Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

please.
it dont even have to make since.

2007-02-02 16:29:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

On a Sunday morning she asks her Mother her weight. Her Mother responds "Darling that's rude to ask a woman her weight." At lunch she asks her Mother her height and her Mother responds "Darling that's rude to ask a woman her height." She goes outside to play with a friend and tells her the dillemma she's faced with. "My Mommy won't tell me anything about herself!"

Her friend give's her a suggestion. She says "Go into her purse and you'll find her report card with a picture of hrr on it and it tells you all about her.

At dinner the girl says "Mommy I know your age, you're 42"!
"How did you know that?" asks the Mother.

The girl then sais "I also know you weight is 180lbs."
"How did you know that?" asks the Mother.

Then the girl sais "AND NOW I KNOW WHY DADDY DIVORCED YOU!"

The Mother was Horrified! "What are you talking about she asks her daughter?"
The little Girl Replies "You got an (F) in SEX!"

LOL!

'-)

2007-02-02 16:28:39 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

theres an outbound train going 60mph theres also an inbound train going 120mph when will the trains meet

2007-02-02 16:25:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

theres a man in the middle of a field nothing is around for 10 miles except a package nexxt to him how did this man die(nothing killed him)

ill post awnser later

2007-02-02 16:21:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three pregnant women are sitting on a park bench knitting, one is a redhead, one is a brunette and the other is a blonde.

All of a sudden the brunette says, "I had sex in the missionary position so I'm having a boy."

The redhead then says, "I had sex in the cowgirl position so I'm having a girl."

The blonde thinks for a minute then says, "I'm having puppies!"

HAHAHAHA, do you know what she means? I do...

2007-02-02 16:21:15 · 14 answers · asked by darkskinnedxbeauty 3

guess what my nationality is and my name

2007-02-02 16:12:02 · 14 answers · asked by lil miss mystery 2

A Florida couple, Moe and Floe both well up in their 80s go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "what can I do for you?"

Moe says, "will you watch us make love?"

The doctor raises both eye brows, but he is so amazed that such an eldery couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finished the doctor said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you make love, he thanked them for
coming, wished them good luck, charged them $50 and says goodby.

The next week the couple returned and asked the doctor to watch again. The doctor is a bit puzzled but agrees. This happened
several weeks in a row.

They make an appointment, make love, pay the docter $50 and leave. Finally after 6 or 8 weeks of this routine the doctor
says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask, just what are you trying to find out?"

2007-02-02 16:09:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

This hand-painted sign was seen on the back of an Amish carriage in Pennsylvania: "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

2007-02-02 16:03:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bert took his dog to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

Bert replied, "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

2007-02-02 16:02:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess Who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

2007-02-02 16:01:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a mop but don't know how to use it. Help Please

2007-02-02 15:57:27 · 24 answers · asked by christina 2

They must not only be loose fit, but relaxed fit, etc..
I will add the real answer later. Meanwhile, opinion away.

2007-02-02 15:51:57 · 1 answers · asked by dogpye5 3

Many things can create one, it can be of any size, it is created for various reasons, and it can shrink or grow with time. What is it?

2007-02-02 15:36:05 · 13 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

2007-02-02 15:30:51 · 25 answers · asked by daisy 1

Find the error. It's impossible!?
Find the error. It's impossible!

AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ

2007-02-02 15:12:52 · 22 answers · asked by chicubs_gurl 1

I want to laugh. Whats the best joke/riddle you know?

2007-02-02 15:11:39 · 9 answers · asked by shizzy 2

What is greater than God, More evil than the
devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?

2007-02-02 15:07:32 · 11 answers · asked by H T 2

2007-02-02 15:07:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-02 15:07:00 · 5 answers · asked by GoLdFiNgEr 3

This guy works at a pickle factory and his friends bet him $50 to stick his package in the pickle slicer. He did it and collected his money. He went home and told his wife "The guys bet me $50 to stick my p***s in the pickle slicer and I did." His wife looked horrified and said "Let me see it and make sure it's okay!" He showed her and she didn't see anything wrong. She then asked "How's the pickle slicer?" He replied "Oh, she's fine too." I thought this joke was soooo funny, there's more like it on ComedyCentral.Com. Check it out. Some are dirty and some are funny... Sorry, if it offended you but even you squares had to get a chuckle!

2007-02-02 15:05:10 · 16 answers · asked by SHELTIELUVER 3

2007-02-02 15:03:40 · 27 answers · asked by bobeto_06 1

I am a rock group that has four members, all of whom are dead, one which was assassinated. What am I?

2007-02-02 14:56:09 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is so fragile that when you say its name you break it?

2007-02-02 14:54:17 · 28 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

What is so fragile that when you say its name you break it?

2007-02-02 14:54:10 · 9 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

The farmer's three daughters who all had dates on the same night?

The first young man came to the door and when the farmer answered it he said "Hi, my name is Eddy, I'm here for Betty and I'm taking her out for spagetti."

The second young man came to the door and when the farmer answered it he said "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo and we're going to the show."

The third young man came to the door and when the farmer answered it he said "Hi, my name is Chuck..."

The farmer said "get the hell outa here."

2007-02-02 14:51:52 · 11 answers · asked by Give life. Be an organ donor! 4

Forward I am heavy, backwards I am not. What am I?

2007-02-02 14:49:13 · 11 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

He's soooooooooo fucki# hillarious

2007-02-02 14:27:19 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

I. The beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space,
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place.
-The Guess Book (c. 1820)
II. There is one that has a head without an eye,
And there’s one that has an eye without a head.
You may find the answer if you try;
And when all is said,
Half the answer hangs upon a thread.
-Christina Rossetti
III. We are little airy Creatures,
All of diff’rent Voice and Features,
One of us in Glass is set,
One of us you’ll find in Jet,
T’other you may see in Tin,
And the fourth a Box within,
If the fifth you should pursue
It can never fly from you.
-Jonathan Swift
IV. At the back of every Igloo,
And the middle of the Moon,
Always running around in Loops you’ll find me,
If you look inside the Room.
What am I?
V. Voiceless it cries,
Wingless flutters,
Toothless bites,
Mouthless mutters.
-J.R.R. Tolkien
VI. Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail, never clinking.
-J.R.R. Tol

2007-02-02 14:10:20 · 11 answers · asked by Grammar B*@%h 4

2007-02-02 14:02:18 · 16 answers · asked by Grammar B*@%h 4

there is this girl who always falls asleep in class and the boy that sits behind her likes her. one day in class the teacher says,"who is our creator"? and the boy pokes the girl in the back with a pencil, so she gets up and yells, "god almighty!" then the teacher asks, "who is our savour?" the boy pokes her again and she yells, "jesus christ!", then the teacher asks," what did eve say to adam after they had their 26th baby?", the boy pokes her again and she yells, "stick that in me one more time i'll break it in half!"

2007-02-02 14:00:02 · 6 answers · asked by connor n 2