Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

A man goes to the doctors and says my head feels like a forest and the doctor says whats it like he sed there are trees around my head and tents pitched every were and a lake in the middle the doctor says dont werey its only a beauty spot. was that funny?

2007-01-28 05:05:06 · 16 answers · asked by philip k 1

What am I?
I am greater than God
And more devilish than the devil
Poor people have me
Rich people want me
What am I?

2007-01-28 04:56:15 · 15 answers · asked by anon 3

Bluetooth...haha -.-

2007-01-28 04:55:32 · 4 answers · asked by Mr. Smiley 6

A man goes to the doctors and says can you give me anyting for wind he sed yes heres a kite. was that funny?

2007-01-28 04:54:27 · 6 answers · asked by philip k 1

A LAST NAME!!

2007-01-28 04:21:07 · 21 answers · asked by JUSTASKING 1

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

2007-01-28 04:16:20 · 47 answers · asked by Tink 5

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

2007-01-28 04:15:08 · 28 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-01-28 04:14:25 · 6 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

and the bartender asks him if he realizes he has a steering wheel on his lap....and the irish guy says, "Yes, it's driving me nuts!!"

2007-01-28 04:14:14 · 8 answers · asked by JUSTASKING 1

Are my testxxxxs black? A guy is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks "Are my testxxxxs black?" "I'm sorry but I'm not medical staff, I can't help you with that" she replies. "Oh, please have a look for me, I'm really worried; Are my testxxxxs black?" Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff around, says "Alright, I'll have a look for you". She pulls back the bedcover, lifts his manhood out of the way and, cupping his b@lls in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, "No, they look fine to me". The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and says "I said, Are my test results back?"

2007-01-28 04:12:44 · 33 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-01-28 04:00:52 · 33 answers · asked by Troubled Joe(the ghost of) 6

heres two of 'em <===3 theyre really hard

if sally is wearing a lavender shirt, and peter is wearing tan pants, what color garment is george wearing?
hint - 1 = garment 3 = color

why is it that when ppl say "the first one to answer this question gets ten points" (besides the two points they get automatically for answering) there are like 20 ppl that answer the question? there can only be one first answerer......

BEST ANSWER GETS 12 POINTS!!!!!!

2007-01-28 03:49:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

when u submit a joke do they select then randomly or does some one actually read all of them?

2007-01-28 03:21:44 · 8 answers · asked by !!! 3

he stinks boi

2007-01-28 03:13:31 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-28 03:12:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk among us and many work retail.

A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. They walk among us.

2007-01-28 03:03:51 · 19 answers · asked by Walking Man 6

she say's doctor , i have got two green marks on the inside of my thighs, so he gets her up onthe examination table and checks her out ,he asks her if she has a boyfriend, yes she replys, and does he have pierced ears, asks the doctor , yes she answers, well next time you see him tell him his earings arn't gold ................

2007-01-28 02:47:38 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

His personality

2007-01-28 02:44:01 · 8 answers · asked by TO Red 2

Do you have common sense? If yes, then you must answer these questions. Scroll down..

















What is Ireland's capital?
What is the abbrevation of AIDS?
Who invented vaccines?
What is the capital of China?
Who discovered electricity?
Why does a bullet make a hole in a glass while a ball doesn't?
Why do we wear seat-belts?
Which mosquito is responsible for causing diseases?
Which country is the leading producer of sugar cane?
Why do bees dance?
What is the colour of a cockroach's blodd?
Why are you so unique in the world?
What is India's capital?
Which cricketer was the first to take a half century?
Scroll down...
















Now, without scrolling up, tell me what was the first question I asked you. The first person to give me the answer will recieve ten points.

2007-01-28 02:42:36 · 5 answers · asked by Blaze 3

A new retaurant opened locally that serves Chinese and German food.

Thirty minutes after you eat, you're hungry for power.

2007-01-28 02:41:31 · 4 answers · asked by TO Red 2

A Nebraska farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

"Is yer Pa home"? the farmer asked.

No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is yer Ma here"?

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Pa. "

"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here"?

"He went with Ma and Pa. "

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya"? the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are if you want to borrey one. Or maybe, I could take a message fer Pa. "

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Pa. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment.

"You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded.

"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 fer the bull and $25 fer the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Greg."

2007-01-28 02:37:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Witch one of these blonde jokes do you like the best? (I hope i'm not insulting anyone!)

1: A ventriloquist is doing his daily rounds of blonde jokes, talking to his dummy (on his knee), the crowd lauging loudly. Suddenly, a large blonde in the crowd stands up. Very angry, she shouts:
"You think that's funny?! HUH?!! What's you peoples problems now days?! Making fun of blondes! We're people too, you know!? We're just as smart as you are! You all think we're stupid, well we're NOT!!"
Starteld and bewildered, the ventriloquist starts to apoligise when the blonde interups:
You stay out of this! I'm talk'in to that little bas***ed on your knee!

2: Two blondes are trying to unlock there car with a clothes hanger. (They locked there keys in the car). One tells the other:
Hurry! It's starting to rain, and we left the top down!

3: Blonde inventions:
Water-proof towl
submerine screen door
inflatable dart board
solar-powered flashlight
water-proof tea bag
a book on how to read

2007-01-28 02:36:44 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Englishman, Scottsman, and Irishman sitting on top of a tall building they are finnishing off. They have all stopped building for lunch, the Englishman opens his sandwiches and exclains "Ahh Beef! I'm so sick of beef sandwiches. If I get beef again, I'm jumping off this building!"
The Scottsman opens his sandwich "Ah, Haggis!, if I get Haggis tomorrow, I'm with you english man, I'm jumping!!"
The Irishman opens his, "Ahhhh Lamb..... If I get lamb tomorrow I'm wit you lads!"

Next Day:
Englishman, "I don't belive it, BEEF again, thats it." with that he jump off the 78 floor and dies!
Scotsman, "Ahh Haggis!" he also jumps and dies.
Irishman, "Ahh Lamb" He shouts as he jumps to his death.
Later that day at the morge all the wives are there consoling each other, the english wife exclaims "if only he said he didn't like beef I would have made him something else!" The scots wife aggreed, The irish wife perked up and says "I just don't understand.. Patrick made his own sandwiches

2007-01-28 02:33:59 · 16 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he had bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage.

A police spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

2007-01-28 02:30:26 · 13 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, where as women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

2007-01-28 02:29:17 · 8 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

Never saw a elephant bushing his teeth, still his teeth last his whole life which is almost equal to ours.

2007-01-28 02:25:05 · 10 answers · asked by Henry 1

There is a mute who wants to buy a
toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing
one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to
the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes
to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express
himself? Think about it first before answer...

2007-01-28 02:14:40 · 17 answers · asked by Alex 2

A child was once asked by a teacher to write five sentences in English at home.

The boy went home and first asked his mother-"Mom, tell me a sentence in English."
"STUPID, can't you see I'm cooking?"

He asked the same to his brother, who was watching a cricket match. With his full attention on the match, he said-"WHAT A SHOT!!"

When he asked his sister, who was playing a video game, she said-"Batman, action man, GI JOE!"

When he was on his bus to school, the conductor said-"Ladies first."

Then his desperate eyes saw a board on a bank: "INTERNATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY-IPP"

When he went to school, his teacher asked-"Tell me the sentences."
"STUPID,can't you see I'm cooking?"

The teacher slapped him on the face.

"WHAT A SHOT!!"

The teacher draggs him to the principal, where the principal asks-
"Who do you think you are?"

"Batman, Action man, GI JOE!"
"Remove your shirt."
"Ladies first."
"Where did you learn all this?"
"International political party-IPP"

2007-01-28 02:08:46 · 18 answers · asked by Blaze 3

He wiped his @55........

2007-01-28 02:07:12 · 7 answers · asked by Welshdragon 5

Why wasn't Jessus born in Essex?

Couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

2007-01-28 02:01:59 · 25 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3