Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Oh, the bitter irony

2007-01-28 08:25:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

One afternoon this young woman called on her neighbour for a chat. She walked in and said, "You look depressed." "You bet i am, " replied the neighbour. "Look what my bloody husband sent me - 6 dozen roses. Now i'm going to have to spend the entire weekend flat on my back with my legs open." "Don't be silly," said the first woman, "why don't you use a vase?"

2007-01-28 08:24:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What has four wheels and flies?

2007-01-28 08:19:56 · 10 answers · asked by Hannah J 1

answer it as it is a funny but needs some inteeligence

2007-01-28 08:17:20 · 21 answers · asked by chaitanya_thegr8 2

If a rooster laid an egg on the tip of the roof, which way would the egg roll?

2007-01-28 08:16:59 · 58 answers · asked by Hannah J 1

Please i need something good ok nothing lame

2007-01-28 08:11:29 · 20 answers · asked by aleksejmonkeyboy 1

2007-01-28 08:11:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for those 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh ... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

2007-01-28 08:10:42 · 26 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

ok here it is

two blondes r walkin through the forest, one stops the other and says look deer tracks. The other one says no their bear tracks. So they stay their all day arguing over which one is right.
The next morning the newspaper headlines say " TWO BLONDES KILLED BY TRAIN"

2007-01-28 08:10:00 · 15 answers · asked by metallica_lover_345 1

funny but need a little bit of intelligence.if u have so then answer it

2007-01-28 08:08:43 · 7 answers · asked by chaitanya_thegr8 2

2007-01-28 08:08:32 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A HOCKEY GAME.

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.

BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY

BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE

NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK
I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100
NUNS LIVING THERE."

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO
GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE
ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN,

AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, "WHY
DON'T YOU GO TO HELL . THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS
THERE."

Gotta love those Catholics!

2007-01-28 08:03:53 · 12 answers · asked by riah 1

i've heard the whole song but it doesn't in one part say what craking corn is or was.

2007-01-28 08:00:32 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a word in the English language in which the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four signify a great man, and the whole word, a great woman. What is the word?

When John was six years old he hammered a nail into his favorite tree to mark his height. Ten years later at age sixteen, John returned to see how much higher the nail was. If the tree grew by five centimeters each year, how much higher would the nail be?

How can you physically stand behind your friend as he physically stands behind you?

If three cats catch three mice in three minutes, how many cats would be needed to catch 100 mice in 100 minutes?

Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?

Lets see how many u can figure out? Whoever figures out all of them first will be chosen best answerer...

2007-01-28 07:56:57 · 6 answers · asked by fire.kisser 2

2007-01-28 07:46:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

yea, she changes her pads every 3 periods

2007-01-28 07:45:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-28 07:31:08 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Their was a blonde , brunette and a redhead , and they all went to try and get a job with the council painting the white lines on the road .

The interviewer decided they were all good for the job and to decide who would get the job he put them all on a 3 day trial , whoever painted the most lines got the job. After the 1st day , the blonde came back and had painted 100 miles Brilliant the interviewer said , the brunette and the blonde both said they had done just 40 miles each .

The next day the blonde comes back and says she has done 50 miles Not as good as yesterday , but still very good , carry on like this and you may get the job The brunnete and redhead again have only done 40 miles . The third day the blonde comes back and says she has done 25 miles What happened? , you started so well said the interviewer , well the paint pot kept getting further and further away !!

2007-01-28 07:30:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: Can't you see I'm winning.

2007-01-28 07:27:54 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and cupping a little feel here and a little kiss there.


(contd. below........)

2007-01-28 07:26:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my sister to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

2007-01-28 07:25:18 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.


THE REST IS COMING

2007-01-28 07:18:44 · 18 answers · asked by hello. it's me. 4

In the song "Three wooden crosses" at the end the singer says "there are three wooden crosses at the right side of the highway..why there's not four of them, now i guess we know." Well i dont know. Why are there only three and not four? does the hooker not get one or something..Thanks

2007-01-28 07:15:21 · 8 answers · asked by abercrombiestudd07 1

What am I?

You can see me in the summer, but probably don't want to.
You can't see me in the winter, but I won't want you to.

If you can't get it I'll give you guys a hint.

2007-01-28 07:10:04 · 8 answers · asked by Ace 5

2007-01-28 07:07:18 · 15 answers · asked by shannon.moneyline 1

so yea all these people at university were learning about UFO's and ghosts and all that. and the teacher asked "Have any of u ever seen one?" and the student who lived on a farm said "i did, it ate all the grass on my lawn!" then the teacher was stunned and said "A ghoust ate all the grass on ur lawn?!" then the student said, "o many many pardons, i thought u said goat!"

2007-01-28 07:03:31 · 5 answers · asked by baby_gurlz136 2

I went into the woods and got it. I sat down to seek it. I brought it home with me because I couldn't find it. What am I?

2007-01-28 06:59:32 · 26 answers · asked by MomToDavid 5

is there a scientific explanation if not silly answers will do

2007-01-28 06:58:29 · 11 answers · asked by luke.murray1@btinternet.com 1

its trivia
it starts with a c and ends with a l

2007-01-28 06:57:47 · 3 answers · asked by Me so STUPID!!! 1

The other drunk said "I already do on a regular basis once or twice a week" The other drunk sobered up a bit and asked him again "so you've made love to a ghost have you" Oh no say's the other drunk I thought you said goat!!

2007-01-28 06:57:35 · 25 answers · asked by Chris 5