of chess.

A few more minutes later, a young lass wearing clothes scarcely covering her shapely curves, stops right in front of them. She bends over giving them full exposure to her lovely rear and smells the flowers in a near flowerbed and walks on.

The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I'm not rightly sure this time, Shamus," says the other as he takes yet another pull from his whiskey. "But if I am, I'll surely be joining' you in confession this afternoon."

2006-06-12 17:36:45 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous