Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-30 12:51:38 · 7 answers · asked by badgerman314 2

an englishman, Irishman & a scotsman working on a building site
they sit down for lunch & the english man says
"if i bloody well get cheese sarnies again tomorrow im gona jump off this scaffhold"
the scotsman replies" i know what you mean 35 years cheese & ham sarnies ill join yer if i get em tomorrow"
the irish man says " yep me too sick of cheese & pickle"
next day the english man looks " peanut butter nice"
scottsman looks "turkey & stuffing tasty"
but the irishman just jumps
any way day of the funeral
the englishman goes up to the irish mans wife & asks "why didnt you just change his sandwhiches"
she replies " what the f**k are you on man he made his own"

2007-01-30 12:46:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A FATHER WAS PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED
TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED,
"DAD" WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:



DEAR DAD, IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION, DAD - SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA ASSURES ME THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER SINCE SHE IS SO MUCH OLDER THAN I AM, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD, ENOUGH FOR THE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO. BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA

2007-01-30 12:41:50 · 12 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

He can only take one item at a time--on his raft across the river.
If he leaves the chicken witht the grain, the grain will be devoured.
If he leaves the dog with the chicken, the chicken will be devoured.
How does he get everything across.

2007-01-30 12:37:43 · 10 answers · asked by stagger_lee1974 2

There seem to be so many men who won't grow up? What is it? I know a 45 year-old man who just did ten years in jail who won' take responsibility. These people seem to listen to take Nat "King" Cole's "Staighten Up & Fly Right" to heart.

2007-01-30 12:37:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back,just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..."
The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."

2007-01-30 12:37:07 · 2 answers · asked by Jessica's advice 2

HOW DOES HE GET OUT???

2007-01-30 12:34:49 · 31 answers · asked by stagger_lee1974 2

I need to hear a really good joke, the one that makes me laugh the most gets a best answer!

2007-01-30 12:32:39 · 21 answers · asked by NeonBlue 3

What does the brain do to tell the stomach it's hungry?

2007-01-30 12:29:23 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

pleaseanswer i cant find out what it is

2007-01-30 12:22:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

what building have the most stories.

2007-01-30 12:19:20 · 10 answers · asked by talsa s 2

2007-01-30 12:18:49 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

If I were to tell a blonde joke, many people who weren't blondes would laugh and say 10/10, but a racist joke against one race would get me flames from EVERY race? Hair colour isn't nearly as touchy of a subject as racism, true, but it stil is discrimination,

2007-01-30 12:18:21 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

he asks the young girl behind the bar

"would like to hear a blonde joke"

the girl behind the bar replies

"before you tell it i feel i should tell you this

i am a blonde i am also a blackbelt in karate

the woman to your left is blonde also and is black belt in aikido

the woman to your right is trained in kickboxing and is also a blonde

the woman stood just behind you is a boxing champion, and she, also is a blonde

now do you really want to tell that joke?"

"no" replies the man sighing "not if ive got to explain it 4 times"

2007-01-30 12:16:48 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Johnny went to an island and there were 2 tribes. The tribe on the west side tells the truth and the east side tells a lie. So Johnny goes and asks a tour guide to ask a guy where the guy lives. So the tour guide asks the guy and he says he lives in the west. Did the tour guide tell the truth or tell a lie?

2007-01-30 12:14:55 · 7 answers · asked by Ian C 2

1. Teetotum
2. Ishkabibble
3. Kerfuffle
4. Zenzizenzizenzic

What do you think the deffinition of these words are? No looking them up, it ruins the fun. The answer that i think is the funniest wins the 10 points.

2007-01-30 12:12:03 · 15 answers · asked by Leo 3

It was form a Demetri Martin stand up comedy special on Comedy Central.

2007-01-30 12:05:55 · 6 answers · asked by bassdog65 4

What is the difference between girls/women
aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?





At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.





At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.







At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.







At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.






At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.





At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.






At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!






At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

2007-01-30 12:04:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many do you think?

My answer:

It takes two guys, and the office never gets light: One guy to screw in the lightbulb and to announce that the lightbulb has been screwed, and a second guy to complain that the first guy's announcement contains "adult content" and to have the lightbulb permanently removed.

2007-01-30 12:00:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 12:00:36 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

If it took four men one day to pick all the apples in the orchard,how long will it take eight men to pick apples in the same orchard?

2007-01-30 11:53:12 · 14 answers · asked by talsa s 2

I'm putting money on the chicken.

2007-01-30 11:50:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

ones a cunning array of stunts...

2007-01-30 11:42:15 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Using real names to make common words, help me name the newborn children

1. The VOYANT family -
2. The TRESS family-
3. The NASIUM family-
4. The TATE family-
5. The ANTHUMUM family-
6. The MANDER family-
7. The MITE family-
8. The TIME family-

2007-01-30 11:39:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

some clues:
room enough for all but one
there we may all be family
yet no relations in blood are we

2007-01-30 11:26:51 · 14 answers · asked by kimchi 2

do you know

2007-01-30 11:20:36 · 11 answers · asked by cute girl 3

2007-01-30 11:17:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Let's face it, English is a stupid language.


There is no egg in the eggplant.
No ham in the hamburger.
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England.
And French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?


just something fun to read

2007-01-30 11:11:04 · 16 answers · asked by RAW DIVA™ 5

I'm thinking of a number 1-50 first person to guess it gets the best answer!!!

2007-01-30 11:09:21 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

What would you do if after using the bathroom(toilet) get up and realize your fifty dollar bill fell out of your pocket into the toilet, would you stick your hand in and grab it or would you kiss it goodbye and flush?

2007-01-30 11:07:50 · 12 answers · asked by graciegirl 5