Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

They both have a 14 year old crack habit.

2006-06-14 20:05:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you add an “s” to the end of a certain word, you will not form a plural word. You will instead make a brand-new word, which is both a verb and a noun. You begin by not having any in the world.

QUESTION: What is this brand-new word?

2006-06-14 20:04:02 · 5 answers · asked by im_a_friend_of_dorothy 1

Don't hesitate to ask me, I am the master key of answers.

2006-06-14 20:03:26 · 22 answers · asked by Great Man 1

give a try... :)

1 species of bugs ...

2006-06-14 20:02:41 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 19:57:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 19:57:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

and chocolate cake is made of chocolate,
what is angel cake made of?

2006-06-14 19:50:44 · 16 answers · asked by � Fuzzy Dice 5

A doctor phones his patient at 4:30 in the afternoon.

"Mr. Wilkison, I'm afraid I have some bad news and some even worse news for you."

"Good heavens," says the man. "So what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "Well we've got the report back from the lab, and I'm afraid it says that you have only 24 hours to live."

"Holy s**t!" says the man,"So how can it get any worse than that!"

So the doctor says,"Well I meant to phone you first thing this morning."

2006-06-14 19:48:49 · 7 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.


The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

2006-06-14 19:46:41 · 17 answers · asked by Jasmine B 3

Farted in a Jungle and nobody Smelled it (u had air filter on).....then did u really farted ???

Think and reply....it's a Philosophical question!!!

he he he

2006-06-14 19:42:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 19:32:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already.

The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in.

2006-06-14 19:13:43 · 11 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

Karl said,

"The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them. "

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/k/karl_marx.html

Groucho said,

"Humor is reason gone mad."

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/groucho_marx.html

Which of the two speaks to you?

Now that I have your attention.

Of the two who do you think is cuter?

http://xroads.virginia.edu/~MA01/Cober/marx/groucho.gif

or

http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/photo/lifeandwork/images/75km3.jpg

2006-06-14 19:05:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

study=no fail -(1)
no study=fail -(2)
on adding equation (1) and(2) we get,
=>study+no study=no fail+fail
=>study(1+no)=fail(1+no)
since,(1+no) is common on both sides,
therefore, study= fail
hence proved!!!!

now do you agree????
if not prove study=no fail....

2006-06-14 18:54:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 18:54:47 · 13 answers · asked by ARYAN MANDY 4

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took
the wife aside and said, "Unless you do the
following things, your husband will surely die."

The doctor then went on to say, "Here's what you
need to do." "Every morning make sure you serve
him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home
each day for lunch so you can serve him a well
balanced meal. Make sure you feed him a good, hot
meal each evening and dont overburden him with
any stressful conversation, nor ask him to
perform any household chores. Also, keep the
house spotless and clean so he does'nt get
exposed to any threatening germs."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what
the doctor said. She replied, "You're going to
die".

2006-06-14 18:45:52 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

There aws a blond sitting next to a man on an
airplane. About 1 hr. into the flight the pilot
comes on and says over the intercom, "One of our
four engines is out, we will be about fifteen
minutes late arriving."

About 30 min. later the pilot comes on the
intercom again and say "There is a second
engine out, we will be about 30 min. late."

Fifteen minutes after that the pilot comes on
again and says "I'm sorry to say that there is
a third engine out, we'll be about 1 hr. late
arriving at our destination."

The blond turns to the man and says "Man if that
forth engine goes out, we'll be up here all day."

2006-06-14 18:29:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

One sister is in the hospital, another is in a homeless shelter, and the other belongs in Hell. I need something to share with my mom to cheer us up. Thanks!

2006-06-14 18:24:01 · 7 answers · asked by Too Curious 3

2006-06-14 18:22:29 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 17:58:32 · 11 answers · asked by ministerjason74 2

2006-06-14 17:57:01 · 6 answers · asked by ministerjason74 2

steal my CAT's milk...????I am hungry !!!!

Note: I am only SIX months old!!!!!!!!

2006-06-14 17:48:16 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

2006-06-14 17:46:28 · 7 answers · asked by nice_libra_guy 6

Two Indians and a Hillbilly from Tennessee, were walking in the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!", he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was the other Indian crazy or what?
"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo! into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran up to the opening of the cave stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave.
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

2006-06-14 17:35:05 · 14 answers · asked by nice_libra_guy 6

Now I am going on comedy for this one

2006-06-14 17:33:15 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers like there's a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up against his cheek and begins talking. Suspicious, the bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.
The guy replies, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular." The bartender says "Prove it." The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation.
"That's incredible!" says the bartender. "I would never have believed it!" "Yeah", said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartenderdirects him to the men's room.
The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room to check on the guy.

2006-06-14 17:28:51 · 5 answers · asked by nice_libra_guy 6

what do you get when you cross an owl with a bunjie cord?

2006-06-14 17:24:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

First you cut a round hole in the ice, Then you place small peas around the hole and wait. When a Polar bear comes around and takes a pea you shoot him in the ice hole

2006-06-14 17:23:28 · 10 answers · asked by Deana M 2

guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, 'What the heck, I really want a drink.' So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, 'What's the name of your penis?' The guy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.' The gay bartender says, 'I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.' So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, 'Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?' The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, 'TIMEX.' The guy asks, 'Why Timex?' The fella proudly replies, 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!'
A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, 'So, what do you call your penis?' The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, 'FORD, because quality is Job 1', he then ads, 'Have you driven a Ford lately?'

2006-06-14 17:23:18 · 8 answers · asked by nice_libra_guy 6

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

2006-06-14 17:16:16 · 7 answers · asked by nice_libra_guy 6