Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

ab her waqt gussa karta hain ,he told me i forget him what should i do i cant live without him i love him so much plz tell me what should i do im fell very lonely plz help me.

2007-01-14 18:19:11 · 16 answers · asked by salam_namaste64 1

i worked in north carolina and i heard the phase jack leg. what the hell is that

2007-01-14 17:49:39 · 6 answers · asked by D.Y. 2

Little Johnny and Suzy have nothing to do one day while in the house playing. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests.

"Oh no," answers Suzy, "That is way too scary."

"No, it is not," says Johnny, "it will be fun!" He proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now."

Suzy still is not quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "It looks too scary."

"No, it is not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. "You gotta try this, it is the best!" urges Johnny. Well, little Suzy is not one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom.

Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself.

"Maybe you had better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face goes pale white. "OH, NO!" he shouts. "This is horrible! You knocked it right off!"

2007-01-14 17:34:56 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's the girl's turn to buy a round, she tells him that she's heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try.

She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses. One contains a measure of Bailey's, the other lime juice.

Instructions: "OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice."

He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go.

First the Bailey's; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth. Then he takes the lime juice.

T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey's curdles.
T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend's face turns the colour of fresh lime juice.
T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach & swallows the gunge.
T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear....

"It's called B---job revenge"

2007-01-14 17:31:25 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

DO YOU EVER...??

1) look every where around the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the t.v??

2) dress up in nice clothes on a rainy day just to look good even though the clothes your wearing dont cover most of your body, but the only thing that mattters to you is your look..??

3) get mad at someone because either
1. they are better at you at something
2. nicer looking than you
3. know something you dont or
4. they have the easy life...e.g. rich, have the cool friends, brainy, good looking ect

DONT EVER...

1) send a picture to someone and say to them that you look ugly in that photo because if you really thought that then you wouldnt have sent it...!?

2) dont ask someone why theyre not txtn(e-mail ect)you when they have already said they dont like you... get over it and accept your not going to be friends or more with that person..

3) judge someone by what they look like because for all you know they could be better than you...!!

2007-01-14 17:02:46 · 8 answers · asked by ChiKeTa G 1

"when you get into the car be sure to put your seat belt on. I want to try something I saw yesterday in a cartoon" ??

2007-01-14 16:55:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-14 16:55:21 · 15 answers · asked by fifimsp1 4

I mean really really funny

2007-01-14 16:51:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

i know its stupid but here's mine... do you like raisins? if the person says no then say wanna date...ha ha get it (raisin, dates). i know it was bad. somebody else do better.

2007-01-14 16:33:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A farmer buys a cute little filly that he plans on racing next season, but when he gets her home, his old stallion smells her and wants her and starts kicking up dust. The farmer doesn't want her knocked up, because she won't be able to race, so he calls the vet. The vet tells him to tie a bed sheet around the filly's rump to keep the stallion away. So that day, the farmer does just that.
The next day, the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be found. The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbor's farm, and sees the neighbor's kid out by their barn.
"Hey young man, did you see a filly run by with a bed sheet tied around her rump?" the farmer asks. The kid replies, "No sir, but one dashed past here early this morning with a handkerchief sticking out of her ***!"

2007-01-14 16:28:33 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.

Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.

Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.

Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops

2007-01-14 16:21:38 · 15 answers · asked by gabby 2

I'm feeling depressed, I'm weak, I have a low body temperature, My nerves are going off, I'm getting very little sleep and when I do I a have horrific nightmares.

2007-01-14 16:13:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

but you should see her box?

2007-01-14 16:07:59 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'll tell you mine.
A blonde walks into a doctors office.
Blonde: Every bone in my body is broken! Look!
(Blonde pokes arm)
Blonde: Ouch!

Doctor: Really? Poke your leg.

(Blonde pokes leg)
Blonde: Ouch!

Doctor: Poke your side.

(Blonde pokes side)
Blonde: Ouch!

Doctor: Poke your nose.

(Blonde pokes nose)
Blonde: Ouch!

Doctor: You have a broken finger, next!

2007-01-14 15:58:52 · 14 answers · asked by Knee 6

2007-01-14 15:56:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-14 15:56:19 · 14 answers · asked by Bud's Girl 6

Serious answers only, please.


Oh, okay. Dumb answers too.

2007-01-14 15:45:16 · 11 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5

There were 3 men in a boat in the middle of the ocean, an American, a Mexican and a Cuban.

First the Cuban guy took out a cigar. He broke it in half and throws half of it in the ocean. The Mexican guy asked "Why did you do that?" and the Cuban guy replied "There are too many in my country

Then the Mexican guy takes out a taco, breaks it in half and throws half of it in the ocean. The Cuban Guy asked "why did you do that?" and the Mexican Guy replies "there are too many in my country.

Later the American guy threw the Mexican guy into the ocean.........

2007-01-14 15:37:44 · 12 answers · asked by Ace 5

There was a lady who loved to take showers. She took showers most of the day. One day, while she was taking a shower, she heard the doorbell ring. She put on her robe and answered the door. It was her blind neighbor and he said "It's a miracle! My wife is having a baby boy!"

The next day while she was taking a shower the bell rang again. She put on her robe and the blind man was at the door again and he said "It's a miracle! My wife is having twins!"

The next day while she was taking a shower the bell rang once again. She knew it would be the blind man so she did not bother to put on her robe. She went to the door and it was the blind man and he said "It's a miracle! I'm not blind anymore!"

I'm not sure if thats exactly how it goes but I tried my best.

2007-01-14 15:16:10 · 21 answers · asked by Ace 5

a blonde women walks in to a sex shop and says to the manager
"can i buy that vibrater please"
and the manager replies
"sorry, we dont serve blondes"
so the women walks out of the shop. she dyes her hair brown and goes back to the shop the next day and says to the manager
"can i buy that vibrater please"
the manager replies
" i have told you, we dont serve blondes"
so the women walks out of the shop. the next day she totally disguses herself with a wig and sunglasses, she goes back to the shop and she said to the manager
" can i buy that vibrater please"
the manager replies
"i have told you we dont serve blondes"
the women was so anoyed she asked
" how do you no i am blonde"
and the manager replies
"that is not a vibrater, it is a fire extinguser"

2007-01-14 14:47:12 · 14 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3

"All a mirror does is show you how stupid you are"--Local Comedian

2007-01-14 14:46:44 · 10 answers · asked by icyhott4urmind 1

one day three freinds a blonde, a redhead and a brunette where all driving in a car when all of a sudden the car crashed and they appeared in heaven.
God says to them "ahead are 1 hundred stairs after each stair you will be told a joke if you joke you will be sent to hell". if you remain silent you will continue on. If you make it to the top you shall remain in heaven forever.

First was the red head she tried her best but only made it to the 29th stair without laughing, therefore she was sent to hell. So the brunette started climbing but at the 50th stair she laughed. next was the blonde and suprisingly she did very well she even got all the way to 99 when she started roaring with laughter.Shocked god asked her why she laughed still laughing she replied "i finally got the first joke!!!!!"

2007-01-14 14:46:38 · 12 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3

The janitor at the church is asked by the Priest to cover for him in the confessional while he runs some errands. The janitor says he doesn't think he can do it, but the priest tells him that it's easy. There's a manual inside the booth that tells what penance to give for every sin. The janitor finally agrees. The first person in the booth says that he has been feeling jealous about all the stuff that his neighbor has. The janitor looks up the word "covet" in the manual and tells the man to say 2 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers. The next man says he been cheating on his wife, so the janitor looks up "adultery" and tells the man to do 4 Hail Marys and 5 Our Fathers. The thrid man confesses that he has had anal sex. The janitor can't find"anal" in the manual and looks up "sodomy". Not there either. Just then, an altar boy walks by the booth. The janitor whispers "Hey kid, what's the priest usaully give for anal sex?" The kid says "Most times it's a can of Coke and a Snickers bar

2007-01-14 14:43:05 · 20 answers · asked by Commander 3

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

2007-01-14 14:38:28 · 6 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

2007-01-14 14:31:09 · 11 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3

One day little johnny's teacher said we are going to play a game called wats behind my back.the teacher goes to her desk and pulls out something. she give the students hints to wat is behind her back. she says it red and comes from a tree.Several students raise their hands and she calls on susie she answers an apple. the teacher replies very good susie.she goes to her desk and pulls something else she then says the item behind my back is orange and also comes from a tree. everyone has their hand up including lil johnny but she picks tim. he says it an orange and she says very good tim.But johnny's hand was still in the air the teacher says wat is it johnny.he says can i try please? the teacher says sure but if its anything bad johnny you'll go straight to the principals office. he says okay ma'am i wont try anything. he then goes tho the front of the class and says the thing i have is hard and has a head. the teacher says THATS IT your going to the pricipals office. He says no its a...

2007-01-14 14:28:27 · 10 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3

hey guys im bored and need some laughter. i need a bunch of good blonde jokes (or any good jokes for all i care) and i need them fast. websites are ok, but i prefer the jokes that are posted on your entry. thanks a bunch!!! ♥

2007-01-14 14:21:54 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

just cant remember and need help to tell my sister

2007-01-14 14:13:22 · 12 answers · asked by donna j 2

2007-01-14 14:11:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anon 2

Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.

He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.

He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"

A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"

Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"

The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"

Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"

2007-01-14 14:08:55 · 12 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3