Today is one of the first Father's Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
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In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's the size of his minivan.
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In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.
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In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
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In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
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In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
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In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia.
Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.
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In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
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In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."
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In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
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In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."
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In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted Sega!"
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In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
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In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand tool.
Today, he'll get a digital organizer.
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In 1900, fathers said, "A man's home is his castle."
Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."
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In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.
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In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.
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In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.
Today, a father's involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.
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In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."
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In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So...how long have you had that earring?"
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In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.
Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.
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In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.
In 2001, fathers are never truly appreciated.
2006-06-12 15:35:02 · 12 answers · asked by Aaron 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
OMG 'TLJN19' this is jokes sectin and you are making us cry.
2006-06-12 16:57:18 · update #1
cool and nice, but so true. did you make that up?
2006-06-12 15:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by ruhhsoo251 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HOTEL KERALA-FONIA
On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's infested here
It's infested here
His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar, I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray
Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies
The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!
(c) The Yeagles
The lyrics of Hotel California from which the above song was inspired as a parody is below...
2006-06-20 22:23:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
never had a father- but I appreciate the sperm he donated to create me... I am much needed in this world to represent his mistakes. And a constant reminder that he can never redeem himself for what he did to my mom, sister, and me.
2006-06-12 16:46:30 · answer #3 · answered by ♥-=-TLCNJ19-=-♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tura lura lura
2006-06-22 10:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, in ten years when I'm a father, what will I have to do?
2006-06-15 13:20:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess i'm not ready for being a father
2006-06-12 16:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice and so True
(but too long) lol ;)
2006-06-12 15:42:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice one
2006-06-21 01:48:56 · answer #8 · answered by gini_241186 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol! you totally stole this article! but its really true
2006-06-12 16:08:06 · answer #9 · answered by tots 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good one
2006-06-22 09:20:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋