Jokes & Riddles - May 2007

There was a Momma cow and three baby cows standing in a field. The first cow asks the momma cow, "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" The momma cow says, "Because right after you where born a daisy petal fell on your head." The second baby cow asks, " Mom, why did you name me Rose?". The momma cow says, "Because right after you were born a rose petal fell on your head." The third baby cow comes up to it's mother and says, "Mwahhaarrennayatawww". The mom says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

2007-05-08 12:29:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A passenger gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk.

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the man:

"What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the fellow smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," replied the blonde, "That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried manure. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't
the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"

2007-05-08 12:26:23 · 29 answers · asked by Angela G 4

It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

2007-05-08 11:47:46 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Are you a word lover? Check out these FUN PUNS

A good pun is its own reword.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the
axe.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes
from morons?

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

2007-05-08 11:03:02 · 8 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Paddy was putting on his wellington boots when Murphy noticed that he had written L on one boot and R on the other.
Paddy explained that he was not very good at telling his 'left' from his 'right' so labelled them to make it easier. Murphy answered :- "Oh, so THAT'S why my wife has C&A on her knickers."

2007-05-08 10:55:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I just was going through the site when I accidentally stumbled upon this question.Here I would like to share it with you all..
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkvCcXBx8MTP7cNTwnwIJG4AAAAA?qid=20070426080643AAY2W81
What do you think about this?
If you like it please award him a star for his question and me for sharing it with you all.Thanks..

2007-05-08 10:34:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The room has no doors or windows. There is a mirror and a table. No other openings. How do you get out? Physically or metaphorically.

2007-05-08 10:33:32 · 8 answers · asked by Serinity4u2find 6

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again
She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened
the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He
had no arms or legs. You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the
widow said.

Just look at you! You have no legs!"
The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the
doorbell, didn't I?"

2007-05-08 10:30:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Early one morning
Late at night
Two dead men
Got up to fight
Back to back
They faced each other
Drew their swords
And shot each other
The deaf policeman heard the noise
Came to rescuse the two dead boys
If you don't believe my story is true
Ask_____ _____ ______
He _____ it _______

2007-05-08 10:22:27 · 3 answers · asked by Serinity4u2find 6

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.

2007-05-08 10:00:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man was standing on an 11ft ladder and accidentally slipped and fell. but he get injured or die, he was perfectly fine, how is this possible?

2007-05-08 09:54:18 · 18 answers · asked by Tatyanna 1

=]

2007-05-08 09:52:48 · 16 answers · asked by Jordan The Great 2

2007-05-08 09:46:29 · 8 answers · asked by Someone who cares 7

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!

2007-05-08 09:44:38 · 9 answers · asked by Tatyanna 1

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

2007-05-08 09:43:04 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

there is a cowboy named bill lives in texas
one day he got bored and wanted to travel
so he left on friday (with his hores)to oklahoma and got there i 1 day.......the cowboy stayed for1 day and came on friday.how is this possible

2007-05-08 09:42:49 · 3 answers · asked by Kikilicious 2

was the chicken made first or did the egg come first so it can make the chicken?

2007-05-08 09:41:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I become angry when you try to please me
But I please you when you try to please me.
I can be your worst enemy,
Or the key to saving your life.
Of all the things we have,
Nothing can compare to me

2007-05-08 09:23:58 · 5 answers · asked by ¤Elva¤ 4

but they said no thanks we are Walkers.

2007-05-08 09:22:37 · 24 answers · asked by GARY P 2

if so well then let me know then i will tell you the riddle
now im finsta tell y'all .it is hard

2007-05-08 09:12:05 · 24 answers · asked by Kikilicious 2

Four guys were at a bar. They all start talking to each other about their sons.

One guy said, "I am so happy. My son is a big success. He works for Microsoft and makes a LOT of money. He is so succesful, he just bought his girlfriend a new car"!

The second guy said, "Same here. My son is so successful, too. He works for a car dealership and makes a LOT of money, too. He even makes so much money, he just bought his girlfriend a new house."

The third guy said, "I know what you are talking about. My son is like that too-- only he just gave his girlfriend 1 million dollars!"

The fourth guy stepped up to them, looking really sad. He said, "I can't believe it! I don't know what went wrong! My son is a failure. He's a Janitor! Listen to this. He's even GAY! The only good part about it is that his boyfriends just got him a new house, a new car, and gave him a million dollars!"

2007-05-08 08:58:59 · 26 answers · asked by ? 4

> Homer walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to

> this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on.

> The news crew was covering the story of a man on a ledge of a large

> building preparing to jump.

>

> The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

>

>

> Homer says,"You know, I bet he'll jump."

>

> The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

>

> Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

>

> Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan

> dive off the building, falling to his death.

>

>

>

> The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair's

> fair. Here's your money."

>

> Homer replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5

> o'clock news and knew he would jump."

>

> The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

>

> Homer took the money.

>

2007-05-08 08:44:06 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-08 08:35:38 · 4 answers · asked by bhanu 1

The moment it stopped singing the song, the other five lizards fell down from the wall !!!... WHY ???

scroll down for answer. .



not getting, very simple yaar













coz, they all started clapping !!!!

2007-05-08 08:23:05 · 9 answers · asked by bhanu 1

2007-05-08 07:38:37 · 6 answers · asked by RobSpi98 2

1+1 is 2
but when is 1+1 is 3

2007-05-08 07:30:57 · 10 answers · asked by The Game 1

A mailman was delivering to a house and a half dressed woman answered the door before he put the mail in the box. She asked him, "Would you like to come in for some breakfast?" He agrees and goes in for breakfast. After the meal, she asks, "Would you like to go upstairs and have sex?" He agrees and they go up stairs. after they come back down, he is just ready to leave, she gives him a dollar. He asks, "What is this for?"
She says, "Me and my husband were deciding what to get other people for christmas, and I asked what to give to the mailman? 'He said, Aw, screw him and give him a dollar.', and I threw the breakfast in for fun."

2007-05-08 07:17:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo, checking out the animals.

They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

They stand and watch him for half an hour.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch the gorilla's penis. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Two days later his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT? AM I HURT!!", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ..."

2007-05-08 07:15:31 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet. The mechanics read the sheet and correct the problems and then the pilots review the sheet before the next flight. Here are just a few from actual complaints submitted by pilots.
This is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

Pilot: Left side of tire almost needs replacement
Engineer: Almost replaced left tire

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Engineer: Evidence removed

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode
Engineer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing
Engineer: Engine found on right wing after brief search

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny
Engineer: Aircraft told to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit
Engineer: Cat installed

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with hammer
Engineer: Took hammer away from midget

HOPE YOU LIKE!! STAR IF FUNNY ;-)

2007-05-08 07:13:00 · 5 answers · asked by chloe1st 4

There goin to australia, give me ya funniest jokes to cheer me up thanks xxx

2007-05-08 04:40:33 · 2 answers · asked by Claireluvsyaxx 2