Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

eg: 7 d in a w = 7 days in a week, any ideas on what 6 mw in c could be?

2007-01-29 07:13:50 · 7 answers · asked by eez_62 2

2007-01-29 07:03:50 · 8 answers · asked by mo_blade 2

Man walks into a pub with a crocodile
Barman said you can’t bring that in here it’s dangerous
Man said its tame ill prove it to you
Takes his stick taps the crock on the head
Crock lifts its head opens its mouth
Man puts his p*nis in the open mouth
Taps the crock on the head the crock closes its mouth
Man then starts beating the crock with the stick for 30 seconds
Turns to the barman and says there I told you he was tame
Barman said im not convinced
So man said ok is there anybody else in here that wants to do it to prove it
Little old woman in the corner said yes ill try it
As long as you promise not to hit me with that stick

2007-01-29 06:47:21 · 18 answers · asked by compo 2

Something I had to share with you - by following the simple advice I heard on GMTV, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Hilary proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, half a crate of Guinness, a bottle of Chardonay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kehuha, a packet of Penguin biscuits, the remainder of a bot of Prozac and Valium , the rest of the Cheesecake, some digestive bikkys and last nights pizza.

dr hilary was right you have no idea how good i feel

2007-01-29 06:37:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-29 06:36:46 · 11 answers · asked by Robb the B.D.C. 5

2007-01-29 06:35:11 · 6 answers · asked by WHAT 5

2007-01-29 06:35:10 · 12 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

2007-01-29 06:30:22 · 8 answers · asked by Troy B 2

If you can you get 10 points.

What is so fragile,that when oyu say its name,you break it.

First person gets 10 points.

2007-01-29 06:22:03 · 8 answers · asked by Dat_Gangsta_Chic 2

Note from Husband


My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your
54-year-old body can no longer
supply. However, I am very happy with you

and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope
that you will not wrongly
interpret the fact I will be spending the

evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don?t be
perturbed, I shall be
back home before midnight. When the man came home, he found the following letter
on the dining room
table:

My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this
opportunity to remind
you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time, I would like to inform you
that while you are
reading this, I

will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who, like your
secretary, also is 18. As a
successful businessman, and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will
understand that we are in
the same

situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times
than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be back until lunchtime tomorrow.

2007-01-29 06:21:04 · 12 answers · asked by a.gatenby 3

2007-01-29 06:16:07 · 5 answers · asked by poppy s 1

Mark: What's a matterbaby?
Christy: Nothing. I didn't know you cared.

2007-01-29 06:13:12 · 15 answers · asked by Pancake 7

"Who's there?"
"Honeydew and cantaloupe"
"Honeydew and cantaloupe who?"
"Honeydew you love me?"
"We cantaloupe now."

2007-01-29 06:11:07 · 15 answers · asked by Pancake 7

2007-01-29 06:06:48 · 16 answers · asked by Pancake 7

Marlene: No, C.P.N. Constant Pain in the Neck.

2007-01-29 06:04:52 · 15 answers · asked by Pancake 7

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a
beautiful
office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man
come
into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman
picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he
hung up
and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

2007-01-29 06:02:06 · 56 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-29 06:01:01 · 13 answers · asked by desisexciness 1

So many jokes out there, what is actually funny? Adult, corny, random... tell me somethin!

2007-01-29 05:54:30 · 4 answers · asked by cwazyjoe 1

There was once an evil baron who wanted to marry off his daughter asap so that he could get rid of her.

There were 2 particular guys he had in mind, neither of which the daughter was terribly fond of. They were called Dave the Depressed and Eric the Evil.

The baron gave her an ultimatum.

She was to make a single solitary statement. If what she said was true then she had to marry Dave the Depressed. If her statement was false then she would be forced to marry Eric the Evil.

What did she say that allowed her to remain single?

2007-01-29 05:54:24 · 6 answers · asked by kangaroo 4

2007-01-29 05:46:53 · 9 answers · asked by joie_du_cor 3

MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR. EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY, "ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT HELICOPTER." ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED, " I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."
A FEW YEARS LATER, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR. MORRIS SAID,ESTHER, I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THAT HELICOPTER NOW, I MIGHT NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE." ESTHER REPLIED, "MORRIS, THAT HELICOPTER IS 50 DOLLARS AND $50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS." THE PILOT OVERHEARD THE COUPLE. HE SAID, "FOLKS, I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. I'LL TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR A RIDE. IF YOU CAN STAY QUIET FOR THE ENTIRE RIDE AND NOT SAY A WORD, I WON'T CHARGE YOU! BUT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD, IT'S 50 DOLLARS." MORRIS AND ESTHER AGREED --- AND UP THEY WENT.THE PILOT DID ALL KINDS OF FANCY MANEUVERS. BUT NOT A WORD WAS HEARD. HE DID HIS DAREDEVIL TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BUT STILL NOT A WORD. WHEN THEY LANDED, THE PILOT TURNED TO MORRIS. HE SAID "BY GOLLY, I DID EVERY

2007-01-29 05:32:15 · 10 answers · asked by needanswers 3

what animal has four legs when its born, two legs in the middle of its life and three before it dies!???

2007-01-29 05:24:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

M: I know how to please a woman.
W: Then please leave me alone.

M: I want to give myself to you.
W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

M: Your hair color is fabulous.
W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

M: You look like a dream.
W: Go back to sleep.

M: I can tell that you want me.
W: Yes, I want you to leave.

M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

M: Your body is like a temple.
W: Sorry, there are no services today.

M: Is this seat empty?
W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

2007-01-29 04:56:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you say the most funniest random thing.
and it will make me LOL.
you can guarantee a best answer

2007-01-29 04:54:55 · 6 answers · asked by globalpinaygirl 2

would like an update on his dissapearance out of television,last i heard he was a sheriff,deputy or something like that-maybe just rumor.

2007-01-29 04:37:28 · 2 answers · asked by Baby Doll 3

Tony Blair, George bush and Toledo (ex-president of Peru), are naked in a Jacuzzi drinking champagne discussing the strategy to defeat terrorism; suddenly........ bip bip bip, Bush presses his elbow and the bipping stops, he then explain that he has a microchip implanted on his elbow that bips when he receives important messages from the entire world. American technology.

Few minutes later, again...... bip bip bip. this time Tony starts speaking to the palm of his hand, after his conversation explains that he has a microchip-phone implanted on his hand so to talk to London and all the world. English Technology

The Peruvian ex-president "Toledo", feeling embarrassed and left behind gets out of the room and a few minutes later return with a piece of toilet paper hanging on his butt; Tony and Bush tell Toledo about it to which Toledo responds .......!oh NOOO, excuse me, I am receiving a FAX! Peruvian technology

2007-01-29 04:21:23 · 25 answers · asked by lokito 2

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My p--is is red."

Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40."

The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell.
His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?"

So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you...you've got to help me. My pe--s is blue."

Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400."

"FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS?" Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40."

"Yes, I did. But George's p--is had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"

2007-01-29 03:52:35 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walking along a street at night came across a blonde lady, on her hands and knees under a street lamp, clearly searching the ground for something.
He asks, "Have you lost something?"
"Yes" she replies, "I've dropped a false nail and I'm looking for it."
"Where abouts did you drop it?" he asks.
"Down there at the bottom of the street."
"Then why are you looking here?" he enquires with a puzzled tone.
She looked up and replied "Because the light's better here."

2007-01-29 03:50:05 · 25 answers · asked by racerman 3

Q: Why do blonde girls have bruises all around their belly buttons?

A: Because blond guys aren’t that smart either.

Q: What's the advantage of being married to a blond?

A: You can park in handicapped zones.

A blonde was driving home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a bad hail storm. The hailstones were the size of golf balls. Her car was dented beyond description.

The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was blonde, the technician decided to have some fun. He told her to take the car home and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her puffing on the tailpipe.

Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, "What are you doing?"

She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girlfriend said, "Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the windows first!"

2007-01-29 03:43:03 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two girls were riding bicycles through the historic district.

One says "I've never come this way before."

The second grins and says "Yeah, must be the cobblestones."

2007-01-29 03:34:06 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous