Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

So they go inside and take the money from the safe. Then the black looks out the window and sees the police. So they all walk outside hiding in potato sacks. the cops reach the black haired girl and she says "meow". The cops say "awww a bag of kittens" They move to brunette in her bag and she says "bark bark" The cops say "aww a bag of puppies" then they move to the blonde and she says "potato"

2007-02-03 04:33:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!"

Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."

The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him,ask him!"

The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"

Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.

Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"

The Pope replies,"Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska." The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"

The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"

To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"

The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"

To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"

The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey f$$££d a penguin, Dopey f££$$d a penguin!"

2007-02-03 04:30:48 · 40 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-02-03 04:26:00 · 27 answers · asked by Abhineet 2

Its were u are a stickman and different color lines are comming down and u have to use the left arrow and right arrow keys to dodge the lines. and there are also power ups that give u umbrellas and stuff. plz tell me were i can play it at...

2007-02-03 04:25:37 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

This question has plagued me since childhood. it was the last thing my dad asked me before he left.

2007-02-03 04:17:17 · 38 answers · asked by Jamin 2

2007-02-03 04:15:56 · 5 answers · asked by "B" 2

Decapitate me and all becomes equal. Then truncate me and I become second. Cut me front and back and I become two less than I started.

What am I?

2007-02-03 04:14:56 · 3 answers · asked by johnrice760 1

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f*cking beautiful!'"

2007-02-03 04:08:55 · 1 answers · asked by thatgirl127 3

2007-02-03 04:05:27 · 10 answers · asked by ArchAngel Raziel 3

The Pickled P.e.n.i.s
There was this lady and she really wanted to have s.e.x, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a p.e.n.i.s in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle p.e.n.i.s my v.i.g.i.n.a' and it will start having s.e.x with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled p.e.n.i.s"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE P.E.N.I.S MY A.S.S"

2007-02-03 04:05:07 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

As promised.


Why do men f@rt more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair?
Because if you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.


How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the s--- out of you.

Why did God give women n$pples?
To make s£ckers out of men.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

What s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Lipstick.

How can you tell a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.


What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.

How does a woman know that she is overweight?
She's lying at the beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the sea.

How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner??
Why the h$ll should we fix it, we don't use the d@mn thing!



How do you make your wife scream for an hour after s$$?
Wipe your d££k on the curtains.



How are girls like rocks?
The flat ones are better to skip



Oooh I hang my head in shame!

2007-02-03 03:51:39 · 47 answers · asked by Tink 5

"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

2007-02-03 03:51:15 · 13 answers · asked by thatgirl127 3

2007-02-03 03:49:29 · 13 answers · asked by Tom Z 1

An old couple were celebrating its 50th wedding anniversary, for that reason they decided to return to the small town where they met.

When they got there, got into a café and Seated next to them was the local policeman smiling looking at the couple speaking.
-Do you remember the first time we made the love? , It was on that meadow across the road, remember when I hold you against the grate.
Why we don’t we do it again for old times?

They left the coffee shop and crossed the road to the meadow. The policeman smiled, thinking of how romantic they were, and that it would be a good idea to watch-out for them, just in case they needed any help.

The old man grabbed as soon as they got naked and pushed her against the grate. The policeman, that continued watching, could not believe what he was watching. With the vitality of a youngster, the woman moved violently up and down, while the husband moved like a savage as if he was having a convulsion. They continued like that for a good while until both fell to the ground, totally exhausted.

Later the policeman approached the couple and told them:
-It has been the beautiful form of love making that I have ever seen in my life... You must had been a very wild couple when you were youngsters

-Not really - the old man said - When we were youngsters, that bloody grate wasn’t electric.

2007-02-03 03:45:46 · 20 answers · asked by lokito 2

is there anything i can send him about guyz that will get back at him!?! plzz help me out...it has to be true but funny!! thanx for all tha help !!!


this is wat he sent me.......

Why are women like computers..?????.......1... coz theyr useless untill u turn them on..2 they have lots off data but still are clueless....3 as soon as u pick 1 ders a better model in da market...

2007-02-03 03:44:38 · 13 answers · asked by Desilicious 1

2007-02-03 03:33:27 · 10 answers · asked by Sel_00 1

I felt like it. And I wanted to ask a question. Why not? I know it loses you points but who cares?

2007-02-03 03:27:24 · 18 answers · asked by Sorceress of the North 2

2007-02-03 03:24:31 · 7 answers · asked by lil_show01 1

2007-02-03 03:20:46 · 12 answers · asked by Ed D 2

...the feeling that you have never been here before?

2007-02-03 03:12:55 · 8 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

2007-02-03 03:04:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I`ll do the girl ones in a while!!


How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". Why can't women park cars? Because men tell them this |<------------------>| is six inches. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds Mature. What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. What did God say after creating man? I can do better.

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in

2007-02-03 02:51:15 · 50 answers · asked by Tink 5

Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden, when Eve decides it is time to clean herself she jumps in the river to bathe when all at once Adam hears God exclaim "ahh man now we will never get the smell out of those fish"

2007-02-03 02:50:15 · 9 answers · asked by tmbr1wulf 3

Scientific Research has shown the women like different types of men during there cycle

During ovulation they prefer the rugged Masculine features

During menstration they prefer a man soaked in petrol set on fire with sissors in his eye and a cricket stumb shoved up his backside

2007-02-03 02:40:18 · 10 answers · asked by nevergrowup 3

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

2007-02-03 02:37:44 · 10 answers · asked by tmbr1wulf 3

How does that yahoo category selector work? One of the catergories they offered was singles and dating.

2007-02-03 02:35:52 · 8 answers · asked by Calvin James Hammer 6

2007-02-03 02:30:57 · 9 answers · asked by !Triple_H_Fan! 1

ee by gum
does your belly touch your bum.............................
............

2007-02-03 02:27:25 · 5 answers · asked by cassjag 3

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 5 to 6 months, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

“You're going to die!" she replied.

2007-02-03 02:26:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

i dont like techno songs..others are fine.. english,chinese or korean songs are fine too..can tell me any please?

2007-02-03 02:22:46 · 1 answers · asked by RTJW 1