Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

1. The start of eternity. The end of Time and space. The start of every end and the end of everyplace.
Answer is the letter E

2. To name me is to destroy me.
Answer is Silence

3. Through wind and rain I always play. I roam the earth yet here I stay. I crumble rocks and fire can't beat me, yet I am soft you can measure me in your hand.
Answer is ocean

4. At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?
Answer is Dreams

So well done to you all.

2007-01-28 23:41:53 · 21 answers · asked by pussy cat 1

''first think of the personwho lives in disguise,
who deals with secrets and tells naught but lies,
next, tell me what's always last to mend,
the middle of middle and end of end?
and finally give methe sound often heard
during the search for a hard-to-find word
now string then together, and tell me this,
which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?

2007-01-28 23:41:26 · 6 answers · asked by Katrina 1

2007-01-28 23:37:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

2007-01-28 23:30:17 · 13 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

if yes, how will I say him that I am annoyed

2007-01-28 23:27:26 · 7 answers · asked by ? 2

if u were locked in a mall at night accidently, and u really needed to take a dump and the bathroom was locked what would u do

2007-01-28 23:24:49 · 14 answers · asked by jake s 1

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the
meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's
roommate, Jennifer, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between
Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer
than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just
roommates."

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladl e. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to
be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm not saying that you "did not"
take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been
missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
that read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying
that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy
ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

2007-01-28 23:24:21 · 6 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

2007-01-28 23:17:26 · 30 answers · asked by jake s 1

2007-01-28 22:51:06 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

did youk now that you can get drunk from yoghurts?
its true...i kno from experience, i had 12 yoghurts the other night down my local....i was mullered!
lmao

2007-01-28 22:19:06 · 16 answers · asked by ? 1

If there is a duck infront of duck, and a duck behind a duck,
what is is possible minimum number of duck(s) may be available there??????????

2007-01-28 22:09:25 · 14 answers · asked by Shark 1

2007-01-28 22:08:27 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three engineers are riding down the road in a car. Suddenly, the car begins
to develop trouble. It's sputtering and it sounds like it's going to stall.

The first engineer is a chemical engineer. He says, "It could be something in the fuel line. Lets put an additive into the gas and maybe that
will take care of the problem."

The second engineer is an electrical engineer. She says, "It could be something in the electrical system. Let's replace the wires and the distributor cap. Maybe that will take care of the problem."

The third engineer is a software engineer from Microsoft. He says, "It could be that we've too many windows open. Let's close all the windows, turn off the car, then restart the car and open all the windows again. Maybe that will take care of the problem."

2007-01-28 22:08:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-28 22:04:06 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea the pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer
resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

2007-01-28 21:49:28 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

nisha was sitting ahead of arshad in class.arshad loved to irritate her often and it usually resulted in her telling awkward answers.one day the teacher asked nisha a question-nisha,what did Eve tell Adam after their 25th baby?" all this time arshad was poking his pencil on nisha's back.as nisha was trying to get some sleep she got up suddenly to answer the teacher's question and to stop arshad.she chose to stop arshad and blurted out-"if you stick that damn thing in me again,i swear i will break it into half!!!!!!!!"
LOL!!!
hope you liked it.

2007-01-28 21:41:18 · 16 answers · asked by Heady 3

85 % of women say their A*S is becoming bigger
and
remaining 15 % say they are married to a A*S!

2007-01-28 21:38:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were seven beans but he only got ONE beanstalk.
Was he conned?

2007-01-28 21:38:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

WAYS TO TELL HIM HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED

1. "The cucumber has left the salad."
2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."
3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."
4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."
5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"
6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod."
7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary."
8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons."
9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"
10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis."

2007-01-28 20:55:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three blondes attend the univerity of western Sydney. The headmaster asks them to go outside and measure the height of a flagpole, so the blondes set uo the flagpole outside and climb up a ladder with a tape measure and try to measure the height of the flagpole. A nearby groundskeeper notices that the blondes are having trouble so he decides to help them. The groundskeeper lays the flagpole across the ground and measures it. He tells the blondes the measurement and walks away. As he walks away one blonde mutters "Stupid groundskeeper, gave us the length when we wanted the height"

2007-01-28 20:22:05 · 23 answers · asked by May contain traces of nuts 4

IT MAY BE INDECENT BUT PEOPLE LAUGH ON OTHERS.

2007-01-28 20:11:42 · 19 answers · asked by rulethisworldman 2

Doctor to patient: "What fits your busy schedule better, exercising 1 hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?"

“I was going to wake up early to go jogging, but my toes voted against me 10 to 1”

“I’m trying to fit 30 mins of daily exercise into my busy schedule. Today I took 120 fifteen-second walks”

“My doctor told me to start my exercise program very gradually. Today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants”

“The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there”

2007-01-28 20:01:56 · 10 answers · asked by sugarscamp 5

Do clever men make good husbands?

Clever men don't become husbands!

2007-01-28 19:55:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

please let me know who he or she was and everything you know about him or she. thanks

2007-01-28 19:54:28 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

I COME TWICE A WEEK AND ONCE A YEAR!!!
WHAT AM I ????

2007-01-28 19:47:25 · 10 answers · asked by Indianidol9 1

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,"' asked the
lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'."

Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I as driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

2007-01-28 19:30:39 · 14 answers · asked by sugarscamp 5

2007-01-28 19:27:58 · 18 answers · asked by Jay K 2

2007-01-28 19:09:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be
available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a
power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible
for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can
no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the
names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old fashioned
"stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name
of: "MOUNT & DO."

2007-01-28 18:52:38 · 18 answers · asked by me here, where are you? 3

A man is driving along a highway when he sees a sign:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it must have been a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. . . but soon he sees another sign, which says:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door, reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business..."
"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, Please knock on this door..."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway..."

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him...

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:


GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

2007-01-28 18:49:42 · 2 answers · asked by deepee 4