Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2 nuns were playing the bagpipes walking down the street singing dowah diddy diddy dum. the first asked a stranger in a polite voice if he could turn her kitty out. and the second nun was an undercover fbi agent who busted the first nun for selling marijuana to infants in tiewan. the first nun said, "wow, i never noticed that you had a full beard or that semi-automatic weapon poking out of your blouse, totally wierd?!"

2007-01-30 22:07:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

2007-01-30 22:05:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

whenever i go on a date, with a girl, i get nervous. and i sometimes pee a little in my panties. and i want to talk to my date and i go to do it and i puke in my mouth and i sweat all over the place and i puke in my hands. i try to hide the puke in my pants pocket and i have dirt and old cookies and puke in my pants, what am i doing wrong??

2007-01-30 22:02:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 22:00:57 · 3 answers · asked by Bobby 1

a black eye
a fat lip
and a big nose

im not racist sorry if i affended you a member of your family or someone that you know

2007-01-30 21:59:50 · 13 answers · asked by Dan 2

2007-01-30 21:59:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cus' if he didn't he would be called
Ewar Woowar.
Sorry I had to share that one.

2007-01-30 21:56:16 · 14 answers · asked by Claire U.K 3

ok there is a big army show and all, people are all gathered. one of the performers died before the show, so the army didnt know where to get a replacer so they went and got a random person,he turned to be arabian the army man told him " you will jump from the plane and count till 10 then open the parachute" the arabian guy replied " eaaaazy mmmmmmmmmman!" so it was the show time, then in front of 1000000 viewers the arabian jumped from the plane!
at the height of 10000 km he still didnt open the parachute, all of the people clapped and were excited, at 3000 km from ground still he didnt, all of the people were so fascinated by him, 10 km and still he didnt open, everyone clapped and they whistled and all till he BOOOOOOOM hit the ground...
the army man went and uncovered his face saying " didnt i tell you count to 10 and open" the arabian looked at him dizzly saying " 8....."

2007-01-30 21:52:14 · 2 answers · asked by 123 3

A little pool with two layers of wall around it. One white and soft and the other dark and hard, amidst a light brown grassy lawn with an outline of green grass.

What am I?

2007-01-30 21:49:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Their lover wanted to have his body cremated and they have to decide where to put his ashes..

The first gay guy says "I want to spread his ashes in my garden because he liked it when I'd pick flowers for him"

The second gay guy says "I want to spread his ashes in the sea because he liked it when we went sailing together"

The third gay guy says "I want to put his ashes in a bowl of chilly so he can tear my a**hole open one more time"

2007-01-30 21:42:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 21:38:06 · 9 answers · asked by LOU G 1

so he studied hard and all, when he went to the exam the examiner asked him " what will you tell to a person asking him to come to you" the arabian replied "come here", then the examiner was impressed and told him what will you do if you want him to go somewhere, the arabian replied" i go there and tell him come here..."

2007-01-30 21:37:01 · 3 answers · asked by 123 3

Over the cobbled road, the first nun can't stop giggling, the second nun ignores it, still they fly faster and faster down the cobbly hill. The first nun really giggles this time to the point of annoyance of the second nun. The second nun says "Sister Alice, what are you making such a commotion about?" "Oh nothing Sister Beth, it's just I've never come this way before".

2007-01-30 21:35:28 · 8 answers · asked by florrie f 3

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced ‘tenty one’?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call the resulting company Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

If it's true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."

"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney..."

…Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love ."

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes

2007-01-30 21:32:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 dum guys, one asks the other "if you guess what is inside this box i will give you 2 apples from it" the other replied"pineapples?"

2007-01-30 21:32:00 · 2 answers · asked by 123 3

Call me an ignorant for the hell I care but come on, how would you now if he is black if he is white or something like that.

2007-01-30 21:13:47 · 6 answers · asked by LOU G 1

What do you call nuts in a chest?
Chestnuts
What do you call nuts on the wall?
Wallnuts
What do you call nuts on your chin?
...........
The first one to get it right gets 10pts. I'll post the answer in an update later to let the winner know they get the points

2007-01-30 21:11:59 · 9 answers · asked by judkins1808 2

..because they don't have an answer to any question they get the points then report it,. thats a violation in itself.............................. ..there you go report that

2007-01-30 21:09:37 · 7 answers · asked by conan 4

2007-01-30 21:07:21 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 21:04:56 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 21:03:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 21:02:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A son asks his Dad the difference between "theoretically" and "realistically". Dad says that's hard, but i have an idea. Ask Mum if she would sleep with the milkman for £1 million. Mum says yes. Dad says now ask your sister if she'll sleep with the newspaper man for £2 million. Sister says yes. Well there you go son, that's your answer, theoretically we're sitting on £3 million, but realistically we're living with 2 slags!

2007-01-30 21:02:08 · 17 answers · asked by Miss Tickle 4

2007-01-30 21:01:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 20:55:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 20:53:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 20:53:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

that came in the mail and your older family member accidently threw it away because they thaught it was trash in your room, what would you do?

2007-01-30 20:51:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

answer: Clawing the living hell out of their coffins,I bet!

2007-01-30 20:44:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 20:40:17 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous