wots the most hilarious joke u have ever heard?

Answer 1

This one's pretty funny

At school a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."



Good luck.

Answer 2

Things to do in an elevator:

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, They open up again."

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space!"

27.) ask "excuse me, my butt itching, can anyone scratch it for me?" (you are holding things in your two hands)

28.) Turn against the wall and start talking to the wall.

29.) Look at your "invisivle" watch, and take your wrist and ask one of the people "Is this time right?"

30.) Start hummong really loudly like you are meditating "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

31.) start doing jumping jacks.

32.) Look at your hand and say out load "woooooow, coool" and wave your hand at the people and say "isn't it wow and cool?"

33.) Sit on the floor and close your eyes, and start snoring really loudly.

34.) Look suddenly at the floor of the elevator and start screaming at the "invisible" squirrel.

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Answer 3

:)

Dear Billy Bob,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read the paper that most accidents happen within 20mi. from home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off put them in the pockets.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in pickup. One of them survived, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, pls let me know and i will send another one.

Love, Ma

Answer 4

a guy is going right into a psychiatrist's workplace, without close on, yet his complete body wrapped in sparkling plastic. He says "do ya imagine somethin's incorrect with me record?" The psychiatrist says "properly, i visit obviously see you're nuts"

Answer 5

2 old people driving through Pennsylvania. Highway patrol stops them, knocks on the window. The old man driving rolls down the window. The cop says "I need to see your liscense". The old lady in the other seat says,"What'd he say?" The old man says,"He wants to see my liscense". The old lady says,"OK". The cop says, " Do you know why I stopped you?" The old man says no. The cop says," You were speeding." The old lady says, " What did he say?" The old man says," We were speeding." The old lady says," I TOLD YOU." The cop says," I see you are from Georgia." The old lady says," What did he say?" The old man says," We are From Georgia." The old kady says," Yeah." The cop says, " The meanest, bitchiest, crabbiest person I ever met came from Georgia." The old lady says, " What did he say?" The old man says," HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"

Answer 6

cant put on the site i could get taken off line

Answer 7

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvYJ46dV4oVd.MssBWLY5wDsy6IX?qid=1006053025780

--- LeeeN

Answer 8

what did the sea say to the sand nuffink it just walfed

Answer 9

Churchgoer: Father, that was a damn good sermon you preached today.
Fr: Well, thank you, but please refrain from using cuss words.
CG: Yep, Father, it was DAMN good.
Fr: But please don't...
Cg: I enjoyed it so much I put 10 grand in your collection plate.
Fr: NO S-H-I-T

Answer 10

ive heard so many on here and they all good