A lawyer, a doctor, and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?"
The lawyer explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the doctor explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.
Finally the redneck appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"
"Well," said the redneck, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."
2006-06-12 18:03:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A chemist, a biologist, and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting for the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.
"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch, and nothing happened.
Under state law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner has to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?"
"No, just get on with it."
The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.
"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."
2006-06-12 18:03:20 · update #1
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
2006-06-12 18:05:17 · update #2
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
2006-06-12 18:06:11 · update #3
http://www.the-jokes.com/
Here's the site where I got them from. I would've posted more, but some were too long.
2006-06-12 18:11:58 · update #4
The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face, saying,
"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I
belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one
which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am
embarrassed and do not intend to accept this."
"Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask
forgiveness from God and this Christian family."No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face
me and admit that this is a falsehood? Remember, you
will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel wonderful.
Now please stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde named Cathy,with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew.Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke.
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding."
"I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard
under the sheets!"
The preacher fainted.
2006-06-12 18:11:20 · answer #1 · answered by paintr77 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
OK That last one with the Amish guy was really good... the others were just alright, but that one made me laugh. That would make a great live action skit or short (very short) film.
2006-06-13 04:13:32 · answer #2 · answered by eggman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haaaaa ha ha ha the window, no car, but a door, hahahaha thats halarious
2006-06-13 01:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i laughed at all 3 jokes so i give it 2 thumbs up:)
2006-06-13 01:13:16 · answer #4 · answered by peacetiggyjc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, these are funny. If you have some more, post them.
Great.
2006-06-13 01:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by sammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rotflmao 2 both but i think i've heard em before...hmm
2006-06-13 01:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by amby pamby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last one was good. I already knew the other two. Thanks for the try
2006-06-13 01:08:38 · answer #7 · answered by Espectacularrrrr! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny, made me laugh
2006-06-13 01:07:27 · answer #8 · answered by granny's baby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cute jokes.
2006-06-13 01:07:26 · answer #9 · answered by moma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no
2006-06-13 01:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋