Jokes & Riddles - November 2007

a woman goes to buy a parrot, they are £100, £200 and £15, she asks why is the last one so cheap? the assistant replies " he used to live in a brothel". ok i dont mind she says and she buys it.

when she gets it home the parrot says" great a new brothel" the woman thinks this is funny,

the womans 2 daughters come in and the parrot says "great new prossies", they all laugh,

later the husband comes in and the parrot says "hya pete not seen you for weeks"

---------------------------------------------------------------

the judge says to the prostitute "so when did you realise you were raped?"
the prostitute replies " when his cheque bounced"

2007-11-12 05:32:50 · 15 answers · asked by pet smudge (uk) 4

This page contains excuses that people have used for not turning up for work.

I can't come to work today, i'm farting blood

Im Sorry I Wont Be In Work Today My House Set On Fire And Everything Got Burnt

I cant come into work today because my leg is stuck in the drain outside of my house, and the rescue team haven't arrived yet to get it out.

I cant come to work because I lost the house keys, I'm locked in.

Dave can't come to work today because, I, his other personality has taken over and I dont work.

Im Sorry I Wont Be In Work Today My House Set On Fire And Everything Got Burnt

I cant come into work today because my leg is stuck in the drain outside of my house, and the rescue team haven't arrived yet to get it out.

I cant come to work because I lost the house keys, I'm locked in.

Dave can't come to work today because, I, his other personality has taken over and I dont work.

It is against my religion to work on Mondays and Wednesdays.

2007-11-12 05:30:10 · 3 answers · asked by ツ Petar 4

a psychologist said tht heather mills ,is clearly unbalenced. when contacted later paul macartney said a couple of beer mats under her left leg usually did the trick ................

2007-11-12 05:21:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Talk about a huge breast!"

"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"How many are coming?"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Just lay back and take it easy ... I'll do the rest."

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

(Get your mind out of the gutter, and enjoy your Thanksgiving Day meal!)

2007-11-12 05:03:36 · 45 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal?s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."

He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.

He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion." Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a .308."

He was right again! This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn?t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"

His wife replied angrily, "From me!"

"What did I do?" he asked.

She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, 'Skunk, killed with an ax!'"

2007-11-12 04:20:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Teaching Manners

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your *** in the train, cause were going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat ***** in the kitchen."

2007-11-12 04:08:03 · 6 answers · asked by sky 2

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ***.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

2007-11-12 04:04:11 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I`m just wandering but I hoope you answer!!!

2007-11-12 03:55:00 · 17 answers · asked by ~ Angela ~ 2

I`m just wandering but I hoope you answer!!!

2007-11-12 03:52:58 · 32 answers · asked by ~ Angela ~ 2

The LEGAL plate on my car here in Kentucky says: IPRAY2
I pray too(also). What are some of the interesting plates you have seen. funniest one gets 10 points. Make me laugh! Nothing vulgar please. Thanks!

2007-11-12 03:42:48 · 5 answers · asked by Katz 2

A depressed young woman was so desperate, that she decided to take her own life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor saw her tears, took pity on her, and said: "Look, you have a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer he put his arm around her and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes and thought what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love all night.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, he's taking me to Europe"
"Europe madam..." said the captain "this is the Staten Island Ferry!"

2007-11-12 03:20:55 · 6 answers · asked by sky 2

9 TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS



1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup

Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk

Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ***

3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you

Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb

Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict

Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

6. The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a *****

Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster

Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but ..." Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind

Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy

Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

2007-11-12 03:16:04 · 3 answers · asked by ~brandy~ 3

9 TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS

1. Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have." Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat.

Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly.
Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?" Also Known As:She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady.

Advantages: Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans.

3. Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps." Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy.

Advantages: Predictable.
Disadvantages: Contagious.

4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain.

Advantages: Often right.
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair color?" Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey.

Advantages: Easily soothed.
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.

6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. I done it before. It's fun!" Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious.

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.

7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at!" Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly.

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship." Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.

Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable.
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

9. Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel." Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One.

Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited.
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

2007-11-12 03:14:48 · 6 answers · asked by ~brandy~ 3

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He =
immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list,
=
but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll =
tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't
=
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take
their =

place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."=20


OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to
=
the first room.


In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in,
=
and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and
surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.


"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't
=
think I could do that all day long."


The devil led him to the door of the next room.


In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All
he =
did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is
no=20
good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
=
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ.=20


The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying
=
on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in
a=20
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
=
does best.


OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man,
I =
can handle this."




The devil smiled and said . . . . . =20




(This is priceless)




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

2007-11-12 03:03:52 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

2007-11-12 03:03:48 · 16 answers · asked by . 6

Yo momma’s so fat, when she walk past the TV the whole episode was over.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she stand on the weighing scale I can see my phone number.

Yo momma’s so stupid, she climb the glass wall to see what’s on the other side.

Yo momma’s so fat, her polo shirt uses a real horse.

Yo momma’s so old, she knew the beetles when they were new kids on the block.

Yo momma’s so lame, even the wheelchair-guy’s jealous.

Yo momma’s so fat, by the time she learns how to jump, pigs will fly.

Yo momma’s so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the doctor's office, they weighed her on the Richter scale.

Yo momma’s so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and a helicopter landed on her.

Yo momma so fat, that she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.

Yo momma’s so stupid, she demanded a refund because she was given a donut with a hole in it.

Yo momma so stupid she tried drowning a fish.

Yo mommas so stupid, she stole a free sample

2007-11-12 02:55:42 · 7 answers · asked by Gratitude 2

George and Laura are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly George grabs Laura by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field.
The stunned umpire shouted, “No, Mr. President! I said, ‘Throw the first pitch!’

2007-11-12 02:53:23 · 10 answers · asked by . 6

As you know, London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in
2012.

What you may not know, is that many of the famous events which go to
make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012.

A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below.

OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the
area, in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be
contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the
stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been
particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the
events
have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one
in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be
released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden
fences, walls etc)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to
use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most
physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible
in 5 minutes.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first
target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors
will aim at a post office clerk bank teller or securicor style wages delivery
man. The traditional ..22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of
either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and
will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of
lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home.
The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and
take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away
from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the
Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding
and arson.

SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one
is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised,
please note that the Synchronised Swimming even for this year will comprise of
dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the
specific
musical support to this event will be provided by "The Verve".

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.

MEN'S 50km WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot
guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially
anyone that appears to be mincing ...

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the
Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised
rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be
extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch
invasion by a confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself
will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove
all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.

Late News:
Apparently Liverpool were set to put in a bid very similar to the
above but with the Pentathlon modified to include: Killing a spouse, digging a
hole, burying the body, laying a patio and the strangely named 'Calm Down'
contest.

To guarantee the entry of any Mancunian athletes at all, Drugs testing
has been waived this year.

2007-11-12 02:52:29 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-12 02:48:14 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.
They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

2007-11-12 02:35:54 · 14 answers · asked by . 6

star if u like plz....


1) What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?


Chocolate-chip cookie DOH! (LOL!)



2) Q: What do The Force and duct tape have in common?


A: They both have a light side and a dark side, and they both hold the universe together.


3. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general.

2007-11-11 21:56:32 · 5 answers · asked by ? 6

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them
could make love more times in one night. They agreed that
sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to
their respective motel rooms.

The more boastful of the two.....went right to it and made
love to his date... leaned over and marked a "l" on the
wall....

Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the
completion of the act ..marked another "l" on the wall -
next to the first.

Figuring he had the bet in the bag.. he decided to relax a
bit
and in relaxing....fell asleep.

Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he
quickly grabbed his lady and did it one more time and
marked another "l" on the wall...

Just at that time, His friend enters...and upon seeing the
marks on the wall exclaims: "DAMN- a hundred and eleven...
beat me by three...."

2007-11-11 21:49:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two young blokes who’d been busted for smoking dope appeared before a magistrate and he offered them a deal.
“This is your first offence,” he said, “so if you spend this weekend warning youngsters about the dangers of drugs, I’ll let you off without recording a conviction.”
The next Monday the two blokes appeared before the magistrate and the first bloke said, “Your honour, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”
The magistrate asked how he managed that and the bloke replied: “I drew one big circle and one small circle. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs and the small circle was their brain after drugs.”
The magistrate let him off scot free and asked the second bloke how he’d gone.
“Your honour, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever,” he answered.
“That’s amazing! How did you manage that?” asked the magistrate.
“I used the same approach with one big circle and one small circle,” the second bloke said. “Only I pointed to the small circle first and said, ‘This is your butt before prison…’”

2007-11-11 20:56:50 · 7 answers · asked by jake5282 2

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said.

"Well, we're not having any of that gay sh** in our garden"

2007-11-11 20:49:29 · 19 answers · asked by PC 7

A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.

The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.

She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.

He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."

She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"

2007-11-11 19:57:36 · 11 answers · asked by Frank Heyes 2

i don't get it, can someone explain?

This morning, I was in a huge hurry and on my way to work. I was
preoccupied with what my day held and I rear-ended a car at a
stop light because I was not really paying attention. I had hot coffee
in my lap and I was running late.

"Great, just great", I moaned.

The driver opened his door, leaned out of his car and stared at me. He
was a dwarf. He got out, studied the damage on his bumper and walked towards me as I rolled down my window.

He said, "I am not happy."

To which I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

2007-11-11 17:44:19 · 17 answers · asked by the saw 1

2007-11-11 16:15:55 · 11 answers · asked by InnoScentz 4

I started taking the Omega3 and Omega6 Fish oil Capsules and now I have Cats following me everywhere!!!

I wake up in the Morning and they are outside my Door and on the Hood of my Jeep!!

I went out to get on my Harley and one of them actually handed me my Helmet and Riding Glasses and I didn't even pay any attention until I put them on......

It's truly a Cat astrophy and I don't think there is any Pussability that I can endure much longer or take too many more laps with this Kittindition!!

2007-11-11 15:49:27 · 14 answers · asked by Bolles Harbor Alive-New 360 pg 3

2007-11-11 15:30:15 · 11 answers · asked by Lizzie 1

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman he spotted dining alone. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter
and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read:
"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But I will not cut off three inches for you. Send it back

2007-11-11 14:37:25 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous