2006-06-12 14:36:18 · 4 answers · asked by ???? 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
a joke and a funny aplication lol
Redneck 911 Call
A couple of redneck hunters are out in
the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing
and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other redneck starts to panic, then
whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He frantically blurts out to the operator,
"O my gawd! Help! My friend just died.
He's Dead! What can I do?"
The operator, trying to calm him says,
"Take it easy. I can help.
Just listen to me and follow my instructions.
First, lets make sure he's dead."
There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!
The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
ok this is a true application from the girls father to the guys lol i was lmao and i still am
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION
TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.
1. NAME__________________________...
DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___
2.HEIGHT__________________WEIG...
3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK__________________________...
5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STAT...
6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN_______________________...
7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________
8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE...
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____...
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__
9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________...
10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...
11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...
12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?_______________________...
13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?_______...
14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)
15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
______________________________...
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)
2006-06-12 14:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by idkjustanothergurl 3 · 8⤊ 2⤋
You Know You're Too Drunk When........
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom,
you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women
or Men].
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more
attractive.
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
I'm as jober as a sudge.
The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.
2006-06-12 18:14:25 · answer #2 · answered by mischiefmaker_kc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone called with a really funny, heavy, cheesy accent and I thought it was my dad cuz he does that a lot!
So he said: "May I speak with your mom?"
I said: "Dad, stop joking around! I can tell by your cheesy accent!"
Him: "I'm not your dad!"
Me: "Yes, you are."
Him: "No!"
Me: "Whatever." (I give the phone to my mom)
My mom: "Chelsea, this isn't your dad!"
A true EMBARASSING story!
2006-06-12 14:54:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this one time when my cousin was 6 my cousin called the cops and they said this is 911
and he said sorry i was trying to call the cops and he hung up
2006-06-12 15:07:08 · answer #4 · answered by Tre' M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋