Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-30 15:36:42 · 10 answers · asked by ltalaga1@sbcglobal.net 1

In an famous scene in the BREAKFAST CLUB, Bender is crawling across the ceiling telling a joke. The joke goes, "A naked blond walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and 2 foot salami under the other...she lays the poodle on the table and the bartender goes "I suppose you won't be needing a drink," naked lady says.........And then Bender falls through the ceiling and we never get the punchline. WHAT IS IT? I've been wanting to know for years!

2007-01-30 15:36:15 · 5 answers · asked by abbeystar 2

A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:

The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.

The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?

2007-01-30 15:17:41 · 16 answers · asked by Wolfess 1

You can eat it. You can put it inside another form itself. You can play games on it. It can be broken and it can be destroyed, but you can never truly get rid of it. What is it?


Any help

2007-01-30 15:10:37 · 7 answers · asked by KemPer 3

It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious.
A black comedian explained why he misses Bill Clinton.
"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing
we ever got to having a black man as President.

# 1 - He played the sax.

# 2 - He smoked weed.

# 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he don't!
And, he gets a check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's
shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations'most distinguished men.
It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied,"I don't know, I never had one."
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as
I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what Ithink you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do
Hanky Panky between Bushes.

2007-01-30 15:04:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 14:51:01 · 5 answers · asked by ehs2bse27 2

If you can answer this I'll give you 10 points!

2007-01-30 14:47:49 · 5 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

I am having a birthday party for my 12 year old girl. I am looking for at least 10 one line jokes and riddles to entertain them. Do you know any ?

2007-01-30 14:42:53 · 8 answers · asked by kenneth h 6

Miracle of Toilet Paper:

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my brexsts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your brexsts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your brexsts for a few seconds."

Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my brexsts.

"How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my brexsts every day will make my brexsts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your bxm, didn't it?"

2007-01-30 14:42:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Timmy has 10 apples. He gives 3 apples to Susie. How many apples does Timy have?

2007-01-30 14:39:01 · 20 answers · asked by STrawberry 3

2007-01-30 14:35:58 · 8 answers · asked by Jesabel 6

Johnny had 12 apples. He only gave 6 to Molly. How many does Johnny have?

2007-01-30 14:32:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 14:30:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

if i had 10 apples and i give you 5 apples how many apples i will have

2007-01-30 14:26:21 · 12 answers · asked by hockey fan 3

A patient complained to his doctor,
"I've been to three other doctors and
none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait
until the autopsy, then you'll see that
I was right."

2007-01-30 14:21:20 · 9 answers · asked by userafw 5

Because his a c**t!

2007-01-30 14:20:15 · 9 answers · asked by shilo 2

A guy bought something at the store, and his total was $7.20. He had only coins. He gave the cashier an equal number of quarters, dimes, and nickles, so how many of each did he give the cashier?

2007-01-30 14:13:09 · 7 answers · asked by browneyedgirl90 3

g1-mind if i buy you a drink?
g2-why certainly you may.
g1-you sound like your from ireland.
g2-why yes iam.
g1-so am i! lets have another drink
g2-what part of ireland?
g1-dublin
g2-me too lets have another drink
g1-where did you go to school?
g2-saint marys class of 82
g1-me too!lets have another drink.
this goes on all afternoon til a3rd guy walks in and asks the bartender "whats up?" bartender says "not much,the mcgillicuddy twins are drunk again.

2007-01-30 14:05:59 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny sees his father's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees his father and his aunt Jane "hugging" in the parked vehicle.

Johnny finds this very exciting and can barely contain himself so he runs home and starts to tell his mother,

"I was at the playground and I saw daddy's car go into the woods with aunt Jane. I went to look for them and I saw daddy giving aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then aunt Jane helped daddy take his pants off, then aunt Jane lay down on the seat, then daddy..."

At this point, Johnny's mother cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Johnny's mother asks him to tell his story, so Johnny starts to talk, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and...

"...then daddy and aunt Jane did that same thing mommy and uncle Richard used to do when daddy was in the army."

2007-01-30 14:03:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young Indian boy was complaining to his father, the chief one day about his name. He said: "The white kids laugh at me and my brother and sister because they say we have funny names."

"Well, you know our old custom is to name the child after the first thing I see out the tepee when it is born. Your brother Little Eagle, your sister Little Fawn and you" said the chief. Why do you ask such questions, Two Dogs Fxcking?"

2007-01-30 14:00:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

This one blonde decided to commit suicide. So, she thought being hit by a train is not that bad. She lay with her legs spread over the railway line.

The next day in the paper, it read, "Train disappeared, reward offered

2007-01-30 13:56:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I thought it was "people tell a lie every Four min" But Nope....Help please.

2007-01-30 13:55:21 · 12 answers · asked by iceburg 2

2007-01-30 13:52:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-30 13:44:05 · 15 answers · asked by wickboom333 2

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae So palese dnot copmilan aoubt my tpynig you know you can raed it

2007-01-30 13:35:44 · 16 answers · asked by Survey S 1

2007-01-30 13:27:11 · 4 answers · asked by sheree 2

DID YOU RAELZIE THAT TIHS CAN BE RAED PREFCETLY NRMOAL? TIHS IS PSSOBILE BCSAEUE THE BARIN ATCALULY OLNY NEDES TO VEIW THE FRSIT AND LSAT LTETER OF A WROD AND IT CAN ACTALULY PUT THE RSET OF THE LTETRES TGOHETER JSUT BY LOKONIG AT IT!

2007-01-30 13:18:51 · 14 answers · asked by Sly_Guy2k7 2

If i had one cricket ball in one hand and another cricket ball in another what am i holding? One big cricket!!

2007-01-30 13:09:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

WHat fruit is round, red, and always puts its best foot forward?
A [?][?][?] [?][?][?][?]-[?][?][?]

2007-01-30 13:05:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

someone breaks into your house and knocks you out cold. You then wake up to find yourself in a dark room, you try to find a door but there's none, you look for a window, but there is none also. All that's in this room with you is a human sized mirror and a wooden table.

QUESTION: What do you do to get out of this strange room.

2007-01-30 12:58:25 · 22 answers · asked by Sherry-ann 1