Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

Pupil: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Pupil: good, because i didn't do my homework.

2006-06-15 00:20:40 · 9 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

2006-06-15 00:20:00 · 13 answers · asked by roadkill 2

10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dread", and he insist that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking me if his bulletproof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his haemorrhoids.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

2006-06-15 00:18:39 · 11 answers · asked by roadkill 2

Go on, complete the joke- what's your favourit Doctor Doctor gag?

2006-06-15 00:17:04 · 7 answers · asked by Sitting Still 4

Let me hear your best jokes and if yours is the best one then you earn 10 points...easy, isn't it?

2006-06-14 23:57:13 · 29 answers · asked by adozenredroses12 3

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

2006-06-14 23:53:08 · 12 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

2006-06-14 23:45:11 · 15 answers · asked by grundy 1

explain

2006-06-14 23:42:10 · 11 answers · asked by Sweetie 3

You are locked in a room with only one exit door. Next to the door are two buttons - a black one and a white one. One of them opens the door and the other does nothing. Obviously, you do now know which one does what and you only have one chance to select and push a button.

To help you, there are 2 IDENTICAL voice-activated computers in the room - one computer 100% always tells the truth, and the other one 100% always tells a lie. You have no idea which one is which.

You are only allowed to ask one question to ONE of the computers (you pick which one) about which one is the right switch.

What question would you ask that would result in you pushing the correct button to open the door???

2006-06-14 23:21:51 · 12 answers · asked by G-man 2

I have 25 $ in my account. i make the following transactions::

withdraw= $ 10 amount left = 15 $
withdraw = $8 amount left = 7 $
withdraw = 5 $ amount left = 2 $
wihdraw = 2 $ amount left = 0 $
--------------------------------------------------------
withdrawal = 10 + 8 + 5 + 2 = 25 $
amount left total = 15 + 7 + 2 + 0 = 24 $

why the difference of 1 $?

2006-06-14 23:05:01 · 15 answers · asked by ariesera 3

The only one I can remember is: "Man who walks through aircraft door sideways is going to Bangkok"

2006-06-14 23:00:38 · 9 answers · asked by daniel m 3

2006-06-14 22:57:07 · 10 answers · asked by Loso 2

How about this one?

Joe and Mike are enjoying a great round of golf one day, when all of a sudden - lightning begins to strike all around them. Following the cardinal rule in this situation, Joe begins to briskly walk towards the clubhouse, as does everyone else on the course. Joe looks back at Mike who, instead, pulls out his 1-iron and begins to wave it high up in the air, intent on waiting the lightning storm out. Puzzled by this, Joe asks Mike why he was doing such a ludicrous act, to which Joe replies "Simple - even God can't hit a 1-iron"

2006-06-14 22:48:24 · 11 answers · asked by G-man 2

You so crazy...i think I wanna have yo baby

2006-06-14 22:36:12 · 4 answers · asked by windside 2

joke which is new one which create humour

2006-06-14 22:34:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

She hit him upside the head with a bag of quarters!

2006-06-14 22:32:06 · 5 answers · asked by John D 2

here is mine
beckham and rooney are in a pub, when rooney falls off his seat and lands spread out on the floor. sven sees this and rushes over to find out what has hapened.he asks beckham what he thinks, beckham replies" i think he's broken his metal bar stool"

2006-06-14 22:24:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Having new friends at my office.
do you have good idea for wellcome 4 people to our new office, they are about 26 years old.

2006-06-14 22:14:49 · 5 answers · asked by boathouse 2

Only one color, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
What is it.

A time when they are green, a time when they are brown,
But both of these times, cause me to frown.
But just in between, for a very short while,
They are perfect and yellow, and cause me to smile!
What am I talking about here?

2006-06-14 22:00:05 · 6 answers · asked by hey 1

Q: What's a birth control pill?
A: It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.

Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the p* ussy.

2006-06-14 21:59:41 · 10 answers · asked by talkbox 4

2006-06-14 21:56:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

My penis is so big, I have to use the main fuel pod of the space shuttle for a condom. lol

2006-06-14 21:39:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull
off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten
year-old son in the apartment was to send him out
on the balcony and order him to report on all the
neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put
their plan into operation. "There's a car being
towed from the parking lot," he said. "An
ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons
have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a
new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know
that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,"
his son replied.

2006-06-14 21:35:57 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's called dehydrated water. It's a real product, you can buy it here:
http://www.buydehydratedwater.com/


Having used it, I have found that I can't live without it!
Its that good. And whenever I stop using it, I found that
I crave for it. You can say that its very addictive, nonetheless
I recommend you all to try it

2006-06-14 21:24:07 · 5 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-06-14 21:00:23 · 17 answers · asked by buffy Fan 2

2006-06-14 20:52:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 20:51:22 · 5 answers · asked by sheridon 1

Dear Answerholics help this lady,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as Super 12 Version 5.0, Tri-Nations 3.0, Limited Overs 7.2 and especially Golf Clubs 4.1.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

2006-06-14 20:14:14 · 19 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-06-14 20:08:30 · 74 answers · asked by Anonymous

A link to your winner's profile page is optional but, good.

Rude remarks are welcome if they are accompnied by some really smart-alecky comments.

2006-06-14 20:06:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous