Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

A little Olive Oil!!!

2007-02-02 08:19:18 · 2 answers · asked by John in AZ 4

2007-02-02 08:19:09 · 9 answers · asked by STORMY K 3

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbour.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbour.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

2007-02-02 08:17:51 · 7 answers · asked by Jay A 3

He asks an attendant, how old is that Dinosaur over there please? The attendant says "that Dinosaur sir is 3 million years old and 3 and a half months" The American says "Jeez, How can you tell so accurately"? Irish attendant says" well sir it was 3 million years old when i came here and i've been here three and a half months"

2007-02-02 08:05:47 · 10 answers · asked by Rod Stewart 5

A man take a job painting the out side of a country church, he is working hard and gets three sides of the building finished, He notices that his paint is really running low and decides to thin it out with water from a nearby river. He finishes the last wall just as a rain storm comes through washing away all the pait on the fourth wall. He hears a voice from above tell he "REPAINT, REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE"

2007-02-02 08:04:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-02 08:03:42 · 13 answers · asked by ~ PrInCeSs cHiNcHu ~ 1

think about it..peanut oil....peanuts....is big industry hiding a terrible secret...i need answers?????

2007-02-02 08:02:24 · 18 answers · asked by mowmowball 1

2007-02-02 08:00:10 · 15 answers · asked by cláudio b 2

Some people fear me, some people enjoy me. If you want to live you must have me. Im very light but ive taken many lives. I dont have color but my reflection gives me color. I can be found enywhere. i may be a source of killings but i never cause you pain.

2007-02-02 07:58:54 · 11 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

anyone else felt like a right t*t when they discovered they were singing wrong words? what were yours?

2007-02-02 07:56:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What pitcher hurled his first game in 19 months in 1999, inspiring the headline, “Few Knocks on Wood”?

2007-02-02 07:51:07 · 9 answers · asked by iggetwalker 1

the old lady that wanted to commit suicide? She went the doctor and asked where her heart was. He said it's just below your left breast. She went home and shot herself in the knee!!!!

2007-02-02 07:49:03 · 12 answers · asked by Give life. Be an organ donor! 4

Can you guess what this is? It is an everyday object.


Fists are my gods
and with great skill they guide me.
Across the smooth dance floor i glide
following the lead of a god.
Sliding, swooping, and swinging
my long, thin being
is what i do the whole day long.
When i dance i release ribbons
across my beautiful stage.
Through dance - release, a god and I
can do a variety of tasks.
We can deliever a message of joy or sorrow
We can give or take money away.
We can create wonderful works of art
There are many amazings things we can do,
it all depends on the stage.
What am I?

2007-02-02 07:47:19 · 15 answers · asked by speak 1

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy
said, Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign
it is."

2007-02-02 07:38:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A mother is driving her 7 year-old daughter to her friend's
house for a play date when the little girl asks "Mommy," how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replies sweetly. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now
really," the mother says, a bit less sweetly. "Those are personal
questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get
a divorce?" "That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
mom says as her daughter is getting out of the car.
The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends begin
to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I
know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How
did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is
past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that
out?"
And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got
a divorce." Now mom's getting mad. She says, "Oh really?
And just why is that, young lady?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

2007-02-02 07:38:16 · 14 answers · asked by sprinting_turtle 5

first to get it gets 10 points kk

2007-02-02 07:36:28 · 8 answers · asked by Lacadema (Role-player) 4

2007-02-02 07:31:51 · 5 answers · asked by jane d 1

There a book that's open and both page numbers add up t0 930. What are the page numbers??

2007-02-02 07:28:54 · 8 answers · asked by Obi-wan Kenobi 4

i get it a lot in myspace !=-)

2007-02-02 07:27:49 · 19 answers · asked by Gaby S 1

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said, "Analogue?"
I said, "No, just a watch."

2007-02-02 07:26:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sunday morning in Bedford Stuyvesant, New York. The church is pack and the devil decides to pay a visit.

The doors burst open; a black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two people. One is the Pastor, the other is a West Indian.

Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me.
But YOU (points to the West Indian), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"

The West Indian crosses one leg over the other and replies, "See one, see de other! I been married to you brother for 36 years!"

2007-02-02 07:25:46 · 8 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

then all of a sudden everyone hits the deck and starts screaming, then the old lady behind the counter starts throwing wads of money at me saying "take it, take it and leave".....not a bad day i only went in for a first class stamp.

2007-02-02 07:25:12 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

then all of a sudden everyone hits the deck and starts screaming, then the old lady behind the counter starts throwing wads of money at me saying "take it, take it and leave".....not a bad day i only went in for a first class stamp.

2007-02-02 07:24:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

there very crunshie and chilly and in a packet and i hav to drink some water after every bite

thats your info ill put more some other time kk

2007-02-02 07:24:37 · 7 answers · asked by Lacadema (Role-player) 4

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The
Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about
Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow".

2007-02-02 07:22:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary-Lou written on it!” she screamed, furious. “You’d better have an explanation!” “Calm down honey”, the man replied. “Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on.” The next morning his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. “What was that for?” he complained. She replied: “Your dog phoned last night.”

2007-02-02 07:21:14 · 14 answers · asked by richard_beckham2001 7

I bought a train ticket and the driver said, "Eurostar."
I said, "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

2007-02-02 07:21:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

2007-02-02 07:10:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man is sitting on his front porch when he sees a young man walking down the street. The following converstation takes place:

Old Man: Where you going with that chicken wire?
Young Man: Going down to get me some chickens.
Old Man: You aint gonna get no chickens with that.
Young Man: We'll see about that.
About five minutes later the young man comes walking back by with 3 chickens attached to the chicken wire.

Fast forward to the next day.
Old Man: Where you going with that Duct Tape?
Young Man: Im going down to get me some ducks.
Old Man: You aint gonna get no ducks with that duct tape.
Young Man: We'll see about that.
About Ten minutes later the young man comes with two ducks attached to the duct tape.

Next Day:
Young man comes walking by with a branch from a "pussy willow" tree.
Old Man: Hold on let me get my hat!

2007-02-02 07:10:21 · 1 answers · asked by John P 6

There once was a little rabbit who was hopping thru the forest and got lost.
He came across a squirrel.
rabbit: Mr Squirrel? can you help me find my way out of the forest?
Squirrel: Sure, gimme a little and I will tell ya.

So they went behind the bushes and did their thing and the rabbit was off again. He instantly became lost again. This time he happened upon a bear.
rabbit: Mr. Bear, can you help me find my way out of this forest.?
bear: Sure, gimme a little and I will tell ya.
So, they went behind the bushes and did their thing and the rabbit was off again. He soon became lost again. He wandered up on a skunk.
rabbit: Mr Skunk, can you help me find my way out of the forest?
skunk: sure, gimme a little and I will tell ya.

Do you know what the moral to this story is?

Gimme a little and I will tell ya!

2007-02-02 07:09:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous