Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

...What does it take to open a chemist shop?

2007-01-30 10:59:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

switch on the head lights, will anything happen?

2007-01-30 10:55:22 · 57 answers · asked by Gem of Wisdom 4

2007-01-30 10:51:10 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

U2 plays a sold out show in Ireland. As the band takes the stage, the crowd goes wild.
Bono walks up to the microphone and raises his hands. "Everybody quiet down, I've got somethin' to say"
He claps his hands 3 times slowly and says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child dies in Africa."
A guy in the front row jumps up and yells, "Well stop f&*kin' doin' it then!!!"

2007-01-30 10:42:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 10:33:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

This will go to a weekly contest I hold on a website. I need good riddles and the answer to them.

2007-01-30 10:22:50 · 14 answers · asked by Maybeh 2

ok-so-my-school-is-having-a-show-on-our-news-station-and-its-called-amarican-joksters-(remake-of-amarican-idol)and-i-need-a-joke-to-use-to-try-out.-and-one-have-a-good-joke?-please-im-despret-and-we-have-to-do-it.

2007-01-30 10:21:35 · 16 answers · asked by elbballplaya 1

A woman is at her mother's funeral. She meets the man of her dreams and instantly falls in love with him while at the funeral. However, she is unable to retrieve any information about this man. A few days later she kills her sister. What would be her motive for killing her sister?

2007-01-30 10:18:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

a young couple just married,were on their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
as emma undressed for bed the husband threw his pants to his bride and said put these on.
She put them on and the waist was twice his size.She said "I can't wear your pants."The husband says don't you forget"I'm the man of this house"
With that she flipped her panties to him and says"try these on"He tries them on and it can't pass his knee.He says,"hell,I can't get into your panties"She says"that's rightand that's the way it's going to be until you get your goddamned attitude changes.

2007-01-30 10:13:58 · 7 answers · asked by Baby Girl R 2

what letter comes next? it's not (-)
just to let you know.

2007-01-30 10:13:47 · 3 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

2007-01-30 10:04:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please tell it to me. I would like to get a good laugh.

2007-01-30 10:01:14 · 7 answers · asked by Pyro 1

What is 1 minus .9(.999999999999999999999999999999999999etc.) repeating or any thing else repeating.

2007-01-30 09:58:07 · 8 answers · asked by mtx_226 2

?

2007-01-30 09:55:18 · 8 answers · asked by O Kay Sojaden 3

There is a convention where 100 politicians are expected to attend. all of the politicians are either crooked or honest,but none of them can be both. Someone observes that if you take any two politicians out of the room you have a 50/50 chance of getting one honest and one crooked. All of the politicians are not honest, and neither are they all crooked. How many are honest and how many are crooked?

2007-01-30 09:54:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Show up naked
2.Bring Beer
3. Dont block the tv

2007-01-30 09:50:50 · 12 answers · asked by misterbunnyfritz 1

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

2007-01-30 09:40:28 · 12 answers · asked by Jazz Lover 2

pictured below

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h154/eyezerocool777/evilbunny.jpg

if so don't tell her where I am

2007-01-30 09:37:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you are locked inside a car then how do you get out ????

2007-01-30 09:31:07 · 10 answers · asked by I♥E.A. ♫☼♂ 2

I was at a Mexican Restaurant today and heard a Mexican guy trying to order a Chilli Cheese Chimi Changa. It cracked me up.

2007-01-30 09:30:41 · 6 answers · asked by Jim R 4

One night at a club little red riding hood and the big bad wolf were getting their groove on. After hours of dancing and leading eachother on, they went back to his place. He asked her "come on please just let me stick it in." Little Red Riding hood replied 'Stick to to the story m*therf**ker, EAT ME!

2007-01-30 09:28:58 · 9 answers · asked by forbidden_apple_doubleedgesword 1

answer will be given in 15 minutes.....

2007-01-30 09:28:18 · 14 answers · asked by chris w. 7

she got a ticket for jaywalking

2007-01-30 09:27:02 · 8 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

You will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.......

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

Oh no, my dear," replied Granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the "ding" and out on the dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along!"

2007-01-30 09:19:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a young lady, was looking very
nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he said, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex.
Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh well, I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just thinking about how condoms are made!" she said.

2007-01-30 09:08:59 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many times U Fell in LOVE

How many times U Stole Money from your fathers pocket.

How Many times you farted in public.

How Many times you sh!t in your briefs

How manytimes u fell like kicking your boss a s s

How manytimes u felt like having a miracle in your life.

How manytimes u felt like beating Bill Gates.

How manytimes u lie to your partner.

How many of u really wants to gain 10 points for this question.

people who are happy with 2 points are lazy to answer my all question.

2007-01-30 09:08:03 · 41 answers · asked by Oh My God! 6

2007-01-30 09:07:55 · 4 answers · asked by summer d 1

Has anyone got any really clever riddles that would confuse/impress my mates?
Thanks

2007-01-30 09:04:13 · 3 answers · asked by johua91 1

Michael jackson was born a poor black boy and will die a rich white woman.

Michael jackson could have avoided all child molestation charges if he stuck to grabbing his own crotch.

As Michaels wife was in labor for their new baby boy Michael turned to the doctor and asked him..
"So how long until we can have sex?"
the doctor replyed "at least wait until hes 14"

2007-01-30 08:53:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 08:50:35 · 43 answers · asked by Jaz 6