Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

...a car crash, lost in the woods, set adrift in the ocean, held up at a gas station?

2007-01-27 16:58:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The first one says, "My dad works for a company that lets him start at noon and end at three!"

The second one says, "That's nothing compared to MY dad...he's a writer, and he can start and end work any time he wants to!"

The third one says, "I've got you both beat...my dad is a city worker. He shift ends at 5:30 and he's home by 4:45!"

(not sure I told it right...)

2007-01-27 16:42:27 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Think about it. what are the chances a cockroach goes through your window if your windows are mostly closed. What do you guys think they mostly come from. I used to live in an apartment and I would see at least 3 to 4 cockroaches a month at my old home. What do you guys think? how do they get there?

2007-01-27 16:39:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say,
"See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's @ss."

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

What do you call male ballerinas?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your @ss?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time?
Do I point to my crotch & ask, “Excuse me buddy where’s the bathroom?”

2007-01-27 16:35:31 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

mary and joseph had some beer and they got in bed and *boop* nine moths later jesus appeared!
wat do u think and plz dont sugar coat it(unless u really want to)(haha)

2007-01-27 15:58:30 · 11 answers · asked by just ME 2

THE WORD CONTAINS THE LETTERS D*B***. IN THAT ORDER AND D* IS ONE WORD SEPARATED FROM B***.

2007-01-27 15:49:02 · 6 answers · asked by chingchang 1

If a boy looks at a girl, then he thinks she is the most beautiful thing in the world, but when a girl looks at a boy, she thinks he is the most wonderful thing in her life.
Truth or crap?

2007-01-27 15:39:38 · 30 answers · asked by Sushi 1

I live in the oceans & rivers & seas. When I'm cold, I float. When I'm hot, I'm free.

2007-01-27 15:27:12 · 14 answers · asked by stella 2

2007-01-27 15:23:16 · 11 answers · asked by KiKi 1

There's something about him I really don't like.

2007-01-27 15:20:04 · 3 answers · asked by desertskieswoman 5

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl. However, the girl's father does not like him and want them to stop their relationship, and so the boy wrote this letter to the girl.
He knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter:

01||||||"The great love that I have for you

02|||||| is gone, and I find my dislike for you

03|||||| grows every day. When I see you,

04|||||| I do not even like your face;

05|||||| the one thing that I want to do is to

06|||||| look at other girls. I never wanted to

07|||||| marry you. Our last conversation

08|||||| was very boring and has not

09|||||| made me look forward to seeing you again.

10|||||| You think only of yourself.

11|||||| If we were married, I know that I would find

12|||||| life very difficult, and I would have no

13|||||| pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14|||||| to give, but it is not something that

15|||||| I want to give to you. No one is more

16|||||| foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17|||||| able to care for me and help me.

18|||||| I sincerely want you to understand that

19|||||| I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20|||||| if you think this is the end. Do not try

21|||||| to answer this. Your letters are full of

22|||||| things that do not interest me. You have no

23|||||| true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24|||||| I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25|||||| I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy had informed the girl to read only the ODD-NUMBERED LINES IN THE LETTER and make up her mind. When there is a Will, there is a Way...

2007-01-27 15:02:28 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

I only found a couple in the paper today.
One involved filling up boxes with chocolate. I don't think they told me the job title. They were laughing when I ask.
The other one involved slicing large pieces of cheddar. They thought that was funny too.
Am I missing something here?

2007-01-27 14:58:51 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

These are both good ....

1. A Canadian, an American, a gorgeous German blonde and an old Italian woman were travelling on a train. All of a sudden the train was plunged into darkness in a tunnel. In the darkness a loud 'smack' was heard. As the train emerged again the American had a bright red welt on his cheek.

The American thought, 'That damn Canadian pinched the blonde and she thought it was me, and smacked me'.

The old Italian woman thought, 'The nerve of that American, he pinched the blonde and she smacked him'.

The German blonde thought, 'That American, must have tried pinching me, but got the elderly woman by mistake, and she smacked him'.

The Canadian thought, ‘I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Yank again’

2. A man goes into a corner shop and asks for a box of condoms.

"Sorry, we don't sell condoms here," the shopkeeper says. "You should try Boots."

The guy looks shocked and says "I want to have sex with her, not kick the **** out

2007-01-27 14:53:12 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys are riding to work on the bus. They both see two dogs going at it on a lawn.

One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Wow, I'd give anything to do it to my wife like that."

The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy. Just feed her three beers and she'll be ready to do it in minutes."

The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning.

(contd. below...)

2007-01-27 14:28:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

My drunken uncle who was stopped by the police for going the wrong way down a one-way street? The cop says "Didn't you see the arrows?" And my uncle says "Arrows? I didn't even see the Indians!" Then the officer asks "Where were heading to, anyhow?" My uncle said "I don't know, but I must be late because everybody else is coming back".

2007-01-27 14:20:28 · 11 answers · asked by Commander 3

2007-01-27 14:19:03 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-27 14:18:14 · 8 answers · asked by david p 1

Marking the pigs that kick!!

2007-01-27 14:12:22 · 11 answers · asked by Ted 2

Will I get in trouble not sending my grandson to school? I took him over to register and there was this big yellow sign with the words "Slow Children Ahead" now he is very smart so I refused to register him. Now what do I do?

2007-01-27 14:11:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is this short guy. He lives on the top floor of an apartment building. Everyday when it's nice out he takes the stairs. When it's rainy out he takes the elevator. How Does he reach the top button?

2007-01-27 14:11:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

men who are bald at the back of the head are great lovers but
when they are bald front and back they just think there great lovers

2007-01-27 14:09:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-27 14:06:48 · 5 answers · asked by justinne hillary 1

and are we really the dinosours stomp stomp stomp

2007-01-27 14:04:19 · 9 answers · asked by THANK YOU FOR THE VENOM 1

Because she keeps changing more often.

2007-01-27 14:01:14 · 7 answers · asked by ronson 2

2007-01-27 13:55:22 · 14 answers · asked by monapepper 2

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Well, Clark has his hand raised in the back of the class. But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Matt.

Matt replies, 'Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely.'

'Good' the teacher replies.

'What about you Steve?'

Steve says, 'Since the bus broke down, transportation was stopped indefinitely.'

The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and she asks if anyone can use it in a different way.


(contd. below...)

2007-01-27 13:50:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Husband: 'Youre so stupid, you can't even tell the difference between left and right!'
Wife: 'Of course i can. Take away everything in the world that's right - and you're what's left.'

2007-01-27 13:48:52 · 21 answers · asked by crazeeladee no more 5

A boy was in line for lunch in his school cafeteria for a hotdog. The boy got his hot dog, and asked, "Can I have some ketchup?"
She said, "Young man, I do not allow that language in my lunchroom, go back to class."
Well, the boy went back to class very confused. His teacher asked why he was back so soon without eating. He said "all I did was ask for some ketchup, and she told me to go back to class." The teacher said, "Young man I do not allow words like that in my classroom, go see the principal."
So, he went to the principal still very confused. The principal asked him why he was here. He said, "All I did was ask for some ketchup." He said, Son, I do not tolerate that language in my school, you're suspended."
His mom picked him up and asked why he got suspended, he said "All I did was ask for ketchup!" She says, "I don't allow words like that in my house!"
So he decided to run away. He ran down the road, was hit by car and killed instantly.

What is the moral the story?

2007-01-27 13:47:23 · 12 answers · asked by penguinluvinman 4

Have always wanted a pie in the face. How would I ask someone to throw one at me?

2007-01-27 13:38:53 · 28 answers · asked by o2bpied 2

He wore nothing but a potato on a string and she wore nothing but a lemon on a string.

He was a dictator and she was a sour puss.

2007-01-27 13:38:22 · 13 answers · asked by Ted 2