Little Johnny Joke.... anyone have any others?

Question

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Answer 1

"Little Johnny - Hiking"


A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"



" Little Johnny - I Like Your Thinking "


A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."



" Johnny Skips A Grade "


A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is !!I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was... The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.

Principal: " What is 3x3?"
Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?"
Johnny: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, " I think Johnny can go to the third grade," The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Johnny, after a moment, "legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal' eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied," Pockets".

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, " Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions".



" Little Johnny - Beautiful "


One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentences twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought My mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just freakin beautiful!'

Answer 2

This is funny and I love little johnny jokes but i have none of them.

I found one

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

Answer 3

So Johnny is sitting in class one day, and the teacher wants the kids to tell a story with a moral. She asks someone to start, and little Johnny is raising his hand, obviously excited to tell his story. The teacher thinks, 'No, can't call on Johnny, he has a pottymouth.' "Okay", she says, "Susie, what's your story?" "Um", Susie starts, "I was riding my bike to the store, and I bought some eggs that my mom wanted me to. I was riding back, and I fell over." "Okay", the teacher says, "What is the moral?" "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." So, all the kids tell their stories. Finally, there's like 20 minutes left in class and Johnny is still very excited to tell his story, so the teacher finally allows him to, as long as he keeps it clean. Ok, Ok, Johnny excitedly agrees. "So, my dad's in Vietnam, right? He has two clips of 25 rounds for his M-16, his bowie knife, and a fifth of Jack Daniels. These 60 Vietnamese are chasing him, when he jumps in a hole. He slams the fifth of Jack, jumps up, shoots 25 of the bastards! Goes back in the hole, reloads, jumps up again, and shoots 25 more! He throws his gun on the ground, and cuts the last 10 guys heads off!" He sits down, and the teacher is stunned. "Okay, Johnny, what was the moral of that story?" "Don't screw with my dad when he's drunk!!"

Answer 4

Funny...Thanks for the joke. Anyway Little Suzy always wore a dress and after school she always went to the playground. When she comes home she says "Mommy! Mommy, Johnny and I went on the slide and he let me go first. Isn't he nice?"
Then her mother shocked says "Honey I want you to wear pants to the playground from now on. Johnny probably looks up your dress at your underwear."
The next day Suzy wears a dress but when her mother scolds her when she comes back from the playground Suzy explains "But Mommy I tricked Johnny! I didn't wear any underwear!"
And hear is another one...Johnny's teacher once asked him to sing the alphabet but Johnny said he couldn't because he had to go to the bathroom so the teacher said "Well just quickly sing it then you may go." So very quickly Johnny started "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y, and Z"
Then the teacher says "Wear is the P?"
"Running down my leg."

Answer 5

Little Johnny and Little Suzie went to Little Johnny's parents and said they were getting married. The parents thought that was cute and they started asking them some questions.

Dad asked,"Where are you going to live?"
Little Johnny said, "In my bedroom, there's plenty of room."

His Mom asked, "Will you have enough money?"
Little Johnny thought and said, "If we combine our allowances, we'll have plenty."

His Dad asked,"What are you going to do if you have kids?"
Little Johnny replied,"Well we've been lucky so far!"

Answer 6

There's this little boy Johnny and one day he goes up to his mother and asks: "Mom, how old are you?" Mom: "Now, now, Johnny. That's a personal question. YOu don't ask those kinds of personal questions to women." "How much do you weigh?" Mom: "You're too young to understand that you don't ask those kind of questions to women." "Why did Dad leave us?" Mom: "your too young to understand that too, I'll tell you when you're older" So Johnny goes back to school and tells little TOMMY: "TOMMY, my mom doesn't want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn't answer any of my questions" And little TOMMY replies: "you should go into her wallet and look at her driver's license. All your questions will be answerd. So Johnny goes back home and look into his mom's purse and looks at her driver's license and goes to his mom: "Mom, you're 39 years old." Mom: "Yeah that's right I am." "And you weigh 142 lbs." Mom: "yupp that's right." "One last thing... I know why dad left us." Mom: "oh really, why?" "Because you got an F in sex"

Answer 7

the teacher asked johny to learn his alphabets by tomorrow. since he didnt know them he asked the people around him at his house.
first he asked his mom," mom can u tell me the alphabets?" his mom asnswered," shut up! i'm on the phone" he wrote it down

He went to his sister. " hey sissy can u tell me the alphabets?" she was also on the phone and sed "uh huh uh huh" so he wrote it down.
Now he went to his baby brother and asked him to giv him the letters of the alphabet. his bro was watchin bat man so he was singing "du du du du Bat Man!!!!" so johny wrote that down.
johny now went to his dad and asked him about the alphabet. his father was workin on the toilet and wasnt paying attention to johny and sang "in the toilet! in the toilet!" and johny wrote that down.
now john went to his neighbor and asked him for the alphabets. his neighbor was on fire and was shouting "my winie's on fire! my winie's on fire!" so johny wrote that down.
johny went to his grandparents house and asked grandma about the alphabets. his grandparents were in a fight and his grandma said " your mama!"

now he was back at school and his teacher asked him to recite the alphabet. then johny said," shut uo i'm on the phone!" the teacher was shocked and asked him "do u want to go to the prinicpal's office?!" and johny answered "uh huh uh huh". so he was sent to the principal's office. the principal asked him who he was and johny said," du du du du Bat Man!!!!!" as the principal got furious he demanded on knowing where johny lived. " in the toilet! in the toilet!" answered johny. " what is your problem little man?!" asked the principal. as johny again answered "my winie's on fire! my winie's on fire!" " dat's it young man! who taught u all of this?!" "your mama!" johny answered cooly.

and i loved ur joke

Answer 8

it was little johhny's birthday and his mom comes in to wish him. she asks him what he wants as a present...
johhny says "mom, can i have a bath with you? please, its my birthday!" his mom gets nervous but she finally agrees and says, "ok, but dont look up and dont look down"
But in the shower, johhny looks up. "mom, what are those?"
"umm...they're lamps"
He looks down and asks, "mom, what's that?"
"thats....uhh....thats a bush."

His dad comes to wish him later. johhny says, "dad, can i have a bath with you? please, its mt birthday"
Dad also gets nervous and says, "ok, but dont look down"
in the shower, johhny looks down "Dad, what's that?"
"er...that's a snake"
"hey dad! i have one too!"
"yes thats right"

finally johhny says to both of his parents. "mom, dad can i sleep in your bed tonight? its my birthday!"
they say, "ok but dont look under the sheets"
when johhny looks under the sheets, he says "MOM, SWITCH ON YOUR LAMPS, THE SNAKE JUST SLITHERED INTO THE BUSH!"