What is a good joke... i need one?

Question

Please i need something good ok nothing lame

Answer 1

So there's this class. Everyday, a boy comes in later and later. One day, John came in late.
"John, why are you late," asked the teacher.
"I was on top of Cherry Hill." he said.
"O.K." said the teacher.
The next day, another boy came in late. He had all the same answers, until one day nobody was late. They were expecting a new student, though.
So then a gorgeous girl pops ,into the room.
"Hi. I'm the new student."
"Please tell the class your name." said the teacher.
"Hi everyone! I'm Cherry Hill!"

Answer 2

This little girl is doing a report on Moby Dick and says "Jonah was then swallowed by the BIG whale" Her teacher then goes "But students remember that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human." The girl then goes "then how did the whale swallow jonah??" The teacher then replies " It is just a story. Now please let the next student do his report." The little girl stays standing and says "when I go to heaven I'll ask Jonah" Irratated the teacher asks "But what if Jonah goes to hell?" The little girl smiles and says " Then you ask him."

thats all I got

Answer 3

Person A: Knock Knock

Person B: Who's there?

Person A: A Shoe

Person B: A Shoe Who?

Person B: KAZOOMTIGHT

Answer 4

What's the difference between Sammy Davis Jr. and Michael Jackson?

Answer 5

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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THE TEACHER Smart-*** Answer OF THE YEAR. A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she replied.
"Needs ironing." he said.
____________________________________________________A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Answer 6

Al right! theirs one guy in a bar & another guy comes in and he has a 12" pianist on his shoulder. the other guy asked him where did he get that? the guy told him from the magican out side of the bar. well the other guy goes out side and asks the magican for a million bucks...poof! the magican gives the man 1 million ducks. so the same guy go's into the bar and said" man that magican sucks! to other guy and the other guy said" do really think i asked for a 12'' pianist!?!

Answer 7

haha nicely sturdy i've got been given a intercourse comedian tale for you desire you like it :) on listening to that her grandad had purely died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her while she asked how he died her nan replyed by utilising sayin that he had had a heart attack on an identical time as makin love 2 her kate pronounced that it became stupid that 2 previous people the place havin intercourse because it became askin for worry her nan replyed by utilising sayin that they used to do it to the slow %. of the church bells because it became purely the superb speed she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on by utilising sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might nonetheless be alive immediately'' :) xxx

Answer 8

Why was Raggedy Anne removed from the toy box?

Because every time they opened the lid,they found Raggedy Anne sitting on Pinocchio's nose screaming "Lie to me,Lie to me!"

Answer 9

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees. "Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

Answer 10

Blonde jokes:

A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.

She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.

The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".

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I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

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Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

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Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"


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Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called How to Hug, only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?



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blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.

The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.

"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

~~~

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.

They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.

The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.

They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, �Okay, we'll give him one more try.

We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!�