Ok feelin a little down, just found out ma closest auntie and ma Baby cuzins are movin...?

Question

There goin to australia, give me ya funniest jokes to cheer me up thanks xxx

Answer 1

There was a widow who needed help with the farm so she decided to get hired help. The only ones who responded to the 'help wanted' ad were a felon and a homosexual. With her personal safety in mind, she hired the latter.
He proved to be a good and thorough worker. There was nothing about his work that displeased her. One day, she told him to take the day off, because she worried that she worked him too hard.
After a day of leisure, he came back to the farmhouse and found the widow sitting in front of the fire with a wine glass in her hand.
"Take off my shoes and stockings." she told him. Obediently, he pulled them off.
"Take off my blouse." was her next order. Gulping, he did as he was told.
"Take off my skirt." she said. Trembling, he obeyed.
"Now, take my panties off." she said pointedly. The last item was removed.
Then she said, "The next time you wear my clothes to town you're fired!"

Answer 2

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

The brunette sighs and says, "Oh s**t, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...... for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh sure...but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "What's the matter, Don't you have a vase?"