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Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

[Selected]: All categories Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

2007-01-28 10:11:07 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-28 10:07:45 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What weighs more: A bag with a pound of bricks in it or a bag with a pound of feathers in it?

may b obvious, i just wanna see what u say...

2007-01-28 10:03:13 · 17 answers · asked by Tigers Gal! 4

went over too him and he whispered a foriegn language in my ear and after a large gasp suddenly died.
For years I trawled the internet and the world to find out these words. after many years it seems these words were"You are standing on my oxygen tube"

2007-01-28 09:44:44 · 16 answers · asked by barry f 1

i am in the US (northern california), but intentionally come only to the UK answers site because i love interracting with everyone here. i hope to move to the UK in a few years, but that's really beside the point.

the point is...since being on here, i have seen the term 'knob" used many many times...

and the other day i was in a grocery store called "raley's". well, they have a sister store called "nob hill" in the san francisco area -- named after a tourist area by the same name.

so i'm standing in the checkout line, with my son, and i see the store magazine (which offers recipe ideas and such) and it says "Raley's and Nob Hill" and i just burst out laughing.

and of course my son is like "what...what...? what's so funny?"

i wanted to share that with you, because i knew you could probably appreciate it like i did.

2007-01-28 09:40:30 · 10 answers · asked by soren 6

A woman slips, naked in the shower, does the splits and is suctioned to the floor by her fanny. Her husband and his friend run to her aid. 'what shall we do' says her husband. 'Get me the hammer and we will break the tiles to free her', the friend says. 'Hold on! I'll nibble her ear and play with her t.its', the husband says. His friend asks why.The husband replies,' If I can get her wet we can slide her into the kitchen. The tiles in there are cheaper'

2007-01-28 09:34:51 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

who ever guess the right answer i'll give u the best answer if its a tie i'll send a message to the people who got the tie and ask another question for them

so can u guess wat it is?

2007-01-28 09:32:41 · 36 answers · asked by TaiTai21 1

What does 3+3 equil?
What does 3*3 equil?
What are you thinking about?

2007-01-28 09:22:57 · 15 answers · asked by Mario 3.14 (1592653589...etc) 1

You're driving a car. To your right is a drop off of about 20 to 24 inches. You're boxed in on the left by a fire engine. Immediately in front and behind you are two people riding galloping horses. You are boxed in, unable to go right or left. Unable to pass the horse in front and unable to stop because of the horse behind. What do you do to get out of this dangerous situation?

Arrow down for answer.



















Get your stupid butt off the merry go round.

2007-01-28 09:21:54 · 7 answers · asked by yagman 7

When im a baby im white, when im and adult im black. my species is impossible to destroy. im unliked and very annoying. Im hard to catch but easy to destroy. I love food, i love to bother you, I even love Poo!

2007-01-28 09:21:51 · 14 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

me n my friends have a joke party once in two months ,,,the one who tells da most and best joke gets da prize ,,,plz i need new gud jokes so i can get da next prize ,,probabaly an ipod.

2007-01-28 09:21:17 · 11 answers · asked by glitter 1

After a few years im no good. kids always turn me on. And im lots of fun. I have two younger brothers who are better than me, and there are over a million of me.

2007-01-28 09:15:14 · 14 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

I like to eat Cats, im very ugly but kids love me. Im full of hair! Now im old so you dont see me not more. I also have a long nose, you've probly seen my show.

2007-01-28 09:13:24 · 10 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."

2007-01-28 09:12:23 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

this is so old my great granny laughed at it.

2007-01-28 09:09:48 · 9 answers · asked by molly 6

3 naked men in a sauna, irish, american, japanez, there is a loud beeping sound, the japanez man says it is my pager, i have an inplant in my arm under my skin, japanez technology. A while later a mobil phone rings, the american lifts his hand to his ear and says i have an implant in the palm of my hand, american know how. After a short time the irish gets up and walks out of the sauna, he returns a short time later with a stream of toilet paper hanging out of his bum, i`m just getting a fax he says, irish savey.

2007-01-28 08:59:48 · 20 answers · asked by olly 2

there are 30 dogs and 28 sheep. how many didn't??

i know this doesnt make sense, but think about it. the first person to get it right gets best answer...

2007-01-28 08:59:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realised that his horse had been stolen.

The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

2007-01-28 08:47:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, there are a blonde and a brunette in a bar and the news is on. On the news there is a man about to jump off of a building and the brunette turns to the blonde and says "I bet you five dollars the guy jumps." and the blonde says "I'll take that bet!" At about that time the guy jumps and the blonde hands the brunette five dollars. "I can't take this!" The brunette says. "I say this this morning and I knew he was going to jump."
"Well that's okay," says the blonde. "I saw it this morning too, I just didn't think he'd do it twice."

2007-01-28 08:44:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

the 1st wife tries to make her husband think hes dead so when he got home from work she goes up to him an say you dont look to well and tells him it looks like he has cancer so the next day she is crying and he ask what wrong she doesnt anwsir she starts to yell he's dead he's dead she does it so much he actually thinks hes dead the 2nd wife tries to make her husband think hes wearing clothes so when he comes home he ask her what she is doing with the sewing machine & she says i am makeing you a suit for my friends husband funeral he says okay so the day of the funeral and she says she is done & to come and look he gives her a wierd look but stop when she says this yarn was cost so much money he thinks i dont want to make her sad so she tells him to put hes under wear on and she also tells him to put on the'suit'the two wifes start to fight on who won the two husbands overhear & the "dead" husband over hears and says pay her i could never wear that

rate on a 1-10

2007-01-28 08:44:36 · 7 answers · asked by Kaci 2

There are four guys in the park who get arrested for blowing bubbles.

In the court room one guy comes in, the judge says, "who are you and what are you charged with"??
"I'm duck and i got charged for blowing bubbles in the park".

2nd one comes in, " who are you and what are you charged with"?
"I'm duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park".

3rd one comes in." Who are you and what were you charged with"?
"I'm duck duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park".

4th one comes in judge says "let me guess, your duck duck duck duck, and charged for blowing bubbles in the park?"

"NO, he says...I'm bubbles!!".

2007-01-28 08:43:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do u know if a woman's boyfriend is a blonde?

2007-01-28 08:36:35 · 6 answers · asked by metallica_lover_345 1

What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three at night?

2007-01-28 08:35:46 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

there is this lady Mary at the mentally ill treatment center and this other guy Jim she is friends with. Jim kept trying to kill himself in different ways and one day he jumped in the pool to try and drown and Mary jumped in to save him. she pulled him out and the aides helped him and took him back to his room. later they went to Mary and told her because she was capable and aware enough to have saved Jim's life they were going to let her try living in her own place with supervision , then they said but we have some bad news too. we went to check on Jim and he suuceeded in his suicide, he hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt. Mary said, oh he didn't kill himself, I hung him there to dry.

2007-01-28 08:35:34 · 5 answers · asked by donnyschick33 2

A guy is training his his 9 month old puppy all kinds of tricks. Well, he goes to the store and brings the dog with him and rolls the window of the car down just enough for the dog to stick his head out the window. Well, the man walks a couple feet then turns around and says stay to the dog. Then he walks a couple more feet turns around and says stay again. Then a blonde walks up to him and says 'Why don't you just put it in park?'

2007-01-28 08:34:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2

An elderly man is on his deathbed,
Although he can feel the end is near, his
senses are suddenly aroused by a wondeful aroma.
He realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite cakes.
He finds the strength to drag his tired body to the kitchen, and as his frail, withered hand reaches up to the table he suddenly feels the wack of a wooden spoon
as his wife shouts F*** off they're for the funeral.

2007-01-28 08:31:19 · 18 answers · asked by Tatty Ted 3

.. all he has in there is a table.. but he manages 2 escape.. how? =)

2007-01-28 08:29:45 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a blonde and she is trying to put a puzzle together. Well, the puzzle is so hard so she calls her boyfriend. "Urg! This puzzle of a tiger is so hard! Will you come over and help me?" So the boyfriend agrees and when he gets there she is at the coffee table still trying to put the puzzle together. He looks at her then the puzzle and shakes his head and walks into the kitchen and makes some tea. Then comes back into the living room. "Here, drink this and relax," he says. "And as soon as you're relaxed we'll put the cornflakes back in the box."

2007-01-28 08:28:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

2007-01-28 08:26:59 · 10 answers · asked by MoB uK 1

15

Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."

"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!"

So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."

Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."

Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Junior," he says, "What you give me the okay for?!"

"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates."
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, "But we's Sergeants now!

2007-01-28 08:26:20 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

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