What is one of your favorite jokes?

Question

Please tell it to me. I would like to get a good laugh.

Answer 1

ONE OF MY FAVORITE JOKES IS :
WHAT DOES DELAWARE???

ANSWER :
A NEW JERSEY!!!!

LOL IT MIGHT BE KIND OR CORNY BUT I LIKE IT I GOT A KICK OUT OF IT :)

Answer 2

Thank you for tuning in! We have the latest news from around the globe!

From the City of Eeny Meeny Mo Catch A Tiger By The Toe You're A Dead Man, California! Our Reporter Joe Momma Sucks informs us that Osama has been captured. You heard it right, Osama has been captured. The Navy just made a call to the President and told him that they're on their way to the US. The bad news is that Osama is the Pilot!!!

From the Town of I'm A P.I.M.P With Diamonds All Over My Teeth, New York. It has been informed to us by John O'Cohoe that there was a study at the University of Snak3s.net where scientists discovered that 90% of traffic accidents are caused by Men. Yes. The reason behind all this is that Men let Women drive and then accidents happen!!!

From Bangcok Ouch It Hurts, Russia. Note from our reporter Ben Dover. He informs us why so many people nowadays eat snails and turtles. He says that it's because they hate fast food!!!

I tried posting this joke and it was removed so at least you'll get to read it!!!

Answer 3

there is a woman and she is pregnant and she is going to the hospital w/ her hubby. wen they get ther the doc says that he has a new machine that takes sum of the pain of the mother and transfers it to the mother. the doc asks if they want to try it. they say yes. so the woman is giving birth and the doc put s the machine on 10% as a start. the guy says he feels fine. so the doc puts it on 20% and the guy says that he still duznt feel anything. so the doc puts it on 50% but the gy still feels fine. so then he puts it on 100% but the gy says taht he still feels fine. so they have the baby and they go home 3 days latr and they find the mailman dead on the porch.

Answer 4

Blondes Love Puzzles
There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting ''44 days! 44 days!'' One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, ''Why are you chanting 44 days?'' She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, ''A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!'''

Answer 5

this is from funny.com

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ***!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Answer 6

Where would a waitress with one leg work?

IHOP

Kinda mean but made me laugh

Answer 7

Blonde jokes:

A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.

She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.

The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".

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I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

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Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

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Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"


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Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called How to Hug, only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?



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blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.

The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.

"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

~~~

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.

They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.

The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.

They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, �Okay, we'll give him one more try.

We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!�