what are some funny jokes that you guys have?

Answer 1

a fart was walking down the large intestine chillin and all of the sudden he saw another fart wearing an expensive suit and expensive tie stolling down and looking all dressed up.. he walks up to him and says.. whats going on? why are you dressed up?.. he looks at his watch and says: i have a flight in a bout twenty minutes!

Answer 2

There was a blonde that decided to become a handy-(wo)man, so she went to a rich neighborhood and knocked on a rich guy's door. When he opened the door the blonde told him the she's doing odd jobs and do you have anything to be done? And the guy said ya my porch needs to be painted, how much will that be? $50 she said.
While the guy and the blonde were talking the wife was listening and asked the husband if the blonde knew that the porch was a wrap-around porch. And he says yea she was standing on it, she would've seen.
2 hours later the blonde comes back and tells the guy that she painted the porch and that there was so much paint left over that she gave it a second coat. Amazed the guy hands her the fifty dollars. Oh ya, the blonde said, that's not a porch that a ferrari!!!

Answer 3

A rabbi, a priest, and a monk were in a boat. They were fishing, when the monk says, I'm thirsty. So he crosses over the water, gets a drink, and comes back.
The priest said I'm thirsty too. So he crosses over the water, gets a drink, and comes back.
The rabbi says, I guess I'll get a drink too. He steps off the boat and falls in the water.
The priest looks to the monk and said, "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were?"

Answer 4

I POSTED THIS ONE U MAY HAVE MISSED IT


Super Bowl
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down,
a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to
him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event
in the world, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away.
This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we
got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

Answer 5

Did you hear about the kidnapping?............he woke up.