Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-02 22:46:39 · 11 answers · asked by Alexell 1

2007-02-02 22:44:19 · 16 answers · asked by thickstaff05 2

2007-02-02 22:41:56 · 25 answers · asked by Deano 1

2007-02-02 22:39:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

2) Miners Refuse to Work after Death

3) I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

4) A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

5) Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

6) Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

7) Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

8) A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

9) Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

10) Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

11) If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?

12) I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

13) Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor?

14) A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

15) Stadium Air Conditioning Fails - Fans Protest

16) Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

17) I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

2007-02-02 22:39:09 · 5 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

Mad Wife Disease

A guy was sitting quietly, reading his paper when his wife walked up

behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was


that for?" he asked.





"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name


Laura Lou written on it," she replied.





"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of


one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said.


"I should have known there was a good explanation."





Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up


and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which


knocked him out cold.





When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for!?"


She replied, "Your horse called."

2007-02-02 22:35:39 · 9 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

two chairs and half a sheeps head

2007-02-02 22:31:38 · 16 answers · asked by thickstaff05 2

Alice while chasing Mr. White rabbit in the wonderland reaches the Kingdom of hearts. There she meets a foul tempered lady, the Queen of hearts. The Queen herself was in a big trouble.
Queen said, "You little girl, how dare you come into my kingdom?" Alice said, "I am really sorry, I missed my way."
Queen: "Only the sorry will not do. I will give you a task and if you fail to do it, you will be beheaded."
The task is: The Queen has a few soldiers, each with a label on his head. The Queen also has three forts, now she needs to send these soldiers to these three forts. But there is a problem. Whenever two soldiers in a fort exist such that the sum of labels of two is equal to five times the label of any soldier in the fort (which might include the two soldiers whose labels are being added), they acquire a special power Tijihba. With this special power Tijihba, they will overthrow the Queen.

2007-02-02 22:29:18 · 9 answers · asked by dont_trust_me 5

tell me what you think about what i told my husband today
i told him i needed a new bra
he said why? I didnt have anything to put in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID SO ******* WHAT...........YOU STILL WEAR UNDERWARE DONT YOU?

2007-02-02 22:28:47 · 2 answers · asked by mary_marlene65 3

1) Don't be a sexist, broads hate that


2) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


3) As I said before, I never repeat myself.


4) I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!


5) Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing


6) Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One.


7) $ex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training


8) If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.


9) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.


10) Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.


11) For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.


12) Some people have a way with words, others not have way.


13) A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.


14) Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?


15) Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?


16) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

2007-02-02 22:03:21 · 5 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

1) Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.


2) Look out for #1. Don't step in #2, either.


3) There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.


4) Defendant's Speech Ends in Long Sentence


5) Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.


6) Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.


7) Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.


8) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


9) Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!


10) Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!


11) If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?


12) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.


13) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


14) On the other hand, you have different fingers.


15) As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.


16) Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day!

2007-02-02 21:42:39 · 15 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

2007-02-02 21:41:38 · 20 answers · asked by wcalix2 1

I was pulled up in my car buy the police and they sed can you blow in to the bag and I sed im not drunk they sed I now your not I sed its my chips that are hot. was that funny?

2007-02-02 21:31:12 · 13 answers · asked by philip k 1

After having a few drinks he goes outside and sees that his horse is gone. He goes back into the bar, fires his gun in the air and says 'I am going to have me another drink and if my horse aint there when I go back outside, I'm gonna have to do what I did in Texas and I don't wanna have to do what I did in Texas'. He sits down and drinks his drink then saunters outside to see his horse tied up waiting for him. Just as he is about to leave the bartender comes out and says 'scuse me sir but what did ya have to do when you was in Texas? '
'Walk' he replied!

2007-02-02 21:20:58 · 10 answers · asked by jan the gooner 2

i was called a MOFO on this site watt does this mean and why was i called this

2007-02-02 21:17:17 · 17 answers · asked by muscles 1

'I don't know' said the barman 'what does he look like?'

2007-02-02 21:06:00 · 18 answers · asked by jan the gooner 2

how is it that only one person gets rated as the best answer? could she/he be having more than one profile to ask questions, answer and rate them her/himself? is it fair or should be reported? new member who is confused.. pl help

2007-02-02 21:05:55 · 2 answers · asked by stranger4u 2

I accept any jokes from kids to adult I don't really mind and I will email the person with the best joke.

2007-02-02 20:58:20 · 6 answers · asked by (-JO$HY-) 1

watt do the sclottish do when its really cold? they sit around a candle. watt do they do when its really really cold? they light it!!!!

2007-02-02 20:47:48 · 14 answers · asked by muscles 1

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the

teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to

heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."

The teacher praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand. The

little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is

all about love."

"Very good," said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up

"Oh no", she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part

of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet."

The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and

my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"

2007-02-02 20:46:16 · 4 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

2007-02-02 20:40:16 · 10 answers · asked by David A 1

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on the front porch,

reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy

appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF ***

Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind

being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF ***

She turns into a beautiful young woman. "Your third wish?" asked the

fairy. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in

front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could

possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her

knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear.

"Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

2007-02-02 20:32:03 · 12 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

I asked a question,In reality.You guts are just joking around,I'm serius. I asked about the lite bulb, and nobody gave me th answer I was looking for.I should get a few points on that one. One answer good but not what I was looking for.(Because it does)! Thats okay. Answer this one? Why does snow fall and rain pours? Don't want nswers from smart people, Want them from normal Yahoo people. Smart people read their answers and maybe you might learn something from the the people who smart,intelligent,bright,but don't care!! But don't ignore them because they have the want learn!!! Iwrite these for young people, But more so the smart (ASSES) that they know,But Question is? What do they know. What they were taught, or what the the want to teach? Is any body out there capable of teaching our people the truth?? I Don't Know, I leave that answer to you to think about.Question.What is a cow with no feet ? Ground beef.I help you on that. Don't you people have logic?

2007-02-02 20:31:45 · 3 answers · asked by thegreaseman 1

i wish you were here...

in my room...

on my bed...

the lights are off....

we go under the blanket....

and i show you my new watch that glows in the dark!!!!

what were you thinking?!you perv!!!



LOL HAHAH!i liked it.did u ?

2007-02-02 20:31:44 · 6 answers · asked by ◊junior c/o '11◊ 2

There is two feet of snow and I am stuck outside in a blizzard. It is cold. I have no rum nor hot chocolate. I do not have any chocolate which really makes the situation serious. Will you come to Michigan and tow my chair? If so, how much will you charge? Not really stuck but just in case, will you give me a tow, not a toe?

2007-02-02 20:28:29 · 6 answers · asked by grannywinkie 6

The word centipede was derived from two Latin words 'cent' = '100' and 'pede' = 'foot'. How many feet does a centipede have?

2007-02-02 20:26:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-02 20:26:03 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She

asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it

would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last

minute. She dashed out and could only find a short

pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the

suitcase.

After the wedding, the bride and groom entered their

hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious,

so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom

and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.

While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened her

suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown

in there.

"Oh no! It's short, pink, and wrinkled!" She exclaimed.

Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"

2007-02-02 20:23:52 · 10 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: Why did the blonde have square ****?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

2007-02-02 19:53:17 · 3 answers · asked by Cj : ) 2

I searched saw 4 on yahoo and i went to this website i don't remember the name of it but there i saw a saw 4 poster. it shows a skull head on it so i believe jigsaw will return on this one,i also believe that they will give him a new brain or something.

2007-02-02 19:45:47 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous