Jokes & Riddles - May 2007

Newlyweds were in the honeymoon suite getting ready for bed.

He took off his trousers and passed them to his wife saying.."Here, put these on".
She said.."They're too big for me".
He said "Put them on anyway", so she put them on and said "Look!...far too big".
"That is the one and only time you'll wear the trousers in this family", he said sternly.
She continues to undress, takes off her little knickers and gives them to her husband. "Here, put these on", she said.
He looked at the tiny things and said, "I can't get into your knickers".
She replied, "And you won't, till you change your attitude"...!

2007-05-20 03:23:32 · 8 answers · asked by Norrie 7

Someone asked that question earlier, and I don't know what the answer is. If you know, please tell me. thanks.

2007-05-20 02:27:30 · 4 answers · asked by Vinteal 4

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

2007-05-20 00:23:04 · 28 answers · asked by :)☮♥ 3

Ohh!
I`m sorry I was typing while looking in the mirror. LoL

2007-05-19 23:29:10 · 8 answers · asked by Future 5

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

2007-05-19 23:00:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A farmers son was getting married so the farmer thought he'd better explain the facts to him.He takes him for a walk in the woods and explains everything the boy needs to know for his first night with nis new wife. Just as he finishes they come upon a tree with an appropriate hole at the appropriate height so the farmer says to the boy "You can practice on that tree there." Time passed and the night of the wedding the newlyweds were staying in the farmers house overnight before going on honeymoon, from upstair there came the sound of a woman screaming in agony so the farmer dashes upstairs to find his son with the handle of a brush ramming it repeatedly in and out. "What the hell do you think you're dooing " yells the farmer "I'm making DAMN Sure there are no fcuking bees in this one."

2007-05-19 22:57:20 · 13 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

Which one joined the army?




The one sitiing on the tank !!!!!

2007-05-19 22:46:31 · 12 answers · asked by nettiebuk 3

Johnny's parents have 4 child. Their names were April,May and June.What's the forth child's name?

2007-05-19 22:43:05 · 10 answers · asked by Mickey 2

As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just
gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex
from the rear?"

"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front
of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"

2007-05-19 22:42:29 · 10 answers · asked by ? 4

before the sad squad start with their rants an asian friend of mine txt me this so get a life weirdo s n freaks

2007-05-19 22:34:36 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-19 22:25:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

First question:
You are participating in a race, You overtake the secind person . What position are you in ?

Second question :
If you overtake the LAST person , Then you are ?

Third question :

Mary's father had 5 dausgters .
1.Nana
2.Nene
3.Nini
4.Nono .

Those you answer all the questionscorrect gets the best answer .

2007-05-19 22:05:52 · 59 answers · asked by Unique, 100% 1

Who haven't seen one another in several years meet unexpectadely at the supermarket. They decide to go out on Friday night to catch up on old times. Come Friday night, they go to a bar, have a great time, and get totally drunk. They begin walking home from the bar, when one says to the other
"I have to pee."
"So do I."
They look around and spot a cemetary. They decide to go there to do their business. When they get back to the road, the first one throws her pantyhose one the fence and leaves it. The second asks, "why'd you do that?"
"I had nothing to wipe with, so i used my pantyhose."
Her friend replies, " Same here, but i used a wreath i found."
The next day, the husbands of the women are talking. The husband of the first says, "Man, I'm worried. Last night, my wife went out with pantyhose and came back with none."
The husband of the secand snorts and says, "That's nothing. Last night after my wife came back, i found a card between her cheeks that said 'I'll never forget you.

2007-05-19 22:04:33 · 6 answers · asked by flyaway_far 2

10 points for the person who gets it right first

2007-05-19 21:55:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-19 21:46:33 · 13 answers · asked by backhand-smash 4

2007-05-19 21:31:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

hahahaha

2007-05-19 21:27:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!"

2007-05-19 21:27:22 · 25 answers · asked by ? 4

a man is riding his horse when he stops a biker bar he gets off the horse and walks in and asks for a glass of water the barman gets a gun and puts it to the mans head and then the man says thankyou and gets on his horse and rides away.
why does he do this ???

2007-05-19 21:17:42 · 3 answers · asked by laura w 2

man says to his friend "my dog is very obedient"friend says "what do you mean? man says "well when i throw him on the fire and shout GER OFF,he does!

2007-05-19 19:18:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old farmer goes to the cinema with his pet chicken on his shoulder.He gets to the kiosk and asks for two tickets. The booth attendant asks"Who's the second ticket for .?" he says "My chicken"she said that they don't allow pets in the theatre. So he goes out and round the corner and stuffs the chicken down his trousers walks back to the kiosk and buy one ticket and in he goes. After about half an hour the Chicken starts to get hot so the guy unzips his fly to let the chicken poke it's head out. The young lady sitting next to him said to her mate "This perv next to me has his fly open." her mate said "Ignore him, Once you've seen one then you've seen them all.". The first woman says "I know but this one#s eating my chips."

2007-05-19 18:52:45 · 13 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

Arnold shwartsanegger has a long one, modona doesnt have one(from what we know), the pope doesnt use his What is this?















































A last name

2007-05-19 18:24:11 · 6 answers · asked by Mariah G 2

Well...My auntie and I actually accidently made this one up ourselves:
One day,I was marinating some beef and I had a coca cola right next to where it was.Then,I accidently sprinkled pepper in my soda.Ooops...I told my aunt.She said:thats why they call it dr. pepper.

2007-05-19 18:07:43 · 15 answers · asked by Deanna 3

either free or not..

2007-05-19 16:46:49 · 2 answers · asked by tiffany p 1

I'm sure if we combine math puns with poop jokes, we can come with more than one "right" answer.

C'mon, be creative.

2007-05-19 16:33:03 · 24 answers · asked by ryanker1 4

>BLONDE INVENTIONS
1) Inflatable dart board.
2) Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3) A book on how to read.
4) Solar-powered flashlight.
5) Screen door on a submarine.

>Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.
"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.
Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was
the answer.
"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?"
"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they
left sticking out of the ground."

>One hot day, a blonde went up to a pop machine outside of a store and pulled out a handful of coins. She put the first coiin and got a pop. She put a second coin in and got another pop. She repeated this process and when she was asked what she was doing, she said "DUH WINNING!!!"

STAR?!

2007-05-19 16:27:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I KEEP SEEING QUESTIONS ABOUT IT. WHERE TO LOOK 4 IT??/

2007-05-19 15:19:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-19 14:52:56 · 7 answers · asked by Hot Coco Puff 7

Q) What do brunettes miss most about a really great party?
A) The Invitation!

Q) Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A) It matches their moustache!

2007-05-19 14:01:30 · 13 answers · asked by funnygirl 4

Why?

2007-05-19 13:56:21 · 37 answers · asked by Chєяiє♥♫ 2