Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

what does this mean: esaelp dne ym gnireffus dna llik em

2007-02-03 08:54:38 · 14 answers · asked by Chaaarlie! 2

ive been on this compertition on sony erickson site and they doing this thing where u have to work stuff out and im on the 3rd question and its a clip of a song and i dont know what the it is plzzzzzzzzz help PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ plzzzz answer thanks Anz

2007-02-03 08:52:50 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

DUE TO LACK OF HUMOUR FROM SOME PEOPLE THERE IS NO OFFENCE INTENDED TOWARDS ANY NUNS, CABBYS OR CATHOLICS BEFORE YOU READ THIS.

A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a b***j*b from a nun."

The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."

"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.

"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"

"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."

2007-02-03 08:36:21 · 19 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

2007-02-03 08:34:19 · 8 answers · asked by oobedoo 1

I make bacteria and viruses go away.
You must guess my name today.
I'm born with the rain and also with the sun.
When I decay, I'm found inside everyone.

What am I?

2007-02-03 08:26:14 · 16 answers · asked by corylingard 2

This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."

The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"

2007-02-03 08:21:20 · 17 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

if the blue house is on the right side of the street and the red house is on the left wheres the white house at?

2007-02-03 08:19:25 · 7 answers · asked by Honey 1

Two lawyers are walking down the sidewalk when a beautiful young lady passes by. One attorney says "I would really like to screw that", to which the other attorney replies "Ought of what?"

2007-02-03 08:16:27 · 8 answers · asked by I see dumb people 5

Inspector Kane gazed at the body that lay on the floor of the expensive condo. The cause of death was simple...a stab wound to the heart! The other officers noted that the murder weapon was missing so the murderer took it with him.

Holding the dead man's jacket, inspector Kane turned his head to the window where he looked outside. "The weapon was not removed from the scene! It is still here but it has dissapeared."

What in god's name is he talking about? How is it possible to still be here and not be visible?

I made this one up. Who will solve it?

2007-02-03 08:03:01 · 16 answers · asked by corylingard 2

An Alabama farmer was in pickup truck driving across a bridge when he noticed a man on the rail of the bridge,ready to jump to his death in the river below.The man stopped his truck,ran to the man and said,"Hey fellow,why are you doing this?"
The man replied,"Well,I have nothing to live for."
The farmer replied,"Well,think of your wife and children!"
The jumper replied," I have no wife or children."
The farmer then said,"Well think of your mother and father!"
The jumper replied "Mom & Dad passed on many years ago"
Then the Alabama man said "Well,Think of General Robert E. Lee!!!!!"
The man said,"Who??"
With that,the farmer said," Jump,you stupid Yankee,Jump!!!!"

2007-02-03 07:52:30 · 6 answers · asked by tmbr1wulf 3

Subject: Hell ...
> >
George W Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do", says the
Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay. So I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves".

George thought that sounded pretty fair and nodded his agreement. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water.He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over again. Such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long".

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer time, after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder, I'd be in constant agony if all I did was break rocks all day!"

The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked out in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Whoaa momma!, I reckon I can handle this."

> > > > The Devil smiled and said........."Monica, you're free to go!"

2007-02-03 07:50:37 · 22 answers · asked by MynameisShirl 5

the sausage said....my, that frying pan was hot wasn't it, the mushroom said, yes, and i wonder what the future holds. the egg said, i think we are going to get eaten, the sausage replied, ###k me a talking egg..,.,.

2007-02-03 07:29:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-03 07:24:36 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two old men are comparing their sex lives:...

Man 1: I can still do it twice!

Man 2: Which time do you enjoy the most?

Man 1: I think the winter.

2007-02-03 07:20:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a tail, and I have a head, but I have no body. I am not a snake. What am I?

2007-02-03 07:16:42 · 28 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

The six year old boy sees a field of cows and says 'Look Dad! moo-moos!' The Dad says 'No son, they are cows'.
A mile down the road the boy sees a field of horses, 'Look Dad! neigh-neighs!' The Dad says 'No son, they are horses.'
Another mile down the road the boy sees a field of sheep, 'Look Dad! baa-baas!' The Dad says 'No son, they are sheep.'
The boy gets to school, and when his Dad picks him up he says 'What did you learn about in school today son?' To which the son replys 'Winnie The Shxt'

I love it, hope you do aswell =]

2007-02-03 07:12:59 · 15 answers · asked by Nic 3

2007-02-03 07:09:43 · 5 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

1. What is height of Fashion?

A. Dhoti with a zip .


**************

2. What is height of Secrecy?

A. Offering blank visiting cards.


**************



3. What is height of Active laziness?

A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.


**************

4. What is height of Craziness?

A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.


**************

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?

A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.


**************

6. What is height of Stupidity?

A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

**************

7. What is height of Honesty?

A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.


**************

8. What is height of Suicide?

A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.


**************

9. What is height of De-hydration?

A. A cow giving milk powder.

2007-02-03 07:03:38 · 3 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

2007-02-03 07:00:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man in a nightclub gets a woman up to dance, he gets up close looks down at his highly polished shoes and sees the reflection of the womans panties, winks and says, "you've got the pink ones on tonight gorgeous" she blushes and runs from the dance floor, he dances with another lady, looks down at his shoes, winks and says "you've got the black frilly ones on tonight darlin' she also blushes & runs off. The girls are chatting in the washroom, their friend says "i'll fool him" she takes off her panties puts them in her purse and gets him up to dance. The man again moves in close looks down at the reflection and sighs "oh no £100 for a pair of shoes and they've got a crack in them already"....

2007-02-03 07:00:47 · 17 answers · asked by Rod Stewart 5

A barrel of rainwater
weighs twenty pounds.
What must you add
to make it weigh fifteen?

2007-02-03 06:59:45 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-03 06:59:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-03 06:56:06 · 9 answers · asked by Polaco B 1

2007-02-03 06:50:54 · 7 answers · asked by The Show Must Go On 3

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday?

2007-02-03 06:45:23 · 32 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

A tree that cannot lie about its age oldest plant in the desert . no growth rings, and given that the tree varies with soil and climate. Some trees that are 5 feet tall but are actually 150 years old. the plant can live to be 800 years old. Note the name the tree?

Note the name of the tree? = Can you name the tree?

2007-02-03 06:45:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

When they are caught, they are thrown away. When they escape, you itch all day. What are they?

2007-02-03 06:41:42 · 7 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

If you were going down the four-lanes in a canoe and your front tire fell off, how many pancakes would it take to cover a doghouse?

2007-02-03 06:40:52 · 11 answers · asked by Vanimal 1

2007-02-03 06:38:44 · 3 answers · asked by Polaco B 1

A man goes into a travel agents, says he wants to go on a cruise, but he has only £100, agent takes his money & tells him to go through the back door, where he gets hit over the head.. He wakes up in a rowing boat with two other men somewhere in the Atlantic ocean, rubbing the large bump on his head he explains to them what happened, one of them says he had been ripped off exactly the same way and says never mind someone will come and pick us up soon, the Irishman sitting opposite says "well they didn't last year"......

2007-02-03 06:38:35 · 10 answers · asked by Rod Stewart 5