Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Okay, try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
You might try over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but they say you can't, that it's preprogrammed.

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with you right hand.

Your foot will change direction.

........And there's nothing you can do about it! ?
Hmmmmm...tell an alkie THAT!
I'm going to keep trying! I EXPECT different results, you know.
_________________

2007-01-29 13:31:46 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-29 13:27:29 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-29 13:21:20 · 18 answers · asked by Justino 3

2007-01-29 13:12:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

som1 plz make a joke or riddle!!!! if u hav one share plz!!!!

2007-01-29 13:07:00 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

...not to mess with kids:
A mother said to her son, "everytime you make me upset, i get another white hair". Then he said to her "OH! So THAT's why granny's hairs all white!"

2007-01-29 12:55:22 · 10 answers · asked by ily_bubble 2

How Would You Make a Marriage Work?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
—Ricky, age 10

2007-01-29 12:47:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is it?

2007-01-29 12:38:54 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A duck waddles into a bar and asks the bartender, “Ya got any grapes?” The bartender is a little puzzled but answers, “No. I don’t have any grapes.” So the duck says, “OK” and waddles out of the bar. Next day the duck waddles into the bar and ask again, “Ya got any grapes?” The bartender is a little more perturbed now but answers, “NO! I don’t have any grapes!” So the duck says, “OK” and waddles out of the bar. The next day the duck waddles back in and says, “Ya got any grapes?” Now the bartender is mad. So he says, “NO! I DON’T HAVE ANY GRAPES! NOW IF YOU COME IN HERE AND ASK ME THAT AGAIN I’M GONNA GET MY GUN AND SHOOT YOU DEAD! So the next day the duck waddles back into the bar and goes up to the bartender and says, “Ya got any bullets?” The bartender says “No. I don’t have any bullets.” So the duck says “OK. Ya got any grapes?”

Give me two separate scores.

Funny factor 1 thru 10

Groan factor 1 thru 10

2007-01-29 12:37:18 · 13 answers · asked by yagman 7

What is greater than God?
More evil than the devil?
The poor have it?
The rich need it?
And if you eat it you die?

2007-01-29 12:35:43 · 25 answers · asked by Jessi 2

one day a boy walks over to a girl and says can u help me study the girl says yes the boys says come over my house the girl says yes they get to the house the boys name is johnny so the girl says johnny can we go upstairs johnny says yes the girl says i want milk johnny goes dowstairs and gets milk the girl gets naked the boy got naked downstairs his mother comes home and calls for johnny johnny humphermore johnny says i'm tryin i'm tryin


Was this funny best answer gets my 10 points.

2007-01-29 12:26:59 · 2 answers · asked by spicy delicious 2

A woman is going into a town a few days before her husband. Her husband will meet her there in a few days. After the woman arrived to town, her husband sent her an e-mail. But however, her husband misspelt her e-mail without realizing and sent it off. Meanwhile, at another city, a widow just arrived home from her husband's funeral. She went on her computer and checked her e-mail, then she fainted. A mintue later, her son goes in her room and see her laying on the ground. He looks up at the computer and sees a message saying: To my dearest wife, I will be arriving in a few days. Wait for me.
PS. It's hot down here!


Hahha.. i found this on some site...What do u think?

2007-01-29 12:14:15 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

what does a dog do that that a human steps in first peson to get it gets ten pts


think hard

good luck

2007-01-29 12:02:58 · 20 answers · asked by skater_gurl_rawks 2

this is supposed to be a funny question so have fun.

2007-01-29 12:00:29 · 15 answers · asked by Brandon D 1

1945, a young girl named katu lata kulu came over to America in a grey boat from Africa. A mysterious man killed her by cutting the word "LATUALATUKA" into her back.

LOL WASN'T THAT SO FUNNY?.. Don't you love people that think they're funny? Well, now is your chance to act like them.. lamest joke gets 10 points.

2007-01-29 11:55:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

First to answer correct gets best answer.

Theres a snail in a well. The well is 30 metres deep. Everyday the snail climbs up 3 metres, and every night he slides back 2 metres. How many days does it take the snail to reach the top??

2007-01-29 11:50:22 · 21 answers · asked by skulptr 2

What does a man do standing up... a woman does it sitting down.. and adog does it on three legs ?

2007-01-29 11:38:43 · 29 answers · asked by willie.f 1

Marel,Rickey,April and Eric favorite colors are Green,Orange,Brown and Blue.

1)Marels favorite color starts with the letter B
2)April and Rickeys name have the same amount of letters as their favorite color.
3)Only the boys like orange and green.

can you find everyones favorite color?

2007-01-29 11:38:29 · 15 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

baby monkey said to mother, "mum, why are we so ugly?" mother says "u shd be grateful, wait till u see the person reading this."

2007-01-29 11:38:28 · 15 answers · asked by lila 3

Lili,John,Hope,and Nathan are playing tag. One person is "it" and the others are hiding behind the garage, a tree, and a car.

1)Lili can see the person whose hiding behind the garage.
2)The person behind the car has a four letter name.
3)Hope and Lili can see whose "it"

tell me where everyone is hiding and whose it for 10 points!! muah ha ha!!!

2007-01-29 11:34:53 · 15 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

A man rides into town on Friday, stays for 3 days and leaves on Friday.
How does he do it? First correct answer will get a prize.

2007-01-29 11:33:42 · 14 answers · asked by rc flyer 1

Angelo,Becky,Corad,and Doreen are a comedian,actor,bellhop,and a trapece artist.

1)Doreen is not in show buisness
2)Neither Becky nor Angelo is an actor
3)People never laugh when Beckys working

match the jobs!!!

2007-01-29 11:30:27 · 12 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

Walks into a bar. Barman says "Why the long face?"

2007-01-29 11:28:01 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

we have dreads and were no longer friends. one of us is alive and one of us is dead. you wont hear from us, were old so we cant dance no more.

2007-01-29 11:25:35 · 5 answers · asked by Ms.J 2

He served subpoena coladas!

2007-01-29 11:22:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Barman says "You've got a steering wheel down your trousers" Guy says "I know . It's driving me nuts"

2007-01-29 11:20:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you don't know where you're going, chances are you will end up somewhere else.
I really didn't say everything I said.

If you ask me a question I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

It ain't the heat; it's the humility.

It's deja-vu all over again.

You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours.

The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands.

You can't think and hit at the same time.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.

If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

90% of the game is half mental.

It's never happened in the World Series history - and it hasn't happened since.

I'm as red as a sheet.

It's not too far, it just seems like it is.

If you don't set goals, you can't regret not reaching them.

Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting.

We were overwhelming underdogs.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

You mean now? (When asked for the time.)

We have a good time together, even when we're not together.

Little League baseball is a good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets and the kids out of the house.

The future ain't what it used to be.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Pair up in threes.

Don't get me right, I'm just asking.

I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm tired of answering that question.

You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left.

90% of short putts don't go in.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself. (After being told he looked cool.)

We're lost, but we're making great time!

If people don't want to come to the ball park, how are you going to stop them?

How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. (Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "Bearer".)

I'd say he's done more than that. (When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.)

He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light. (On the acquisition of Rickey Henderson.)

I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn't find it.

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces. I'm not hungry enough to eat eight.

I don't know, I'm not in shape yet. (When asked what size cap he wanted.)

I want to thank you for making this day necessary. (On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in 1947.)

I don't remember leaving, so I guess we didn't go.

I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it. (When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.)

I usually take a two hour nap, from one to four.

Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have made it before he died.

It gets late early out there. (Referring to the sun conditions in left field at the stadium.)

It was hard to have a conversation with anyone - there were too many people talking.

I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.

Texas has a lot of electrical votes. (During an election campaign - after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.)

You can observe a lot just by watching.

No, you didn't wake me up. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.

I really liked it. Even the music was good. (When asked if he liked the opera one evening.)

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.

Shut up and talk.

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" To this, Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

Carmen said "I took Tim to see Doctor Zhivago today." Yogi replied, "What the hell's wrong with him now?"

2007-01-29 11:20:43 · 3 answers · asked by kirby 2

Once upon a time a little boy asked his mother how old he is and she said it was none of his business. He then asked why his dad got divorced with her and once again she said it was none of his business. So one day, when she was having a shower, he snuck in the bathroom, looked through her wallet and found her license. When she got out, he smiled at her and said I know you are 31 years old. Then he said he knew why his dad left his mum. His mum was surprised but asked him why, and he said because she got an F for sex.

2007-01-29 11:20:35 · 11 answers · asked by ily_bubble 2

Derek was wittnessed by many people and killed several and destroyed many of there homes, though he was never arrested. Why is that?

2007-01-29 11:20:21 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

When we watched VCR's on regular TV's instead of DVDs on high definition TVs?

When we walked to the video store instead of ordering our movies?

When we used to get the ice from our freezer with our hands instead of pressing a button?

2007-01-29 11:19:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous